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To not bail dd out this time or aib mean?

(19 Posts)
Itsgoingtoreindeer Thu 12-Feb-15 18:43:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bakingtins Thu 12-Feb-15 18:50:30

I think if you previously bailed her out at the last minute and said you wouldn't do it again then you stick with that and let her take the rap. I would speak to her HOY about whether they can improve home-school communication in future so you have more idea what's expected of her. Is the lack of organisation due to her learning difficulties, do you think? She might need more help/chivvying than most, but 12 is plenty old enough to learn the consequences of procrastinating.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Thu 12-Feb-15 18:52:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo Thu 12-Feb-15 18:54:17


My average ability DS is almost as bad...but we are emailed all project homework, so it's easy to keep on top of what he should be doing..but he doesn't actually do it. Then I figure at the last minute it's easier for me to do it than collect him from an after school detention. hmm

I'm getting a bit fed up now, so will be leaving him to it.

LovestFromest Thu 12-Feb-15 18:55:58

Agree that you have to leave her to it. Otherwise you are teaching her that you don't really mean what you say.

I know it must be really hard, but TBH it's a good time to learn the lesson.

Georgethesecond Thu 12-Feb-15 18:56:04

Absolutely do not bail her out again. You are teaching her that she need not take responsibility herself. Year seven is all about taking that responsibility. Let her learn the hard way, even if she hands in something that is not her best work. Stay away. Really.

GlitzAndGigglesx Thu 12-Feb-15 18:56:24

I'd contact HOY and ask to be told when she is given a new project rather than her lying until the night before it's due and that way she has plenty of prep and time to get help from school if needed

SaucyJack Thu 12-Feb-15 18:58:20

YANBU, but will there be actually be any consequences at school for her to face?

Else it just teaches her that if she doesn't bother then nothing comes of it.

skylark2 Thu 12-Feb-15 19:00:49

I would send her in with the (wrong) work she had done. Yes, email the teacher saying what has happened. I would not rely on a letter being handed in. This isn't me being mean, this is me having dealt with a DS who was a bit younger but similarly head in the sand over any homework beyond "this is for tomorrow" - and would dig himself deeper and deeper to try to avoid admitting it. He doesn't have learning difficulties but his organisation is SO bad that I've always suspected it's not just CBA.

Next project needs to be communicated from teacher to you - your DD isn't reliable enough to organise it herself yet. And I would stop the homework club, if she isn't doing homework there and then doesn't have time to do it at home because she gets back so late.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Thu 12-Feb-15 19:00:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ErrolTheDragon Thu 12-Feb-15 19:06:32

I think you need to ask the school to help you to get her to help herself.
It sounds like they were trying to on this last one with the weekly steps. Yes, do email the school with your concerns.

At this stage they are starting to want pupils to learn to be self-organising (its part of the reason they do these project type things I think, not just the actual content) but clearly for whatever reason your DD isn't there yet. The school needs to know what's really happening - do not do her work for her. Appropriate help is things like finding materials for a model.

Georgethesecond Thu 12-Feb-15 19:11:17

She needs to get into trouble. She won't get into that much trouble. Year seven is all about learning to organise yourself. Just like reception is about learning to sit quietly on the carpet, change for PE and take yourself to the toilet. Let her get on with it - she can only learn from her own experiences.

Thatoneoverthere Thu 12-Feb-15 19:13:50

From experience as someone who put their mother through this please don't leave her to it. You might say its 80% laziness but to be honest even now as an adult the thought of writing and/or trying to produce a piece of work to be mark sends me into tears and has me panicked. I'm not lazy and have managed to achieve at a University level, through my own, my mothers and several teachers hard work.
When I was about 12 ( and a whole lot older) I used to constantly lie about my homework, it was too stressful to attempt to then get wrong and have no idea how to fix. I was never hugely behind and teachers found me incredibly frustrating because I was capable orally and always was interested in class. I just struggle to spell, write and form sentences let alone grammar!

JenniferGovernment Thu 12-Feb-15 19:24:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsMariusPontmercy Thu 12-Feb-15 19:43:06

Absolutely do not bail her out this time, if only due to the fact that she has been lying to you about it- she needs to learn lying & leaving until the last minute works less well than asking for help in good time.
Absolutely do email the head of year- it will help the staff to know the situation for the future.
Does she have a homework diary? Can you request that she has the homework written in for her by a teacher/TA, so that you can check for homework yourself? (I do this for several students I support and it can really help)
(Also, you sound like a really lovely and supportive mother, OP)

ilovesooty Thu 12-Feb-15 19:47:46

Leave her to face the consequences and email the teacher to explain why.

morethanpotatoprints Thu 12-Feb-15 19:53:37

I think you should email school and make them aware of what is happening as something besides maybe dd being lazy isn't getting through.
Maybe a report card where she has it signed by teacher and by you.
disorganisation goes hand in hand with some learning difficulties.
I used to be terrible, but over the years have come up with strategies to help.
Is ther a friend at school taht can be trusted to keep her on track?

Itsgoingtoreindeer Thu 12-Feb-15 21:40:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt Fri 13-Feb-15 03:19:15

I think you have done the right thing, hard though it is.

I have a daughter who also seems determined to learn life lessons the hardest possible way. Actions or inactions have consequences and they do have to get that one straight.

Yes to emailing the school. They will have heard it all before, and be able to advise / support.

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