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Do you have consequences for lost stuff.

(50 Posts)
Itsgoingtoreindeer Wed 11-Feb-15 08:04:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS Wed 11-Feb-15 08:06:59

How old ? Does she get pocket money she could use to reimburse you ?

TheMoa Wed 11-Feb-15 08:07:44

A toilet pass is a new one on me grin

I lose things a lot, so I have some sympathy with addle headed offspring.

Are things being lost, or taken - it's got to be hard to lose a coat, but I have lost glasses, keys, books, tickets etc myself.

I guess it depends on age and circumstance. If something needs to be replaced I replace it, if it's not vital, they find an alternative.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Wed 11-Feb-15 08:14:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Wed 11-Feb-15 08:22:17

I react like my Mum used too if I ever something. I fly in a rage and rant that they really should be more careful with their belongings as I haven't a bottomless pit of money to replace lost stuff. Consequently they are very careful not to lose things as not to incur my wrath.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Wed 11-Feb-15 08:22:48

*if I ever lost something.

chillybillybob Wed 11-Feb-15 08:23:28

I would in this case at 11 nearly 12 she shouldn't be loosing so many thing. she is being careless at your expense.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Wed 11-Feb-15 08:25:55

Could she sacrifice something she likes for a week rather than repayment? So if she always watches X tv show or has Y hours screen time, could you insist that if she loses something you have to replace (planner, glasses, coat), then she loses certain privaliges?

Eastpoint Wed 11-Feb-15 08:27:42

But she's started secondary school, is changing classrooms all day & coping with being in a much busier environment. How does she tell you she's lost her things, apologetically or only when pressed? I'd go gently on her & explain how hard you work to pay for things and ask her yet again to look after her possessions. No point crying over split milk.

Ragwort Wed 11-Feb-15 08:32:28

I refuse to replace or insist DS (14) uses his own money (he gets £10 a month pocket money - straight to his bank) plus he has birthday and Christmas money.

I only ever get coats from charity shops so it is not £££££££££s if they are lost (and anyway once she gets to secondary school your DD just won't wear a coat, even if it is freezing grin).

If you don't give pocket money then agree with Think - you will have to stop privileges - whatever it is she likes best, tv, screen time etc.

NickiFury Wed 11-Feb-15 08:34:01

What are her medical/SEN needs?

TheFirstOfHerName Wed 11-Feb-15 08:34:47

From Y7 onwards, we give them a week to find the missing item, then they have to contribute towards the cost of the replacement. We have found that this motivates them to actually look in lost property.

Davsmum Wed 11-Feb-15 08:37:38

I think you have to teach children how to be organised. If you encourage them to be orderly at home and tidy their own stuff and put things where they should go then they are less likely to be dis-organised everywhere else.

They also have to see you being organised. They learn from what they see.

OhYouBadBadKitten Wed 11-Feb-15 08:38:10

I'm wondering if some regular pocket money might help her appreciate the value of things. I do have sympathy for her though, I was a scatter rain who went through a period of just losing stuff, it was something I really struggled with.

Bakeoffcakes Wed 11-Feb-15 08:47:52

No I didn't have consequences. Dd1 never lost a thing, she's organised and careful. Dd2 on the other hand is the opposite.

She doesn't do it deliberatley and stresses so much about lost/forgotten things. I don't add to that stress by punishing her.

Try to help by asking her to name everything and ensuring she goes to lost property regularly.

Topseyt Wed 11-Feb-15 08:50:43

I have one prone to losing / damaging things due to pure carelessness at school. She is 12' going on 13 now.

She must either pay herself from her pocket money (also £10 per month), or face the consequences at school.

She shattered the screen of her phone a while back (it still works sometimes). I refuse to replace that until her contract is up this July.

Don't be too helpful is my response. They have to learn to be responsible for themselves.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 11-Feb-15 08:54:38

We have just started pocket money for 5yo specifically so we can dock it when she loses things!! Sounds really harsh but she just took no care at all and would make no effort to look for them once lost that we decided an extra motivator was required.

SoupDragon Wed 11-Feb-15 09:07:35

I replace teen DSs' stuff but I make them earn the amount back by doing chores. I haven't ironed a school shirt in years!

I don't think docking pocket money teaches them that things cost money and that money doesn't just appear it has to be earned. I wanted a more clear example of the actual "cost" of money/things.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Wed 11-Feb-15 09:21:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Wed 11-Feb-15 09:22:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReallyTired Wed 11-Feb-15 09:27:08

My year 8 son is terrible for losing things. I make him contribute towards replacement.

The other evil tactic is that I threaten to turn up at the school reception at home time to look through the school lost property with him. The sheer horror of mum turning up at the school gate is enough to terrify any self respecting teen!

Iggly Wed 11-Feb-15 09:29:44

We have just started pocket money for 5yo specifically so we can dock it when she loses things!! Sounds really harsh but she just took no care at all and would make no effort to look for them once lost that we decided an extra motivator was required

That is a bit shitty for a five year old.

My five year old loses stuff - school is a bit hectic like that. If he does, I ask the teacher and she gets him to have a look. They have to rush around loads of children so no wonder bits get lost.

PtolemysNeedle Wed 11-Feb-15 09:31:33

By 11, we had natural consequences for losing things.

We have had lost PE kits, a lost coat, loads of lost stationary, a lost lunchbox and a lost school tie. Everything has been replaced, but paid for out of their pocket money or the money they have saved from birthdays and Christmas. They also get the opportunity to do chores to earn money.

Theas18 Wed 11-Feb-15 09:34:20

With secondary age kids I replace things the 1st time then they pay thereafter. Also an appropriate painful consequence may be applied....I don't mean I beat them, but loose your gum shield - no rugby till the replacement arrives, loose your bus pass- well pay to get to school and back but want to got your mates - too bad , you have legs....

I try very hard to rant and rave but hell I did when he left the French horn on the bus - TWICE! (And yes we did get it back amazingly , I think because it's a circular route those who might be eyeing it up didn't know who's it was )

NickiFury Wed 11-Feb-15 09:48:34

Why does she have a toilet pass for medical and SEN needs? Are they needs that would affect how she organises herself and her belongings?

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