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AIBU?

Aibu to think its up to me to reprimand my child?

180 replies

PotatoLetters · 08/02/2015 11:18

I could well be U. DB generally annoys me so this may be colouring my view!

So yesterday DB and SIL came for lunch (they have no children, if that's relevant). My Ds1 is 2.9 and chatted away over lunch, trying to pass all of us pretend presents. DB said he didn't want any presents until ds1 had cleared his plate and later told him to stop talking and eat all his food. We weren't pushed for time and frankly it's not up to DB to chivvy my son anyway.

Later on, ds1 was watching tv and when the episode finished he said 'I want more Thomas!'. Immediately Db said very loudly and pointedly 'PLEASE'. He did this a few times.

Aibu to a) find this annoying and b) think DB should back off?

OP posts:

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CaptainAnkles · 08/02/2015 11:20

It's not his job to correct your child or try to teach him manners and it would annoy me too.

TywysogesGymraeg · 08/02/2015 11:22

I disagree. Bringing up kids should be a family affair.

RainbowFlutterby · 08/02/2015 11:23

Hmmmm. Tbh I do know one child who is so bad at mealtimes that I do step in if his mum isn't on the ball. I'm afraid I will also say "Please" with a raised eyebrow if a child demands something from me.

So I think yabu, may be your brother finds your child as irritating as you find your brother!

TywysogesGymraeg · 08/02/2015 11:23

And if you'd reprimanded your child yourself for being rude, your DB wouldn't have needed to.

Nomama · 08/02/2015 11:24

So much for 'it takes a village to raise a child'.

Whilst I think your DB was a bit of a killjoy, as you described him, I have no problem with any adult reprimanding any child. Why not? It is not the same as punishing, it is simply asking someone to stop doing something that is irritating.

Having been plagued by the incessant chatter, poking and tugging of many children I do reprimand them when they become irritating / their parent seems to ignore it, presumably because they are relieved said child has found another target for a while. Why wouldn't I?

dancestomyowntune · 08/02/2015 11:25

That would piss me off. I would tell him so too.

Fairenuff · 08/02/2015 11:25

It can be annoying having to play along with kids, especially at the dinner table. I think it was a good tactic to suggest he eat up first and play after.

Branleuse · 08/02/2015 11:26

yabu. It takes a village to raise a child

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2015 11:26

I've often said to my nieces and nephews, 'Ok less chat and more eating now' when they're talking excessively at the dinner table.

I've also often reminded them to say please and thank you.

My brothers and sisters have said the same to my kids and I genuinely can't see a problem

Fairenuff · 08/02/2015 11:27

Oh yes, I agree, if other people are reprimanding your child it is a bit of a sign that you should probably be stepping in a bit earlier yourself. Try to read other people's body language around your child so that you can see if they are getting annoying.

KindleFancy · 08/02/2015 11:27

Constant chatter over a meal (even by my own dc's) irritates me something rotten. I often tell my own dc's 'lovely, that's enough now though, focus on your dinner please'. I can't think of an example but I imagine I would say the same-Ish to other kids to.

As for the 'please' - I'd be grateful to another adult reminding mine, if they didn't say it. And I've definitely done it to other people's kids too.

So overall yabu.

PotatoLetters · 08/02/2015 11:27

I didnt have a chance to reprimand ds, db was straight in there. He doesn't see ds much either, if that's relevant to the family bringing up children.

I think he does find ds irritating, he's very much of the children should be seen and not heard school of thought! However I'm yet to see a preschooler who sits silently at the table for an hour!

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 08/02/2015 11:27

Your DB sounds a bit rude. Your DS is only 2.9 ffs!

Fairenuff · 08/02/2015 11:29

I wouldn't expect him to sit there for an hour OP, just to eat his food and then you could let him go and play.

RainbowFlutterby · 08/02/2015 11:32

You knew your child was going to be sat at a table for over an hour with someone who thinks children should be seen and not heard but gave him nothing to occupy himself? You were at home, so you could have let him get down to play with his toys?

FuckOffGroundhog · 08/02/2015 11:33

If someone asks me for something and doesn't say please, I will correct them.

But in this situation no, he wasn't correct. Children aren't there to be seen and not heard. you are the parent and he should have left it to you on all accounts.

You should have told him off for being rude.

PotatoLetters · 08/02/2015 11:34

Ds is happy to sit with us and chat. He was excited to see and talk to db. It's a bit sad that db wouldn't really engage. Maybe I'm disappointed that db doesn't really want to talk to my pfb and only really does so to criticise him.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2015 11:35

I think you're over reacting and taking something quite normal and simple, as a personal slight on your parenting.

It's not relevant that he doesn't have kids of his own and it's not relevant that he doesn't see him much either.

Your DB wanted to enjoy his dinner and it sounded as though the 'present giving' had gone on a little too long.

You don't need children of your own, to know that toddlers are taught to say please (I'm sure he knows you teach your toddler this), so he was just reinforcing that.

It's not something you should take personally at all.

DisappointedOne · 08/02/2015 11:35

Anybody telling my daughter to clear her plate would find themselves on the sharp end of my tongue.

IKnewYou · 08/02/2015 11:36

I'm a bit onthe fence with your OP.

Your DB doesn't sound too bad but he shouldn't really say anything. I add a polite please onto any kid who forgets. I'm sure I have for my nieces and nephews. I have also asked them to be quiet but I've done it very nicely.
Anything more I would leave to the parents.

As parents I think you get used to the level of noise from your own kids.

DisappointedOne · 08/02/2015 11:36

And if they did it in MY house they'd be asked to leave.

sticklebrickstickle · 08/02/2015 11:37

I don't mind family and close friends encouraging my DD with regards to polite/appropriate behaviour when they are interacting with her but i would hate it if they were stepping in over me, the dinner table thing would annoy me too.

Was your son asking your DB for more Thomas or you? If he was asking your DB then i think its fine, if a child asks me for something without saying please i always remind them to say please (even unknown children at softplay!) but if he was asking you your DB had no need to step in and that would annoy me too!

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PotatoLetters · 08/02/2015 11:37

He later asked to get down and was released. He just likes to talk between mouthfuls. Adults don't usually wolf food down in silence. Talking over dinner is important imho. Obviously ds1 wasn't doing anything as unreasonable as discussing religion or politics!

OP posts:

FuckOffGroundhog · 08/02/2015 11:37

I think it is relevant that he doesn't have children as people who haven't got kids do seem to have higher expectations of children.

Preciousbane · 08/02/2015 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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