I don't know what to do

[Butterfly13]

Hi.
iv name changed for this, I am a long term poster and I promise I'm not a troll.

Iv recently broke up with my partner, we were together for 15 years.
Were still leaving together at the moment but both looking for places to live.

It's so hard, I'm in no way over him, his over me. Doesn't want to communicate, only on his terms, he has a life, goes out drinking, racing etc. And I'm just left at home doing nothing. He is so cold and heartless, yesterday we had planned to spend the day together doing something fun, we disagreed on something and he just walked away and left me, not caring about our plans that we had made together, went to the pub. Got in at 3am.
Stayed in bed, then got up and went back to the pub. I was crying wanting to talk. He walked away. his still not back now.

I know I have no control over him, he can do what he wants, and we aren't together anymore. But o don't understand how he can be so heartless and uncaring. He has changed so much recently, becoming a mean person.
All I seem to do is cry, i feel like a little kid and I hate it.

Last weekend things got serious, he wasn't listening to me, I poked him in the head and told him to listen, i was frustrated and hurting, and ofcourse shouldn't of done it. He got hold of my neck and squeezed it hard. There's never been any violence before.

Writing this all down, sounds so pathetic, but I don't know what to do anymore, I have no option of moving out anywhere else, and nor does he. Not really close to any family and no real friends, I just can't be bothered anymore, what's the point, he was my life, now I don't have one. I just don't want to be here anymore

[CurlyWurlyCake]

He got hold of my neck and squeezed it hard

You need to call women's aid and get yourself out of there.

That is not a normal reaction. Call the police, you are trapped and need help.

Who owns the house/name on paper?

[CurlyWurlyCake]

www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010018

[TheFecklessFairy]

I poked him in the head and told him to listen,

Not a good idea, OP. I think the only thing you can do is extricate yourself with some dignity. As you say, he IS over you, even though you are not over him.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Do you have any children?

One of you needs to be leaving for your own safety.

[LaurieFairyCake]

You need to leave. Getting to the stage where you're getting physical with each other is the end.

Stop poking him, stop whining and clinging on and crying over him - do that grieving somewhere else. He's only being cold to you because it's over for HIM.

[Butterfly13]

You are all right. and yes, I'm like a kid, and I hate it. No kids, no violence since last week.
I know I started it, it was stupid, i was very emotional.
The house is rented at the moment, we are both looking for places to live. But it's not proving easy.

I hate him. I love him

[AntiHop]

It's so difficult having to live together under these circumstances. His violence was completely unacceptable. Was he remorseful? Even if he was that doesn't make it ok.

You need to keep yourself busy to stay out of his way and start to build a new life. Do something like take up a hobby, enrol in a class, look at meetup.com