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To wonder how much GPs usually help out

(151 Posts)
Ruperta Sun 08-Feb-15 19:46:06

We live about 200 miles away from both sets of grandparents so we obviously get along without any help.

SIL (DHs sister) lives about 30 min drive away from PILs and gets loads of help but to the extent that we have begun to think it is slightly odd (although fully aware some of this may be jealously & also therefore being a bit judgey pants)

Just wondering how much you rely on your GPs to get an idea of what is the norm (if there is such a thing!)

PILs look after SILs kids 2 days a week & then have them overnight on the sat night approximately every other weekend. SIL & her husband work full time too so the real judgey pants bit of me thinks they would want to spend their weekend with their kids.

Anyhoo I realise its lovely that they have that relationship with GPs but shouldn't the GPs be doing more with their lives? Is SIL taking the Michael a little? Or is this completely normal if you live relatively close.

I know IABU as they all seem happy with the sutuation but just wondered how it works for others

FaFoutis Sun 08-Feb-15 19:49:25

I get no help whatsoever.

When I'm a grandparent I would be happy to do what your PILs do for your SIL. It is lovely that they want to.

WorraLiberty Sun 08-Feb-15 19:53:24

I think the scenario you describe is absolutely lovely for the children and all the adults involved. What's not to like?

They do spend weekends with their kids, because they go to their GPs every other weekend.

Your PILs have plenty of time to do other things in their lives, as well has having a lovely close relationship with their grand children.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Sun 08-Feb-15 19:53:28

Ours don't do anything (my parents live 150 miles away and in-laws have retired abroad). However SIL also lives abroad (about 5 miles from their parents) and when she has children IL's will do all that and more for her.

Crazyqueenofthecatladies Sun 08-Feb-15 19:54:35

Single mum of two with no grand parental help here. From what I (bitterly) see most people with gps nearby seem to take the piss! They often justify it that the gps insist because they love it so much... they look pretty knackered out of love and flattened at most school pick ups.

Hamiltoes Sun 08-Feb-15 19:54:54

Hmm.., in 4 years i've never had a to miss a social event/ night out because I didn't have a babysitter.

DD has 12 grandparents though (we all had them very young and lots of re-marriges) and 2 childless aunties and uncles who dote over her.

Stays with my fraternal grandparents every tuesday night who didn't have any kids of their own.

Stays with my mum and step dad most fridays. And my brother and his girlfriend every few saturdays.

I guess I'm extremely lucky and have the luxury of generations of young mothers.

JohnPlayingDarts Sun 08-Feb-15 19:55:18

I am SAHM and DH works 55 hours a week with the occasional offshore trip. DC are 6 and 4. Once a month my mum will come to our house to babysit while we have an evening out. She will have them for an overnight stay about 3 times a year. On top of that if I have a hair appointment/dentist/doctor she will have them. in-laws last babysat when DC1 was 6 months old. We went to the cinema and she phoned during the film to ask how long we would be. They are very busy people and are lovely but do not do any favours with childcare. I realise we are very lucky with our lot.

SweetSorrow Sun 08-Feb-15 19:57:40

All my children's grandparents work so aren't always available but they help out whenever they are needed. I'm back to work next month and my mum and mil are both going to be looking after our children to save us from extortionate childcare bills. My eldest sleeps over at my mums probably once every 8 weeks (she's 3.6), my youngest has only stayed once but once again if I asked more often I think my mum would have them. They don't stay at MILs because she doesn't have any room and tends to work weekends.

Hamiltoes Sun 08-Feb-15 19:57:49

And it was certainly normal in my childhood, I spent every saturday night with my gran and grandad and stayed with the other set probably twice a week, my mum worked certain nights monday to friday and got a break at the weekend.

Said grandparents would have my two every weekend if I let them grin

evelynj Sun 08-Feb-15 20:01:43

We now live 3 miles from my parents. We moved home from mainland uk to have more support, (took major life change-I've gone pt, from earning £35k to earning £7k & dh taken a paycut with further to travel to work). My parents look after baby 2 mornings & 1 full day a week when they also have ds after school that day while I work. They babysat on fri night while dh & I went to a localish gig-we were home by 11. That was the first time we'd be out together for years. I don't like to ask them to do evenings babysitting as they do so much for us already.

Some people think differently & would ask for the moon on a stick from gps.

<came on thread thinking it was about doctors btw ;)>

wigglesrock Sun 08-Feb-15 20:03:54

When I had my first child, my pils had her 2 mornings a week and my mum 1 when I went back to work. I tended not to use them as babysitters at night though because they did so much during the day. My kids are a bit older now and they stay occasionally with my parents overnight, a few times a year, although last year my parents took my older two away for a few nights.

We see my pils every 10 days or so, well my husband does and I see my parents a few times a week. They sometimes help pick the kids up from school, take them to their house for dinner, keep the younger ones while I take the oldest swimming etc. They do the same at the weekends for my sister. We all live within 10 mins of each other.

IthinkIneedmorewine Sun 08-Feb-15 20:03:59

PIL do childcare 2 days a week, plus bits and pieces at weekends whilst we do horses etc. will do pick ups if kids ill and we are in work. Usually have lunch with them an SIL plus nephews once a week. We all get on very well, and no personality issues!

My parents live further away, but wouldn't do much even if they were closer! I'm hugely grateful to PIL, but don't take it for granted. They do as much as they want, and would happily say no if they felt it was too much. We are very lucky...

Ruperta Sun 08-Feb-15 20:07:48

Well there you go, much more the norm than we expected. Maybe we should look to relocate!

I'll loosen my judgey pants a bit

HedgehogsDontBite Sun 08-Feb-15 20:14:06

When DD was a child she spend every Saturday night at my parents. My dad would pick her up from school a couple of times a week and take her and her cousin to help out on his allotment or fishing. She spent most of her school holidays with Grandad (I was a single working mum and she had no contact with her dad) and went on holiday with him and her nan 2 or 3 times a year.

Now I have DS but have emigrated so get no help at all. My dad passed away when I was pregnant, my mum is not in good health and can't travel and his paternal grandparents are lovely but away with the fairies.

GetSober Sun 08-Feb-15 20:16:15

My parents do nothing atm as they love hundreds of miles away - they'd do more if they lived closer.

My PIL are worth their weight in gold. They stay at our house one night a week and the following day, looking after our two DC (4 and 1) while me and DH are at work. This includes taking DC1 to and from pre school. I leave a light lunch for them all and obv don't expect PIL to do anything other than spend time with the DC or maybe pick up basic groceries if they're walking to the shops anyway, but we quite often get home to find they've swept the floors, put a wash on etc. They also have DC1 for weekend sleepovers every so often (DC2 is a bit young yet) and will cover my dentist appointments etc if they're available.

I count myself a very lucky DIL and try very hard not to take them for granted! They're lovely people, they really want to help and to be genuinely useful to us, especially when it comes to enabling me and DH to WOH. I only ask them for extra help when I feel I really need it; though lovely MIL has a broader definition of "need" than I do and always says "we'll be fine, don't hurry back, go and have a nice coffee and cake by yourself while you've got the chance". She's brill smile

GloriousGloria Sun 08-Feb-15 20:19:59

When DS was younger I got no help what so ever and I was 10 minutes away from both of them.

When DS was 9 I moved to the other side of the country and only then did someone step in to help. It wasn't grandparents though it was my auntie.
Also friends help now but DS is a teenager so obviously it's easier.
The saying goes it takes a village to raise a child and I think it is so true.

DisappointedOne Sun 08-Feb-15 20:25:48

My PIL are very similar with their other grandchildren. They have 2-5 of them (all under 3) every weekday, then 2 overnight on a Thursday and regularly 2-4 over a weekend so their parents can go out drinking.

They drive around 500 miles a week picking up and dropping off and do the food shopping for one son's family too!

It's fucking mental.

fadingfast Sun 08-Feb-15 20:27:27

My MiL lives 5 mins away (no FiL), but is very infirm with lots of health issues so we have to do lots to help her and she's not capable of looking after our two DCs. My DM (DF no longer with us sad) lives about an hour and a half away. She helps out a bit during some school hols but very rarely has them to hers overnight. She's very good with them and takes them out every so often, but I think she finds it hard work looking after both of them on her own.

I'm afraid I'm very envy of those who have willing and able sets of GPs who live nearby. I find it incredibly difficult to manage work and the school holidays and we (DH and I) get very little time to ourselves.

WipsGlitter Sun 08-Feb-15 20:28:35

My mum babysits fairly regularly. She will also do emergency childcare if they're sick (thank God!!).

FIL does nothing.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple Sun 08-Feb-15 20:28:51

I see grans looking deathly tired as they do so much of the childcare and I really feel for some of them. They should be enjoying themselves not being put upon.

I can't imagine DS staying out weekly or more frequently, like friends children do. We tend to do most things as a family though so rarely need a sitter.

DragonMamma Sun 08-Feb-15 20:29:46

All seems fairly normal to me OP.

My DM takes my 2DC to school twice a week and has them after school once. My eldest DC usually stays over once midweek on average.

She will also have them overnight as and when we have stuff planned and she also takes them on holiday and for weekends away with her husband

My DF and his wife are pretty crap but he would come and babysit for an evening if we were really stuck.

Both live within 5 miles. In laws live abroad.

catgirl1976 Sun 08-Feb-15 20:29:51

My DS (3) goes to my DPs at about 4pm on a Sunday. They take him swimming, then he has dinner, a walk and a bath.

He stays overnight, then they take him out for the day on Monday whilst I am at work (softplay, the park, the zoo or something). He stays overnight and they take him to nursery on Tuesday morning.

I pick him up Tuesday from nursery. He's then at nursery Wednesday, Thursday, at home with DH on Friday and with both of us all day Saturday and Sunday until DPs collect him.

It's brilliant. I can't thank them enough and I know I am very lucky to have them.

DS has a great time with them and it reduces my childcare costs.

They live about a 40 minute drive away, so collecting him or taking him to them on a Monday morning would be tricky, hence them taking him on Sunday. By the time they have had their day out on a Monday it's pretty much bedtime, so rather than him come home to go to bed and then go to nursery he stays again.

inlectorecumbit Sun 08-Feb-15 20:31:15

DH and 1 am GPS and live 170 miles away from DGD and DD1. We go up to stay every 2nd Tuesday evening to look after DGD while DD1 is at work on the Wednesday. We come home Wednesday evening grin. I am back at work on the Thursdays We often go back on a Friday evening until Sunday to spend time with the family or to babysit (this weekend). It's a lot of travelling but they are so worth it.

soverylucky Sun 08-Feb-15 20:31:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wanderingcloud Sun 08-Feb-15 20:32:00

We have no help from GPs; it's mostly due to distance but even on the extremely rare occasions we have asked for help with childcare we don't get any because it's too awkward to get to us. We have no choice but to pay out nearly half our total household income on childcare so we can both work full time and we don't get evenings off together or weekends. It's fine, we're a family and we enjoy being altogether but there is a part of me that rankles everytime I see SIL putting pics of lovely childfree evenings out and moaning about childcare costs when they only pay three days a week because my DPs do 2 days for them for free.

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