re ruined Ugg boots

[gemandjule]

Background; dd1 is 16, dd2 is 14. They usually get on very well. They are much the same clothes and shoe size and so have decided themselves to share their clothes as this doubles both their available wardrobe. The deal is they have to check with the actual owner of the item before they borrow it.

So DD2 got Uggs for Christmas last year, 14 months ago now. DD1 had an old pair of Uggs which wore out and so she threw them out. As Uggs are dear they can only get them for either Christmas or birthday present and DD1 did not want to "waste" her Christmas present on new Uggs.

This winter DD2 agreed to share the Uggs with her. This worked fine for a few months but today DD2 had a meltdown. Apparently DD1 has worn the Uggs on a number of occasions with thick fluffy socks inside them so now they are stretched and no longer fit DD2.

DD1 says this was unintentional and therefore she is not responsible for the damage. I think she should have taken more care with a valuable item she had borrowed and needs to make a contribution towards a new pair for DD2. Not the full price obviously as she would never save this up, the boots are 14 months old anyway and she didn't intentionally ruin them, but maybe £50. She gets £20/week pocket money and has to pay for her social life from this, but not clothes, shoes etc unless she wants something she really doesn't need and so has to save up. So to save up £50 will make a difference to her.

My DH just wants to buy new Uggs for DD2 and forget about it. We can afford them but never normally buy expensive luxury items for them except at birthday/christmas.

Whose right here??

[FarFromAnyRoad]

Nobody is right. Everyone has their point of view to which they are absolutely entitled. My own is that life is short and unpredictable. Just buy the bloody boots. If you find yourself on your death bed in the next week I doubt your last wish would be that you didn't buy those blasted Ugg boots. Just buy them.

[OnceUponATimeAgain]

Dd needs to contribute toreplacement or will think it's okay to ruin other people's stuff

[LittleBairn]

DD1 should pay for replacements. She's owned a pair of uggs before so I find it hard to believe she didn't know the damage she was doing.
I would see if its possible to sell the uggs on ebay, adding that they are stretched, and add that to the cost.

If your DH buys DD2 new uggs I'm betting DD1 would end up with the old pair. That would be unfair on DD2 after all DD1 didn't dent her Christmas allowance on uggs but still managed to gain a pair.

[Nomama]

They need to use this as the start of a new agreement based on the reality that they may occasionally, accidentally ruin the shared clothes.

Sit them down and let them work out what is reasonable, write it up, make a contract.

As for the boots, maybe do replace them - as a joint pair of boots - and let them know that this is a one off, goodwill gesture, everything from here on in is down to them!

[ToffeeCaramel]

I think wearing thick socks is not the same as recklessly damaging them. It was an accident. Maybe her feet are slightly bigger too. Maybe they should stop sharing shoes and shares clothes only. I'd buy new boots on the condition they don't share shoes any more

[MissWimpyDimple]

If they are otherwise in good condition, buy a new pair of sheepskin insoles, it really makes a difference and will make them snug again!

But DD1 should have to pay for them! They aren't much, £20 max

[CaroleService]

You could buy new boots for DD2, and DD1 could inherit the others as a major part of her birthday present.

[LIZS]

Isn't that the risk with sharing footwear? It was an accident but maybe she has worn them more often than anticipated.

[Eva50]

I don't think the damage was deliberate. I would do as your dh suggests then they have a pair each and you can forget about it.

[CitySnicker]

Do teenagers get £20 pocket money per week? Wow. Probably about right given inflation, since my day...but it seems so much! Off for a Horlicks and a nice sit down.

[gemandjule]

I never suggested they share footwear, brokenhearted, that was entirely their own idea, but to be honest I don't see much wrong with siblings sharing footwear. They each have different colour vans, converse etc and it suits them really well to share!
From what I seen over the years girls this age swop outfits for going out all the time, including heels. It's not what I do but they are teens and I can't see it doing any great harm. Certainly on a "pick your battles" page of parenting teens, it's not a battle worth fighting for me.

[ILovedYouYesterday]

It was an accident. They sound like nice girls who don't go around being careless with each other's things on purpose. Buy DD2 a new pair and let DD1 keep the old ones.

If there was a history of this kind of thing it would be different.

[Marshy]

Sharing a valued item has the potential for difficulties and probably wasn't a great idea.

If you can afford it, I would probably buy a new pair for dd2, let dd1 have the ones she has stretched and review the sharing policy. Life's too short to sweat this.

[FarelyKnuts]

Why not tell them to work it out between them? They made the decision to share, they decide how to fix it

[OutragedFromLeeds]

If their feet are the same size can't DD2 just wear the boots with thicker socks? Then they'd fit her too.

I don't think wearing Ugg boots with thick socks would stretch them out to the point where they don't fit tbh. They've stretched because they're 14 months old. I don't think it's DD1's fault, unless she was wearing 5 pairs of majorly thick socks?

[PrimalLass]

Just wash them and they will shrink back down. I've washed mine quite a few times. I did buy sheepskin shampoo but woolite would do the job. Google it.

[ToffeeCaramel]

I would buy dd2 new ones and give dd1 the old ones. If you think dd2 would be offended by dd1 getting old ones for free (despite getting lovely brand new ones for free) you could always charge dd1 the going rate for 14 month old stretched uggs if bought on ebay.

[ToffeeCaramel]

Actually, scrap that. The brand new ones should compensate for dd1 getting the old ones. It's good that they normally get on and share well.

[DeliciousMonster]

I'd leave them to it to sort out a solution. One that didn't cost me anything.

[TidyDancer]

Yes, I would let them sort it out themselves.

Alternatively congratulate them both that in having destroyed a pair neither of them will have to wear such ugly and awful footwear again.

[gemandjule]

Thanks for the opinions. It's good to see there's a split of opinion, it's not me inventing a dilemma!
I think the point that is winning out for me at the moment are that they are good kids who generally get on well so maybe I should cut them a break.
I do tend to tie myself in knots making sure I'm being fair to everyone.
Also have 2 older DS, 18 and 20 so am very wary of setting precedents!
Last year DS2 borrowed DD1's bike and left it at a friends house. It has never been seen since, I presume it was taken from outside the house. He had to pay towards a replacement for her. Again it was a mistake but he was responsible for the bike and I hate the idea that just because we can afford to replace expensive things, within reason, they don't have to take care of them.

[NeedABumChange]

I think the 16 yr old should get a weekend job to pay for stuff. Also 14 month old uggs-can't really see them stretching suddenly because of thick socks? Surfing the sheepskin has just flattened a bit?

Give the oldones to dd1. Take £50 pocket money from her and maybe a tenner from dd2 and buy dd2 new ones. Tenner as she is getting new ones compared to old ones and it's sort of her fault for sharing shoes with someone with bigger feet.