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Need a rant about hen dos (yes another one)

(102 Posts)
DuchessofCuntbridge Thu 12-Feb-15 16:31:57

Ladies - when did Hen Dos become such a massive deal that they require us to fork out our life savings for such pleasures as unwanted manicures, pruned hands, small talk, awkward room sharing issues and overpriced cocktails in musty clubs?

I've been asked to pay £200 for a weekend in a house in the country. There are about 20 girls so we're talking a total of £4000).

Price includes entry to a spa with one glass of champagne and a 30 min massage, the house (shared rooms - some will have sofa beds only) for 2 nights, some food and a few bottles of bubbles on the first night and possibly transport to a meal on the second night. It does not include transport there and back, a meal out on the second night, food/drink at the spa, any other drinks on either night (a night out is planned), transport back from a night out (to the middle of nowhere...) or anything for the final day when people will leave around afternoon-time. So overall, I think we're looking at £350 or so before I have even attended the wedding.

To make matters worse I am unlikely to make it until about midnight on the first night as I live further away than anyone. So said bubbles and food is unlikely to be waiting for me. This has been mentioned and conveniently ignored.

Not going is not an option, btw, as this is DH's DSis and he is very keen that I go. DH is actually paying for half of it because I got so angry about the assumption that I have so much money to just spare!

A friend has just informed me that she has also been asked to cough up £250 for a different hen weekend in the country with a similar set up, though I understand that food is included at that one.

Neither bride knows about these hen dos - they are to be surprises.

Why is this now the norm? My theory is that hens are always organised by chief bridesmaids, who are best friends or sisters of the bride... to them the wedding will be the biggest event of the year as its their bestie or sister, so they want the full works. However, they never seem to consider the rest of us poor schleps who end up spending obscene amounts of money for something that, actually, isn't anywhere near as huge an event in our lives...

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH

HedgehogsDontBite Thu 12-Feb-15 16:56:51

So don't go.

WorraLiberty Thu 12-Feb-15 16:59:33

Not going is not an option, btw, as this is DH's DSis and he is very keen that I go.

Of course it's an option, he's your DH not your Dad.

Frankly I'd rather pull my own teeth out than attend a hen like that, even if it was free.

It sounds shite blush

MomOfTwoGirls2 Thu 12-Feb-15 17:01:13

Ha, I'd get your DP to stump up for much more than half if I was only going to keep him/his family happy...

whippy33 Thu 12-Feb-15 17:02:48

I agree that it is ridiculous these days. I was asked to fork out £500 for a wknd last year. Added to the fact that I had to take a days unpaid leave = £100 + overnight stay at the hotel for the wedding £100, hair, make up jewellery, shoes to be a bridesmaid + wedding present and you are talking the best part of £1000. There were many comments made because I refused to pay that kind of money for someone else's special day. I was told it was 'expected because you are bridesmaid'. I attended for one day only on the wknd and that was my lot! It will all brush over after the wedding so if you don't want to go then don't. Make a point because someone has to or it gets ridiculously out of hand.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple Thu 12-Feb-15 17:02:50

Just don't go, nobody can make you.

I hate these big do's as they just give the bride her own way by putting the costs onto others. Fine if they want something more than a meal but they should fund it as part of the wedding costs.

LurkingLilly Thu 12-Feb-15 17:04:20

If be telling dh to go himself if it's that important to him hmm

tarashill Thu 12-Feb-15 17:04:58

Definitely not, just tell them straight, "sorry, can't afford it". If more people said no to these ridiculous self indulgent hen weekends it might get the message across.

WD41 Thu 12-Feb-15 17:05:24

This is exactly why on my own hen do I kept it very low key - I wanted all my friends to be able to come, not to be stressing about cost. We went for an affordable meal and then some drinks afterwards...it was lovely and nobody was bankrupted.

DeanKoontz Thu 12-Feb-15 17:05:37

If dh wants you to go so much, then he should be paying for the lot. Plus spends.

But, regardless, you shouldn't feel like you have to go.

iwasyoungonce Thu 12-Feb-15 17:10:57

Saying "no" is always an option.

You weigh up ruffling a few feathers v. doing what makes you happy.

If your DH knows how much you don't want to go, then he is a massive arsehole to be pressuring you. Tell him to fuck off.

Stillwishihadabs Thu 12-Feb-15 17:11:45

I was complaining about this nonsense in 2000 I rather thought ott weddings were a bit passe post 2008, or may be it has come round again (realises is very old, out of touch and no use whatever to OP)

SoonToBeMrsB Thu 12-Feb-15 17:12:57

Not going absolutely is an option.

I didn't go to my best friend's wedding last year and we didn't speak for a year because she asked everyone and their granny to be a bridesmaid but not me, then still expected me to pay to take two trains, a bus and a taxi each way by myself because DP was working, plus the hotel, wedding present and new outfit.

If you really don't want to pay the money, don't do it.

McSqueezy Thu 12-Feb-15 17:13:49

I think 'greedy bride syndrome' is becoming the norm.

At my friend's wedding we were initially expected to pay for a holiday trip! In the end the hen do was hosted by a bridesmaid and we all paid towards the entertainment.

Wellwellwell3holesintheground Thu 12-Feb-15 17:15:14

Ignoring the actual issue can I just congratulate you on your accurate plural of hen do.

PtolemysNeedle Thu 12-Feb-15 17:17:48

Not going is an option, and if your DH is keen for you to do something you don't want to do, why isn't he paying for all of it? Let him pay for the lot out of his own personal spending money.

Viviennemary Thu 12-Feb-15 17:19:27

Seems only in the last five or so years they've got out of hand. People should start saying sorry can't afford that much. And go back to simple meal or drink out. Rather than those cringeworthy matching t-shirts and other madness.

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 12-Feb-15 17:21:23

Don't go, you're getting there at midnight, guess who's going to get a sofa bed?.

DontDrinkandFacebook Thu 12-Feb-15 17:23:06

YANBU. These hen weekends are a nightmare. I am eternally grateful that I am too old to have had to suffer any of these. In my day we just went out for the evening and that was it, so I have thankfully avoided all this ridiculous nonsense and ostentatious expense.

It's awful that people feel guilt tripped into attending/spending out on this stuff, especially when you are at an age when there are several weddings a year to go to.

DontDrinkandFacebook Thu 12-Feb-15 17:24:55

In fact by the time you've bought a present, an outfit, paid for the hen night and the hotel/travel to the wedding if necessary, you could clock up £500 to £1000 per wedding without breaking a sweat.

pictish Thu 12-Feb-15 17:36:17

I agree...everyone should just start saying "your hen do is going to cost me how much?! Oh no, I certainly won't be able afford to spend as much as that! I'm afraid you'll have to count me out...sorry."
Smash the system and all that.

Bambambini Thu 12-Feb-15 17:36:19

Don't go then, when they do a big event like this - then the danger is that some won't make it.

But many folk love them and take the excuse to have a weekend away with friends which is very common these days.

Nervo Thu 12-Feb-15 17:43:43

Is it only your dh who wants you to go? Does he think you will enjoy it and that's why he's pressurising you?

Explain to him why you are not going and don't go.

LumpySpacedPrincess Thu 12-Feb-15 17:45:14

Just. Say. No.

Would you expect your dh to attend your brothers stag do? If the answer is no then why would you put yourself through this fresh hell.

championnibbler Thu 12-Feb-15 17:46:17

Just say its too much money, that you just cannot afford.
Then tell your DH to jog on.

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