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To think this Brown Owl is plain rude?

(107 Posts)
itchybumagain Wed 04-Feb-15 19:14:17

My DD is a Brownie and she loves it.

She's only recently done her promise, so is working towards badges.

They are doing their 'friend to animals' badge and we were told they had to bring some pet food as a donation to local charity.

BO also said if they didn't provide the food they couldn't do the badge (I think this is wrong?)

So my DD takes £2.50 worth of food today, we were first to arrive so not busy. DD hands it over, made up look on her face, BO doesn't look at either of us ticks name of list and turns her back on us.

No thank you, nothing, DD looked so let down as she chose it herself hence the £2.50!

Plus I think it's unfair to put conditions of donations for them to get the badge, what if someone can't afford it?

I've bit my tongue but itching to say something angry

DuchessofBuffonia Wed 04-Feb-15 19:20:40

I'm a guide leader, but I've just looked up the syllabus for that badge ( www.girlguiding.org.uk/brownies/badges/friendtoanimals.asp here) and it doesn't seem to be a compulsory element to achieve it.

BackforGood Wed 04-Feb-15 19:20:56

Difficult to say, without being there.
tbh, if I were half way through adding up a colomn of figures, or had a number in my head I needed to write down before I forgot it, etc.,etc., I might need to hang on for a bit before I could break off to talk to someone.

Did you get a note/ text / e-mail about the "having" to bring in some food, or was this your dd's interpretation?

itchybumagain Wed 04-Feb-15 19:24:37

I got an email so it's in black and white, sent at 11.30 at night!

She actually said without the donation they wouldn't get the badge shock.

DuchessofBuffonia Wed 04-Feb-15 19:30:42

It could be that they are using the donation for a dual purpose as we are meant to include community service / charity as part of the programme. However, there are other ways of achieving this.

I hope that during the meeting she said thanks to those who had brought their donations in. I know I can be distracted at the start of meetings as my guides often rush at me to hand me forms / subs / show me badge work / new hair cut / arm in plastercast etc. so I can't always respond to each and every one at that moment. I do normally manage to say thanks though.

Shil0846 Wed 04-Feb-15 19:31:08

I'm sorry but I think YABU and a bit precious. You can get a packet of cat food for 25 pence, so it's unlikely to be outside anyone's budget at Brownies. I agree that it's general good manners to say thank you when someone hands you something, but it's not as though your daughter had made something herself so no need for a special fuss to be made.

Heels99 Wed 04-Feb-15 19:37:44

I find our brown owl lovely but remember they are volunteers giving up their own time, who knows what has gone on today's for this owl, sending emails at 11.30 does suggest she is very busy tryin to fit everything in.
At start of meeting there is usually all sorts comin and going andadmin etc I would think brown owl would discus the badge and pet food later in the meeting. G also don't think there is anything wrong in donating pet food to animal shelter for a brownie badge. Its a nice thing to do.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 04-Feb-15 19:40:04

No YNBU. I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue.
Also fancy saying to little children. You have to bring food or you can't get a badge. Is it the child's fault if their parents don't provide the food. Do they expect 7 year olds to go shopping by themselves, and the fact that she completely ignored your dd well don't even get me started on that!. I'd have told her to stick her badge where the sun don't shine, but then it's your dd you're hurting, isn't it.
I never sent my dd to brownies. I remember from when I was little. It was full of cliques and are missing parents whose kids were favored. A bit like school, but you have to go there.
I was appallingly shy as a child and not a great mixer. I remember one time as clear as day. I was too nervous to partipate in an activity and the brown owl just said "Leave her to sulk, in the corner!. I eventually tried to pluck up the courage to join in and I got a " Oh got out your mood,now have you. I was 7 years old. Just a baby ffs. If that was now some would call it emotional abuse If I worked with children and saw a shy child I'd have taken them under my wing!. Sorry for the life story

jay55 Wed 04-Feb-15 19:40:24

Imagine the leaders will know if anyone in the pack is genuinely unable to afford it and work something out.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 04-Feb-15 19:42:14

Are kissing not are missing. Freeeking auto correct

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 04-Feb-15 19:42:53

Arse kissing.

bamboostalks Wed 04-Feb-15 19:46:09

They are a volunteer emailing at 11.30 at night. Surely that's your answer. Yabu. Honestly the complaint culture is becoming ridiculous in this country. You're complaining because your dd didn't have enough fuss made of her. Seriously? Badges can be interpreted in a variety of ways. This may be easiest way for her to do it based on her experience. There are packs closing all over the country because of no volunteers and who can blame them with people scrutinising their every move.

LadyLuck10 Wed 04-Feb-15 19:48:24

Honestly you do need to get over yourself. Your dd was so 'let down' over this? Very precious behaviour.

stayathomegardener Wed 04-Feb-15 19:49:07

When I attempted my cookery badge as a Brownie I was told to bring a cake in. Spent ages making a lemon sponge only for it to be eaten at the next meeting and be told Oh that was just a practice,bring the real one in next week.
That still annoys me 40 years later,didn't last long as a Brownie after that.
I would see the taking pet food in as equally pointless unless it was explained.

itchybumagain Wed 04-Feb-15 20:03:03

Just to clarify I wasn't expecting a 'fuss made of her' just a simple thank you!

It's not difficult to thank someone is it.

bamboostalks Wed 04-Feb-15 20:08:40

Of course a thank you never goes amiss but honestly if you knew what goes on you might just be more forgiving. She's probably standing there scraping together a risk assessment, a request from the hall that she attends a health and safety briefing, working out when she'll do her first aid training etc etc.

TooHasty Wed 04-Feb-15 20:10:22

Do you think Brown owl is going to eat it? No, it is for the animal shelter and I pet poor old brown owl is going to have to hump the 2o odd donations into her car and trek over there when she has finished entertaining your DD for an hour and a half.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 04-Feb-15 20:11:49

Y.Y. Itchy. A thank you costs nothing!. Let's twist the situation round a minute. You start a thread saying AIBU not to make my dd say thank you. Imagine the grief you'd get, about teaching her manners, but yet it's okay for adults to have no manners to children. Makes me mad.
Some very rude comments on here.

RainbowFlutterby Wed 04-Feb-15 20:14:38

Volunteers or not, basic manners should not be beyond the capabilities of a Brown Owl. If it's too much trouble or she's got too much going on in her life she should resign.

TooHasty Wed 04-Feb-15 20:20:31

Why should the BO be thanking this kid, they are not buying the food for her,she is not the beneficiary?

MissDuke Wed 04-Feb-15 20:21:09

Your dd brought the food to get a badge, and hopefully to give a charitable donation. I don't understand what the brown owl was meant to thank her for?

Do you and your dd thank her each week for all the effort she puts in? Did you thank her for the email?

snowglobemouse Wed 04-Feb-15 20:29:49

YABU and precious. would you make a better brown owl? perhaps you could volunteer

SunshineAndShadows Wed 04-Feb-15 20:33:27

The BO could have said thank you, and yes she is a volunteer and likely very busy. You seem to imply that she's sending emails late at night just to inconvenience you. Unlikely.

The pet food donation is not entirely an altruistic gesture is it. Your daughter selected the food because she wanted to complete the task to get a badge. Does she deserve thanks for this? Perhaps if you'd humped the food to the animal shelter, you'd have got a thank you direct from them but I' not sure why your voluntary BO should be grateful your daughter has completed a task?

madwomanbackintheattic Wed 04-Feb-15 21:03:37

How many kids in the group itchy? 20? 30?

I imagine she was trying to prep for opening, make sure the circles were getting ready, someone had got the damned owl and toadstool out, ticking off donations (although frankly I wouldn't have bothered - I'd have left a box by the door and asked the kids to put the stuff in it themselves - I'm aware this wouldn't have met your required standards of gratefulness), watching the three kids lurking at the back of the hall who were definitely up to something, but she didn't know what, answering ten other questions about pack holiday/ are we meeting at half term/ sarah isn't coming tonight as she fell off the bars at school etc etc etc.

G'wan, volunteer yourself. You could do it so much better, really.

I bet once opening was done and everyone was sitting in a nice circle listening, Brown Owl talked about the donations and said that the shelter would be very pleased. And then went on with the other million things she had planned for the meeting, in the hours before she went 'oh fuck, i'dbetter send that Damned email or no one will turn up with anything again!'

Whoever made the point that the joyous brown owl would be lugging the donations to the centre in her own time was dead right. It reminded me of the reduce reuse recycle night we run once a year with clothing. The girls get to clear out their closets for a clothing swap and bring them in. They all then try on each other's stuff, decide if they want to keep any of it, and then the leftovers get taken to a shelter (by me, natch. The nearest one is a 3 hour round trip). This year, one of the dads dropping off said 'oh, I have another six bags at home that we need to get rid of, could I bring them later and you can drop them off with this lot?'

It would have been so much nicer if he had actually thought, and said 'we have some stuff at home to take, would you like us to pick up the leftover bags at the end of the meeting and drop them off for you?'

Anyhoo, I declined his gracious offer of increasing my voluntary workload.

It's interesting though - I'm sure in his eyes he thought 'oh, I'm donating MORE so it's good for the shelter', not 'blimey, mad'll never have room for this in her car and will have to make TWO three hour round trips'.

Not even a badge at stake for that one.

I'm not a fan of parents being able to buy badges for a donation anyway, tbh. Usually we tie donations in to community service, but if for example we have organised a trip somewhere or have a speaker in from a particular group, we do ask for something. Usually this means I get to buy extra donations out of my own pocket, as it is mortifying to have three cans of beans for the food bank becasue 17 girls brought nothing, or a single toothbrush for the women's shelter because everyone forgot to bring new unused toiletries.

She just sounds proper busy, tbh. Probably got a ft job and three kids, and still awesome enough to volunteer her time to benefit both a brownie pack AND an animal shelter grin

Scotinoz Wed 04-Feb-15 21:49:48

I used to be a Brown Owl, and think you're probably being a bit unreasonable.

I sent emails for Brownies at ungodly hours - I had an actual job/life too so Brownie admin fitted in when it could. Sadly 11pm or 6am was when I got time to do things like that.

At the start of meetings I was trying to do 50 things while getting asked questions etc. I'd have probably managed a thanks and a smile, but maybe not. Reality is, all the kids tried to give you stuff at the start - subs, forms etc when we did actually have a specific time for that.

We knew in our group who could and could not afford things, no kid missed out. I'm pretty sure I'd asked kids to bring in a donation as part of one of their badges. I knew who couldn't afford to and their donation came out my pocket/brownie funds - same went for outings etc.

It's volunteers who run brownies and it's not always easy.

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