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to think she should give her a lift her fucking self if it's such a wonderful idea?

(63 Posts)
RedButtonhole Tue 10-Feb-15 12:56:58

I recently started a night class which I attend once a week. The college I attend at is in a large town which is situated in a county mainly made up of rural towns and villages so many of the students commute up to 50 miles to attend here.

I travel 40 miles by car and another girl in the class travels from the same direction but is only 20 miles away.

On the first night one of the other students loudly suggested that I give public transport girl a lift home As she has to wait 40 minutes on a bus after the class. Put on the spot and not wanting to seem mean, I said I didn't mind taking her home that night, but she ended up leaving before me and never mentioned waiting for a lift.

This week, the student suggested it again, I overheard her saying loudly and pointedly that "it's a shame one of the other girls wont give you a lift to class and back to save you the hassle of getting a bus and waiting about". Public transport girl just shrugged it off.

The thing is, it is sort of on my road home, but it would add about half an hour onto an already long journey and as I live so out of the way I do like to get other things done when I'm in the town if I can make spare time before the class so wont always be travelling at set times.

The girl who takes the bus has never really mentioned wanting a lift herself and in any case she knew what the travel would be like when she signed up for the class.

AIBU to think the pushy one should just keep her nose out and stop trying to guilt trip me into offering this girl a lift?

AnotherManicMonday Tue 10-Feb-15 12:58:51

YANBU

mmgirish Tue 10-Feb-15 13:01:58

YANBU, I think it's so rude when people are pushy like that.

bloodygorgeous Tue 10-Feb-15 13:02:58

Yanbu

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Tue 10-Feb-15 13:03:25

Yanbu.

comedycentral Tue 10-Feb-15 13:03:30

I bet the public transport girl doesn't even want a lift and is happy to get the bus or whatever. She probably feels mortified that these other people are interfering!

Just ignore them.

coppertop Tue 10-Feb-15 13:04:51

I suspect the bus student is also annoyed with the pushy one and doesn't actually want a lift anyway.

Frusso Tue 10-Feb-15 13:06:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SistersOfPercy Tue 10-Feb-15 13:08:55

I think if she said it again I'd have to approach pushy woman with 'Well, that doesn't work for me actually, but as you are so vocal about it I'm sure you wont mind taking her'.

ByTheWishingWell Tue 10-Feb-15 13:08:55

YANBU. If I drove right past someone's door, I'd feel mean if I didn't offer a lift, although there's no obligation to. But adding half an hour to each journey is a bit much. I bet public transport girl feels very awkward when it's loudly mentioned.

RedButtonhole Tue 10-Feb-15 13:09:37

Well that's how I would feel if I was relying on buses comedy. I'd be quite happy to be doing my own thing and would work it to suit me (catch up on reading or something).

I have been ignoring it but it is really awkward as there is a huge silence after pushy girl speaks, which I am obviously (in her mind) meant to fill with an offer to help.

It sounds a bit precious but I have also grown to love my drive home, I rarely get time completely alone to switch off and this allows me to do so. Selfishly I don't want to give that up.

AlpacaPicnic Tue 10-Feb-15 13:09:50

Yanbu! I love getting the bus - I listen to the radio (quietly through headphones!) or read.
I hate it when people react as if I've announced I'm about to murder a kitten - 'urgh, you can't get a bus all the way there!' for a journey of thirty minutes...

Rebecca2014 Tue 10-Feb-15 13:11:47

Tell her to shut it! the poor girl doesn't even want a lift.

Behindthepaintedgarden Tue 10-Feb-15 13:12:58

YANBU. You already have a long drive there and back, and asking you to go half an hour out of your way to give someone you don't even really know a lift is ridiculous.
Also, I totally understand your reluctance to being tied to having to leave at a certain time instead of having the flexibility to go in early and meet someone for a coffee or do a bit of shopping or whatever.

Also, it sounds as if the bus girl is well aware of this and has not intention of pushing for a lift.

crazykat Tue 10-Feb-15 13:14:09

If public transport girl is anything like me she's probably mortified by the pushy one. I don't drive, friends do but I don't ask for lifts as I quite like walking (when I don't have dcs with me) and if I was getting the bus that far I'd enjoy the alone time without dcs constantly arguing or saying mummymummymummy in stereo.

BrendaBlackhead Tue 10-Feb-15 13:15:25

If you don't want to be rude, the next time pushy lift-offerer pipes up you could say, "Oh, I'm afraid I always go to the big Tesco on the ringroad after the class," or, as you said, "I come in at random times as I've always got some errand or other to run in town."

RedButtonhole Tue 10-Feb-15 13:17:25

I love getting the bus/train as well- I only use a car because I am so far away. I would have declined a lift for the same reasons as you Alpaca

The girl hasn't actually declined the suggestion though, which is what I would do so I feel it would still sound really mean if I just come out with a straight 'no'.

Shedding Tue 10-Feb-15 13:19:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargotLovedTom Tue 10-Feb-15 13:19:32

I think I'd try to have a quiet word with bus student to explain why you haven't offered a lift. I'd then quite happily let pushy bugger flap about trying to organise other people's lives and getting nowhere.

Mammanat222 Tue 10-Feb-15 13:22:55

Maybe speak to public transport girl directly and explain that you won't be able to offer a lift as a) you tend to come into town earlier to do your bits and pieces and b) where she lives is no on route and adds a significant amount of time to your journey.

I am sure she doesn't even want / expect a lift.

Then next time gobshite starts banging on about a lift you can tell her 'sorry but it doesn't work for me. I've spoken to pt-girl and she understands. You are free to offer her a lift though'.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Tue 10-Feb-15 13:23:43

I suppose you couldn't get hold of her and say if you are aiming that at me, you do realise it would add half an hour to my journey and cost me quite a bit in petrol don't you?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Tue 10-Feb-15 13:24:08

by get hold of her, I don't mean grab her by the scruff of the neck grin I mean get her aside.

AmantesSuntAmentes Tue 10-Feb-15 13:31:17

YANBU. It would add an hour per day to your travel? Honestly, stupid, rude, loud person, is exactly that.

If she starts again, I would tell her I couldn't spare an extra hour per day of travel, so there is good reason for why I hadn't already offered.

Poor PT girl must be mortified!

Whatisaweekend Tue 10-Feb-15 13:41:38

I think Mamman has the right idea! The other student is a rude, interfering loudmouth!!

Mrsjayy Tue 10-Feb-15 13:48:02

The pushy 1 is probably 1 of these folk who think nobody likes getting a bus or doesn't mind bus girl is more than likely mortified just ignore the big gob, I don't drive if I want to do something then I am aware I need to get a bus and would never dream of expecting a lift.

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