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To not want to increase contact with abusive ex

(9 Posts)
MaryPoppinPills Mon 09-Feb-15 19:50:32

Hello all,

I'll try and keep this short and sweet but not promising as don't want to drip feed.

Me and my Exp broke up just after xmas we have 1 ds 2yo together.

The reason for the break up was because he punched me in the face whilst driving with ds in the back. I called the police and he was arrested faced court outcome was community service supervision order fine and I have been granted a restraining order for 3 years.

SS are involved but not full on (only seen them once and they said they were not concerned) as they can see I'm not going back to him, I'm sorting out my affairs and safeguarding my child.

I refused contact until the court case was over ss agreed with this as I didn't want my ds to get confused if the outcome was custodial. I suggested that contact after should be once a month for a few hours to begin with to test the water and see how my son coped, this I wanted for at least a few months. The contact is at my DM's house she's happy for it to be there rather than a contact centre in case my son does get distressed then she is on hand to distract/defuse the situation.

Anyway first contact was Saturday gone he turned up on time to spend two hours with ds he gave the maintenance money and begrudgingly my travel expenses (I wasn't in when he turned up) as i live an hours train ride from my DM and I'm refusing to be out of pocket so he can have contact. He stayed for 90 minutes and after an hour was checking his watch constantly so I've been told.

Fast forward to today and my AIBU...

He today rang my DM asking when he can next see ds my DM said that it was agreed that it would be once a month for a while to which he said "that is not enough i want once a fortnight or I'm going to call ss and if they don't sort it I'm going to my solicitor to get a court order and contact centre"

So AIBU only doing once a month when I'm taking him to my DM leaving them for couple of hours (not a lot to do round my DMs area) I work FT he's left me in masses of debt (didn't pay water bill for 3 years took the rent money ect) I'm trying to be reasonable I could quite easily say no contact full stop but I'm not that kind of person I'm trying to the right thing by my son but fortnightly is too much at the moment.

Also will a court enforce this??

Sorry this wasn't short and sweet at all


GinAndSonic Mon 09-Feb-15 19:55:41

Yanbu, a court may not even allow him contact. let him take you to court.

CalleighDoodle Mon 09-Feb-15 19:56:54

Ivw no idea but cant you phone your socisl worker? Tbh id be happier with an abusive ex at a contact crntre than at mymums.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 09-Feb-15 20:01:25

Exactly, a contact centre would be better. I could not leave my poor mum with a volatile individual.

MaryPoppinPills Mon 09-Feb-15 20:02:54

Thanks for replying

GinAndSonic one can wish a court would would refuse contact but i somehow doubt they would i'll be crossing my fingers though if it does end up at court.

CalleighDoodle My DM is the only person he actually wont cross tbh and ds is very clingy atm i wouldnt want him having to be removed from me upset at a contact centre just so that lowlife can live up to his disney dad role

SorchaN Mon 09-Feb-15 20:04:50

You're not being at all unreasonable. He'll soon find out the hard way if he contacts social services or tries to take you to court.

MaryPoppinPills Mon 09-Feb-15 20:05:32

I'll be calling sw tomorrow for advice i tried earlier but her voicemail still says shes on annual leave till 3rd january hmm but will definitely be on her case tomorrow

RandomMess Mon 09-Feb-15 20:08:49

Did he used to bully you? If so he is probably just trying his usual tactics.

Let him take you to court. I would also put your foot down about him having phone contact with either your mum or you. All contact in writing only.

MaryPoppinPills Mon 09-Feb-15 20:12:50

The court stated contact either via my mum or the solicitor. Im not backing down in regards to the contact, unless forced by the court that is and yes he probably is thinking he can bully me into changing my mind by throwing his weight around. Pity for him in stronger now.

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