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To think that people are often very taken in by people who think they're better than others?

(46 Posts)
dibbydooo Sun 08-Feb-15 00:17:29

I work with a woman who is very confident and loud, and who is always telling everyone else how good she is at her job and how brilliant she is. Part of my job is to produce a weekly performance analysis document for our boss (sales-based workplace), and actually this woman performs no better than anyone else. Yet the vast majority of staff put her on a pedestal as being the person they'd like to be like work performance-wise. There's lots of chatter about how good she is at her job, and she does tend to be very much a queen bee of the office. On Friday at work her chair broke and some other staff members were virtually falling over themselves to offer her their chairs and therefore be chair-less themselves.

It got me thinking too about a mum who I used to know when DD was a baby and young child via a toddler group. Like my colleague, this woman constantly told everyone how great she was. She also told everyone how expensive everything she bought was, how advanced her child was, how great her career was. And again was put on a pedestal as being the ultimate mum that the others all seemed to want to be. It got quite cringe-worthy at toddler group sessions listening to some of the others really sucking up to her and hanging on her every word. In reality, her child seemed no more advanced than children of a similar age, and the mum had a normal job as a part time nurse. I have no idea of whether she really did spend the amount she said on things though but everyone seemed to be taken in by this.

AIBU to think that people are often taken in by people who think they are better than others?

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 08-Feb-15 00:26:07

Yanbu. Some people have innate arrogance self confidence which others seem to often be in awe of or cowed by.

MagpieCursedTea Sun 08-Feb-15 00:26:38

YANBU, people are attracted by confidence. I know I'm guilty of it, if I think someone is amazing/talented/knows a lot, I'll be drawn to them. Some people are very good at projecting that image even if it's false. They get caught out in the end though I think.

NorwaySpruce Sun 08-Feb-15 00:29:50

I don't think it's being taken in as such, but confidence inspires confidence.

People find it attractive and reassuring.

Confident people are very approachable, so people new to a group gravitate towards them whilst finding their feet.

The nurse you describe sounds great, loves their career, is proud of their child, appreciates the things they have.

If you mean boastful, that's different, bit are you sure it isn't just your interpretation?

Confidence is a good thing, and its easy to see why confident people are popular.

dibbydooo Sun 08-Feb-15 00:33:05

It was years ago but the nurse was boastful, and also made put downs about others whilst bigging herself up.

MistressDeeCee Sun 08-Feb-15 03:44:27

Narcissists always cultivate a harem of followers for adoration purposes

Monkeygirl28 Sun 08-Feb-15 05:32:14

I knew a woman at work like this, it's interesting how projecting an image if success then becomes kind of true in people's minds..even though the reality is different, I am quite self deprecating/ truthful...which doesn't project z successful image even though I do ok work/money people overlook me....but I hate all the self promotion bollocks its so false

JoanHickson Sun 08-Feb-15 06:13:55

I agree with Mistress. You will find there are codependent issues with the followedrs.

LumpySpacedPrincess Sun 08-Feb-15 08:40:04

I know people like this, they are really good at putting other people down and spreading rumours and gossip. I think people suck up to them as they don't want to be excluded.

holeinmyheart Sun 08-Feb-15 09:16:01

If you look back to who was popular at school. It often wasn't the nicest people. It was people who didn't need others.
When you are full of confidence you don't need anyone to bolster yourself up.

It then appears to us less confidant humans that you have got something
that we haven't. Hence the attraction.

When I am with people who appear nervy and can't join in a conversation because they are self conscious and blushingly shy, it can rub off on me. Sitting around a room with a silent group of people can be awkward.

I like to be with people who are congruent, really. I feel sorry for people who are so anxious that they can't be them selves.

dibbydooo Sun 08-Feb-15 20:02:43

Very interesting point about the popular people at school, holeinmyheart.

One thing I have also noticed is that people who talk about themselves incessantly and tell the world every detail about their lives, are often perceived by others as being more important, and seem to have people hanging on their every word.

I have someone on my Facebook friends who is like this, and she seems to have hoardes of people thinking she's very important and on the edge of their seats for her latest life installment....

OfficerVanHalen Sun 08-Feb-15 20:08:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 08-Feb-15 20:11:58

It's funny how confidence and extroversion are seen as changeable and shyness and introversion are seen as innate. I would never tell a shy person to just talk more and stop being themselves but it seems fine to criticize people for being ebullient and confident.

If the people 'hanging on their word' are happy and they are happy, where's the issue? Unless you're jealous, in which case that's about you not them. If people are mean or nasty to other people, that's a problem. The confidence isn't.

LokiBear Sun 08-Feb-15 20:16:37

I dunno. I'm always telling my colleagues how brilliant I am but they just laugh at me. grin On a more serious note, I think people like that tend to surround themselves with people who are less confident in order to feel superior. It's a bit sad really.

Floggingmolly Sun 08-Feb-15 20:19:51

Most people tend to take you at your own valuation. It's amazing, really.

dibbydooo Sun 08-Feb-15 21:44:34

I find it fascinating how that happens, Floggingmolly

GatoradeMeBitch Mon 09-Feb-15 00:22:53

YANBU. I sometimes watch a vlogging family on YouTube. They are lazy neglectful parents, sometimes astonishingly so. But they are always talking about how hard they work and how devoted they are to their children (even when they send the toddler off to do her 'Mummy and Me' activities with a nanny while they sit around the house), and their fans just lap it up. Every time I read the comments there are dozens of people fawning over what 'perfect' parents they are, even though the evidence is blatantly to the contrary! I don't understand it, but I think it is to do with, as you say, just presenting themselves as awesome parents and having bulletproof self-confidence. People just eat it up.

Bumbiscuits Mon 09-Feb-15 00:39:53

I give you...the royal family. The whole country has fallen for them, hook, line & sinker, for fucking centuries.

BOFster Mon 09-Feb-15 00:49:20

When people overdo it, they get on most people's tits, of course.

But if you don't blow your own trumpet a bit, nobody else will. There's a balance.

GettingFiggyWithIt Mon 09-Feb-15 00:54:21

To quote Phone Shop: If I say I'm a Ting, I'm a Ting. You wiv me, bro?! grin

dibbydooo Mon 09-Feb-15 08:06:57

Gatorade I think I've seen that family's blogs too and I totally agree with you.

TheWordFactory Mon 09-Feb-15 08:59:05

Most people, especially women, lack self confidence.

Those that have it, attract the attention of others. Couple it with charisma and it's a winning formula.

thehumanjam Mon 09-Feb-15 09:08:57

Who are the family Gatorade? I would like to have a look.

There is a woman I was at school with who has an army of followers on facebook who quite simply adore her and a few of them are so far up her arse it's sickening. She doesn't annoy me (much) because she isn't really doing anything wrong but it's her simpering fans that bug me. Why are people like that?

I often find that I don't tend to like or have that much in common with the Queen Bee types who everyone puts on a pedestal. Then I wonder to myself what does that say about me? Am I odd because I don't see how wonderful they are? confused

dibbydooo Mon 09-Feb-15 11:12:26

The humanjam, I'm the same as you and often cannot see the appeal of queen bee types. And then I too wonder if there is something wrong with me for feeling that way

angelos02 Mon 09-Feb-15 12:26:48

People are attracted to those that are confident and attractive. IME anyway. I agree with the poster that says people are attracted to those that don't appear to need anyone. I work with someone very needy and it is off-putting.

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