NC as I've never posted about family stuff in this detail before...
I'm going into hospital shortly to have DC2. MIL coming to look after DD & my DM arriving the next day to help me out in the hospital & relieve DH so he can go home to see DD & rest.
I had hoped FIL would be left behind, but he is coming too. He is not in great health and the unspoken rule seems to be that he can't be expected to fend for himself for 2 or 3 nights without MIL. (Neighbours would be happy to pop in on him & check he's ok, but he doesn't really cook so doesn't ever get left to his own devices).
He is not in great physical shape, it's true, so I don't expect him to be down on his hands and knees playing with DD, but he makes no effort to engage with her in other ways - reading a book together, a jigsaw, talking about her toys, anything really. It makes me so sad.
His routine consists of sitting around doing crosswords or doing any little chores MIL needs doing, until it gets to nearly 5pm and then he can start drinking. He then drinks steadily until he goes to bed around 11. He usually has a drink or two at lunchtime too if he is able to. And yes, I think his less than perfect health is linked to his drinking, although not the only factor, he does have an underlying condition.
I don't have any concerns about DD's safety, MIL is great and they will have loads of fun together, and FIL's drinking does not lead to any unpleasant behaviour, just him drinking himself into a stupor.
What I resent is:
- I will be recovering from childbirth, DH and MIL will be running around like crazy looking after me, DD and DC2 while he just sits there and drinks. Nothing, not even the birth of a new GC, is allowed to disrupt his evening routine.
- DD will be exposed to that level of drinking in her own home when I'm not there and there's nothing I can do about it. She does see it when we go to PiLs house, but we can always take her out for the day or whatever to escape from it. I hate that it's going to happen in our house and I can't do anything about it.
No solutions here really, I just needed to vent! I know DH feels similar to me but when we have so much to deal with in the next few days I can't really complain to him. Apparently FIL was always a hands-off dad anyway, and now as he's physically not so capable he's even more withdrawn from his GCs than he was as a dad.