Advanced search ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

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MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Floundering Tue 10-Feb-15 09:13:41

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

dementedpixie Tue 10-Feb-15 09:14:54

i refuse to read the books and will not be going to see the film either as it doesn't interest me

BeeRayKay Tue 10-Feb-15 09:22:06


in your opinion it amounts to abuse. and youre clearly talking second hand info when it comes to BDSM.

It's not normalising domestic abuse at all. Yes he's controlling in the first book, have you read all three? Seen how the relationship develops? Seen how his control lessens? And how to encourages open communication and trust?

It's not phyiscally abusive in any way wither!

ButterBrickle Tue 10-Feb-15 09:26:01

YANBU at all, for the reasons you've stated.

MyGastIsTinselled Tue 10-Feb-15 09:27:48

To the eye rolling poster:
The film isn't of all three though is it? He's a controlling cunt in the first book, so unpleasant that I have no desire to read the other two, and that's what the film is based on. Lots of people will see the film who haven't read any of the books.

It's dangerous normalising of DV and I, for one, want nothing to do with it, or people who think it's ok.

EvilTendency1 Tue 10-Feb-15 09:27:54


It still starts with the him being controlling and changing as the story develops, however this still a horrible example of any relationship developing and making it acceptable that controlling behaviour is acceptable when it isn't ever.

50 shades is a shower of shite.

tinkerbellvspredator Tue 10-Feb-15 09:32:15

Oh yes BeeRayKay what a great message "find a controlling man and if you're the perfect woman you can Change him"

CundtBake Tue 10-Feb-15 09:32:54

I haven't and won't read the book because I'm not a moron

But if he start out as controlling/abusive in the first book and changes in the further books isn't that an even worse message? I stayed with my evil controlling abusive ex for ages hoping he would change.

Primadonnagirl Tue 10-Feb-15 09:33:15

So those of you that are against it still read the book ( s) then? Haven't read it myself ..wouldn't want to..but you can't have a go at people when you have read it. It was hardly a secret what it was about.

ChaosTrulyReigns Tue 10-Feb-15 09:34:32

Thanks for this, Floundering. I feel I'm muttering into an abyss about this with several of my peers, but now you've mentioned Women's Aid have a stance I might have more power to my mutterings.

MrsWolowitz Tue 10-Feb-15 09:34:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeeRayKay Tue 10-Feb-15 09:34:52

They are making the sequels of the films.

It doesn't normalise it, all the way through Ana is questioning it and her friends are advising her.

It's meant to be a love overcomes all thing.

Yes I am aware that the pseudo abuse isn't nice....but you're missing the point MASSIVELY.

He wanted her for a Sub. He lived the BDSM lifestyle, not just the sex side. She knew what being his sub entailed. She voluntarily entered into that situation. He did not coerce/blackmail/violate/bribe/use guilt/physically harm her to get her to agree to being his sub.

And thats the main point. He says upfront that he wants to control and rule her. He tells her straight, its part of him and his lifestyle in terms of BDSM. She says okay.

Then she decides she can't do that. She doesn't want to be controlled. So it stops, they become equal.

Thats not abuse.

BeeRayKay Tue 10-Feb-15 09:36:37

If you're going to boycott the 50shades saga can you not do it on something concrete like the portrayal of women only being able to think with their hearts and not their brains?

angelos02 Tue 10-Feb-15 09:36:52

I think BDSM is something you are into or you are not. I don't think you can go from never having thought of it to enjoying it.

MrsWolowitz Tue 10-Feb-15 09:37:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon Tue 10-Feb-15 09:40:13

I've read the books. Yes, they are a pile of shite but I don't see how people can comment on their content if they've not actually read them all.

HubertCumberdale Tue 10-Feb-15 09:43:17

My immediate reaction to your post is... That's what turns some people on. Who are you to judge that?
However I've not read the book and I won't be going to see the film, but that's because I have taste.
Is their relationship similar in nature to Secretary?

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Tue 10-Feb-15 09:44:21

They're shit. He's a wanker and she's a huge Mary-Sue.

RedButtonhole Tue 10-Feb-15 09:44:29

50 Shades of Grey is utter pish. Regardless of what the content may or may not encourage or normalise, it's just so badly written.

It irritates me that the talentless fool who wrote it has cashed in on creating such complete trash.

BeeRayKay Tue 10-Feb-15 09:44:43

In my opnion, the books are poorly written, have atrocious repetitiveness, the sex scenes aren't even that good.

But I think people pushing this down the whole "omgosh abuse" thing are treading a very dangerous line. Just because you don't like it, it's not right to call it abuse. Not when you consider it that she chose it all and to be fair she's pretty shallow, she chose it just cause he was good looking.

Abuse, in my experience and unfortunately that's vast, is insidious, chronic and one partner doesn't enter it voluntarily.

And to the PP who said BDSM is something your into or not...don't know till you've tried? lol. And in this case she was a prude and a virgin, so it's possible with someone she trusted she'd be inclined to try it....

LetticeKnollys Tue 10-Feb-15 09:45:27

But BeeRay, the fact that the relationship improves isn't a good thing. He is very possessive and controlling in the first book. If he starts treating her like a princess later then what message is that giving to young women and girls? "Don't worry if your partner seems abusive at first, he'll change". confused

BeeRayKay Tue 10-Feb-15 09:45:44

HubertCumberdale not dissimilar. It's a fair correlation.

LadyLuck10 Tue 10-Feb-15 09:47:34

Oh fgs op, massive eye roll to you. Surely adults can decide for themselves.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Tue 10-Feb-15 09:48:20

I didn't think 'Mumsnet' as a whole was particularly fond of the books tbh, so I feel your plea may be somewhat wasted here.

I don't think I've ever read a thread praising the series.

BeeRayKay Tue 10-Feb-15 09:48:24

Lettic because in the first book she'd agreed to be his submissive, she understood what the entailed.

As soon as she said she couldn't be his sub, she didnt want to be controlled and hurt. things changed.....

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