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AIBU toner a bit pissed off about this?

(128 Posts)
MagersfonteinLugg Thu 12-Feb-15 09:31:57

To make this short...DH keeps pushing me to apply for a job that would involve working evenings and weekends ( both of which he refuses to do himself BTW).
I work from home ATM which leaves me available for the DCs at all times such as school holidays, inset days, sicknesses etc.
It will never make me a millionaire but it makes about £600 per month which covers all food, petrol, clothes and toys etc (DH never even bought a pair is socks for them).
This job would also mean leaving the DCs with him every evening and asking my mum to look after them at the weekend, which I'm not happy about either.
He seems to think that unless you actually work outside the home then it's not real work.
AIBU to be pissed off?

LaurieFairyCake Thu 12-Feb-15 09:33:15

Why would your mother look after them
at weekends?

Why can't he look after his own children?

ssd Thu 12-Feb-15 09:34:09

why is your mum having them at weekends if your dh doesnt work them?

he sounds like a knob.

whothehellknows Thu 12-Feb-15 09:34:39

Every evening and weekend seems a lot. When would you actually get to see your kids? Just at half term and holidays?

Imnotaslimjim Thu 12-Feb-15 09:35:40

I think you might have more issues than the working hours.....

NerrSnerr Thu 12-Feb-15 09:39:56

Why wouldn't your husband look after them at the weekend?

InfinitySeven Thu 12-Feb-15 09:41:54

No, YANBU. There are two issues here, though.

Working from home is tough on its own. There are some people who just can't seem to comprehend that it is real work. My PILs were terrible at it when I started - they'd always interrupt me, bring me random children to "babysit", come and talk to me, ask me to go and get things from town, send huge deliveries to my house...Now that FIL works from home too, they leave me to it, but they just couldn't see it the same way as when I go to the office. You have to be really firm, and eventually it gets through.

Your DH sounds like a knob, though, and that will be the bigger problem. For a start, he doesn't tell you to get a job. He can talk to you about needing to increase your income, if necessary, but then you need to look at all options - including working a normal 9 - 5, if it would earn you more, and covering childcare. If you do choose to work outside of normal hours, so that you don't need to pay for childcare, your DH should be expecting and willing to look after the children. They are part of his family, and he cannot sponge them off onto your parents. Don't allow that to be an option. If he won't have them at the weekend, find the costs of out-of-hours childcare and present that. It'll almost certainly make any increase in wages irrelevant.

I couldn't afford to only earn £600 per month, so he's not unreasonable to mention it if you're in the same position. You have children and the costs that come with childcare and sickness to think about, though, and he has no right to demand that you do anything - especially working all hours, and not seeing your children. You have to find a workable compromise.

DeanKoontz Thu 12-Feb-15 09:42:36

It doesn't sound very practical to me. Would you earn much more in the other job? What is his motivation for pushing you into this?

Groovee Thu 12-Feb-15 09:44:21

He sounds like my friends husband who classed childminding as not a proper job.

If you are happy then that's what matters. He would have to look after his own kids if you worked evenings and weekend.

MagersfonteinLugg Thu 12-Feb-15 10:07:42

He plays sport at the weekend so not available to look after DCs. Just "assumes" my mum will step in.
He is self employed, works 4 days a week about 30 hrs. He could do more hours but says he only needs to work those hours to cover all his outgoings. That's fair enough as I don't expect him to work all hours.
However, there are times where I don't get to sit down till 10pm due to my home working then usual cooking and cleaning and making up lunches and sorting out uniforms for next day .
He literally never lifts a finger out of "work". Will occasionally move the dustbin if he notices its bin day.
Never cooks, cleans etc, which I never argue about.
This other job would not bring in much more and would add loads of stress for me as I am very wary about him "looking after" DCs in my absence as he's too lackadaisical.
I just feel he expects me to take on this new job AND carry on doing everything else still IYSWIM

DeanKoontz Thu 12-Feb-15 10:15:18

You're already working in the evenings then!?

It sounds like there are a lot more issues here. He needs to up his game to increase his working hours to full time and start to pull his weight around the house.

Never cooks, cleans etc, which I never argue about.

^^This needs to change

I am very wary about him "looking after" DCs in my absence as he's too lackadaisical.

^^and this.

Have you tried to change the balance of work in the house? What's his response?

MagersfonteinLugg Thu 12-Feb-15 10:15:25

I could understand it if this job was going to make a big difference to our income but it won't. I will have less time to devote to my home working so that income will drop and any extra I make at the evening/ weekend job will go towards paying my mum as there's no way I expect her to do child care for nothing, no matter how much she loves them!

sliceofsoup Thu 12-Feb-15 10:16:45

I agree. Your problems are much bigger than this job.

Your DH is a man child.

sliceofsoup Thu 12-Feb-15 10:19:24

So let me get this straight, your DH wants you to take on another job, ontop of everything you already do, because the money is good, but he refuses to work more hours to get more money himself. And he cannot even be trusted to look after his own children?

Christ on a bike.

Fudgeface123 Thu 12-Feb-15 10:22:24

and doesn't want to pay for his own children DH never even bought a pair is socks for them

petalsandstars Thu 12-Feb-15 10:24:54

And why does he not pay towards things for the children?

VixxFace Thu 12-Feb-15 10:25:41

What do you mean he only wants enough money for HIS outgoings whilst you pay everything else for the children as well as everything around the house.

What does he actually do and why are you with him? ?

minibmw2010 Thu 12-Feb-15 10:28:51

Do not apply for that job. The one you are doing is clearly more family friendly and as you say there will be no financial benefit. And as for his doing sport at the weekend so not being available. Wow .. I'm sorry, but what job you do is not your biggest problem here.

Sparkletastic Thu 12-Feb-15 10:32:40

I never say this but I would honestly LTB. He sounds utterly selfish and in no sense is behaving as a partner in an equal relationship should.

PatriciaHolm Thu 12-Feb-15 10:33:09

Your husband is a twat.

But then I think you already know that.

MagersfonteinLugg Thu 12-Feb-15 10:41:27

Okay, the house is in his name, he pays mortgage, utilities etc. I pay for food and things for DC such as school uniforms, clothes, shoes etc.
I paid for 90% of Xmas presents last year and he moaned about that as he seemed to think I was going to sit there on Xmas morning claiming "I paid for that, and that" which I totally would not have done. So he made a last minute dash to toysrus and panic splurged in order to not look bad as he put it on Xmas dayshock
He knows exactly how much he needs to earn each month in order to cover his DDs so when that's earnt he goes off to play golf. He recently reviewed a PPI defend of about £3,000 which he put towards his golf club fees and some new clubs.
I have no issue with that as I feel that, as he pays the bulk if the house bills then its his money to spend as he wants.
If we were really struggling for money on a monthly basis U could understand his position but that's not the case.
I think he just lacks respect for what I am currently doing and wants me to go outside the house to work like he does. Does that make any sense?

DPotter Thu 12-Feb-15 10:45:04

My DP asked me when I was going back to work full time when our DD started school - for once I had the response - that's fine we'll have to work out a rota for school drop off & pick-ups, cover for sickness and holidays (and the killer punch) and of course you DP can only play golf once at the weekend as I'll need a day at the weekend for my hobby. He's never asked again.
I have a 'portfolio career' - working about 12-15 hours outside the home & about 15 at home, so not full time but I have plenty of flexibility for school runs, holidays etc. I do most to the household stuff. I don't earn as much as I used to but I'm not busting a gut to try and do everything, working my way to an early grave.
You need to get tough and he needs to step up

FarFromAnyRoad Thu 12-Feb-15 10:48:05

So - errrr - what are his redeeming features? Only to me he sounds like a fucking nightmare in every sense of the word. What's in this for you? You really want to live the rest of your life like this?

andsmile Thu 12-Feb-15 10:49:32

tell him to fuck of cheeky entitled git - you are not 'staff'

sliceofsoup Thu 12-Feb-15 10:50:08

Why are you OK with him never cooking or cleaning and never looking after his children though? That isn't OK. He has it made. He works basically part time and then swans off to the golf club and leaves everything else to you.

He lacks respect for you because you don't seem to have demanded respect up til now. You seem quite happy to facilitate his easy life even though it makes your life harder.

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