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leaving Dh and just wanted to vent

(33 Posts)
itstimetofixmylife Thu 12-Feb-15 23:16:45

Have name changed as this is all very personal info.
I feel in order to move on I need to tell someone what these past years have been like but I can't bring myself to tell anyone 'real'.
I met Dh when I was young and fell pregnant all too soon. Things went downhill quickly. Dh went on a lads holiday and left me to deal with early pregnancy alone, I ended up in hospital with a possible mc and he stayed abroad not really bothered. Dd was ok and I was just overcome by this love I had for my child that I ignored his lack of care. I was young and scared and didn't want to be alone in this.
He didn't come to my first official scan because he had been texting an ex girlfriend and I just felt betrayed for a second time. We spent the next few months not getting along so well, he was unsupportive and hurtful. I felt like I'd be lost on my own and out of fear I carried on.
When dd was born we moved in together and when dd was 4 months old we had been out to a family get together, Dh got a phone call from some friends asking him to meet them on a night out and I asked him not to go, he left me on the doorstep with our dd and I shouted that I wasn't sure if I had keys and he shouted to the person driving 'just leave her she's a fucking bitch' (found keys in bag but he was willing to leave me locked out with dd)
He has called me everything under the sun including a lazy, dirty bitch when the housework slipped while I was pregnant with dc2 (yes I had another child with this man)
When dd was about 1 I found pictures of a half naked woman he had been talking to on the Internet and I left.
I went to stay with family but had nowhere permanent so ended up going back.
Things where ok for a while until one day we where having an argument in the car (dd was not there) and he was eating and I pushed his hand and made him spill his food and he shoved it into the side of my head and my head slammed into the car windows, he repeatedly punched me in the leg until he calmed down.
He's lied about money, debts, using porn and god knows what else.
And here I am today. He's nowhere near as bad, he's lovely towards the kids but I still feel were not a priority. He's no role model and I'm not scared anymore. Today I've decided I'm going to leave, for me and for my two young dc's.
To the outside world he seems like a decent husband and a loving father and I just needed to get that off my chest so thank you to anyone who read the full post.

MsJupiter Thu 12-Feb-15 23:18:51

Brave lady. I wish you the best of luck.

LineRunner Thu 12-Feb-15 23:20:56

I am glad you got that all written down.

Keep your resolve, and good luck.

You have been through a lot of horrible stuff, and you deserve to have a quieter, calmer life for you and your children.

FarFromAnyRoad Thu 12-Feb-15 23:22:46

I also wish you luck and strength. You're doing the right thing for yourself and your lovely kids. It might be an idea to get this moved to the Relationships board where you'll get great support and advice.

hobnobsaremyfriends Thu 12-Feb-15 23:23:06

Wow. You certainly are brave and you and your dc deserve better than this. flowers

ToriaPumpkin Thu 12-Feb-15 23:25:43

Good luck. You're doing the right thing for you and your DC. I hope you are soon free.

flora717 Thu 12-Feb-15 23:27:20

Enjoy this step to a life lived for you and your DC flowers

fanjobiscuits Thu 12-Feb-15 23:28:49

I hear you. He sounds awful. You and your kids deserve better, good on you for leaving.

Amy106 Thu 12-Feb-15 23:29:16

Good luck and best wishes for a wonderful future. flowers

Branleuse Thu 12-Feb-15 23:32:12

youre totally doing the right thing. Strength x

MomOfTwoGirls2 Thu 12-Feb-15 23:34:37

Another wishing you strength and best of luck. Split sounds best for your DC and you. He sounds a total twat, a real bad one.
Stay strong!!

itstimetofixmylife Thu 12-Feb-15 23:37:13

Thank you everyone. The hardest part is going to be explaining the split to friends and family as everyone is completely unaware of the situation as I always put on my best face. I don't want to go through it all with everyone as he is still my children's father and don't want any ill feeling amongst anyone.

LadyLuck10 Thu 12-Feb-15 23:39:27

I wish you all the best. Don't look back, you needed to get to where you are now because this is what's going to keep you strong to leave. X

Fedupmuch Thu 12-Feb-15 23:47:51

Wishing you well. Stay brave. You don't need to go into detail about everything to your family and friends if you don't want to. Just tell there's been lots of ups and downs, you feel splitting up will be a positive thing for both you and your children and say if you don't mind I'd prefer not to talk about it.

EvaTheOptimist Thu 12-Feb-15 23:52:56

Well done and Courage! You only deserve respect from the people you have in your life.

But also, stay safe. He has been violent, and there are horrible stories out there about men who seek revenge.

havemercy Thu 12-Feb-15 23:57:47

Stay strong, stay brave and keep ranting.

We're listening and wishing you all the best in your new life.

<<< hugs>>> flowers

SorchaN Fri 13-Feb-15 01:11:40

Well done - you are doing the right thing! And also, as others have said, stay safe.

AntiHop Fri 13-Feb-15 02:05:55

You've done the right thing. If it was me I'd want everyone to know how awful he is but understand why you don't want that.

TheChickenSituation Fri 13-Feb-15 02:23:09

Well done - you've undoubtedly done the right thing.

And actually, you might be surprised by the number of people who ^ aren't^ surprised to learn this.


StackladysMorphicResonator Fri 13-Feb-15 09:15:11

Well done for being strong for your DC. Please be careful, if there's anyone in RL you can confide in about his previous behaviour please do so.


Bigoldsupermoon Fri 13-Feb-15 10:01:56

Just adding my voice to the chorus, OP: so glad you're taking this step - you and your children deserve so much better. Wishing you all so much happiness in future.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 13-Feb-15 11:23:03

"The hardest part is going to be explaining the split to friends and family as everyone is completely unaware of the situation as I always put on my best face. I don't want to go through it all with everyone as he is still my children's father and don't want any ill feeling amongst anyone."

Well, people will ask, so have something prepared that you can just trot out. Otherwise you may find yourself saying something you'd rather not.

But I think you need to put aside the not wanting any ill feeling. There WILL be ill feeling, regardless of what you want. You can't change that, you can only manage it. And you should prioritise yourself here. Do not allow yourself to be made out to be the bad guy just because you won't speak up for yourself through a misguided attempt to not have ill feeling.

You may find people around you are not unaware of your situation. Sometimes people are successful at hiding what's going on behind closed doors, but sometimes they only think they are. Those around you stay quiet about it because they think that's what you want, or because they don't know how to raise it.

cailindana Fri 13-Feb-15 11:31:40

Wow your OP was hard to read, very upsetting. Well done for getting through such a tough time so well. It's brilliant that you now feel ready for a much better time in the next few years - it must very exciting (as well as scary!). It sounds like you're absolutely doing the right thing. I wish you every luck.

Please don't fear telling friends. True friends will understand and want to help you in whatever way they can. I would be heartbroken if I thought a friend was keeping all this from me.

zeezeek Fri 13-Feb-15 18:02:47

You are so very brave and very strong for leaving this abusive man and a wonderful role model for your children.

You have a wonderful future ahead of you, just hang onto that thought even in the darkest days....and there will be some.

Don't worry about telling people. You may lose some friends (this always happens) but they are the people that don't matter....the ones who do will understand and support you and you will meet more people and better people along the way. You are not alone.

Take care and stay strong. You are an inspiration.

JillyR2015 Fri 13-Feb-15 18:06:21

I am sure you are doing the right thing. Think about the legal side too. You are probably not married, just living together and living in a rented flat. Do you work? Do you know what he earns and if might want the children to live with him rather than vice versa?

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