I've really deliberated over whether or not to post here. It's something I'm not sure I want to delve into but feel as though I need answers.
I remember a while back a very close friend confided in me that she'd started having flash backs to a time that she had no recollection of otherwise. She said that she remembered the room that she was in and remembered a bald headed man although she couldn't remember what had actually happened, she said that she felt as though her mind had blocked it out. She has since had a conversation with her mum about these flashbacks. Her mum broke down and said that when she wasmade toddler of 2 she had been sexually abused by a friend. She had never mentioned it as she had hoped that my friend hadn't remembered it.
It bought back memories of my own flashbacks. I tried to push them to one side but it's just always giggling in the back of my mind.
I remember being in the bathroom of my childhood home with my father (I'm guessing I wouldve been about 2) I was naked and I remember him being naked too. This might not sound unusual but we weren't an "open" family wherever nudity was concerned so it WAS unusual for our set up.
I remember him turning the shower on and I remember the White shower curtain. I also remember my hair being tied up in a bun on the top of my head. If I was going into the shower, why was it tied up? To keep it out of the way? I remember him lifting me into the shower and I remember nothing after that. We NEVER showered, bathed whatever with our parents. It was not something that we did.
I have never been close to my dad. Never a daddy's girl considering my mum and dad split up when I was 15, so idhad 15 years of him being at home, nearly my whole childhood.
I was always wary of him frightened almost.
There might be nothing in these flashbacks but I can only think that they are coming back for a reason, like they've been suppressed for a long time.
I have my own daughter now, she's 18 months old. I was always wary of giving her to my dad to hold and would never change her nappy in front of him. I don't know if it's my subconscious or whether I'm reading far too much into things. There is just something that makes me very uncomfortable around him that I can't quite put into words.
My father and I have since fallen out over something irrelevant to this post. He is an alcoholic Wh blames everybody else for his problems. It sounds awful but I don't miss him at all, I'm not even sure that I love him.
In fact I don't love him. I don't want to get flamed for this thread but I need some advice. I just don't know where to start
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AIBU?
I've posted here primarily for traffic, I'm sorry if it's not relevant but I need help . . .
6 replies
Fatlapdancer · 12/02/2015 11:14
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