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AIBU?

To ask you to talk me out of having another baby

52 replies

CountryMummy1 · 04/02/2015 10:07

DH and I have 2 children. Very difficult road to get there with infertility and 6 miscarriages. We know we are very lucky to have 2 healthy children and agreed that we would count our blessings and stop.

However....my sister has just announced her pregnancy and I have had a desperate feeling of sadness that I'll never be pregnant again. It's completely barmy as I had severe hyperemesis throughout both pregnancies and was in and out of hospital on strong medication. With my last pregnancy I had awful SPD to the point I was on crutches and I know it would be worse next time. Both labours were difficult, babies got stuck, heart rates dropped and they were both pulled out with last ditch attempt forceps just before they were going to do a CS. It was all very scary.

Both babies had milk intolerance and severe reflux to the point of hospitalisation and me almost crazy with sleep deprivation and PND.

My DDS is just 3 now and a delight. She's so easy. My DS is harder work but Still fairly easy at 11 months. Both sleep through and still nap. I am just starting to think about getting a life for me back.

We have saved carefully over the years to afford to send them both to private school and for me to be a SAHM. This would all have to change with a 3rd.

Yet...I feel the urge. Tell me I'm barmy please!!!!!

OP posts:

Report

Davsmum · 04/02/2015 10:12

You are not barmy!..It is a natural feeling but you have to stop at some point so you may just have to get over it. If you had another - you may well get the feeling again in a few years.
Look at it like a craving you have to get over. Accept the feeling but think of the reasons why you decided two was enough.
It does pass eventually!

Sickoffrozen · 04/02/2015 10:13

You are barmy......

CountryMummy1 · 04/02/2015 10:15

Thanks for that. I know you're right, I have to come to terms with it. I think it just feels odd to stop trying when it's all we have been focused on for 6 years.

OP posts:

Elisheva · 04/02/2015 10:16

It's a natural desire and one you're going to have to come to terms with because even if you have another you'll feel the same way again. I say that looking at dc3 who is nearly one and I've just been wondering if I could have just one more...!

Writerwannabe83 · 04/02/2015 10:16

When my friend told me last week that she was pregnant I felt jealous and although I was smiling on the outside I felt such sadness on the inside that I would probably never be pregnant again. I kept thinking about the wonderful aspect of my pregnancy, POAS, the scans, the unbelievable excitement I felt the morning I knew I was going to have him (ELCS) and I felt so low and upset that it was never going to happen again for me. I kept thinking about it for a few days actually and when I told my DH that my friend was pregnancy it made me feel sad all over again.

However, I saw her again yesterday and we obviously got chatting about the pregnancy and I didn't feel or upset or jealous at all, just genuinely happy for her.

Maybe the hearing of the news has made you feel nostalgic and want what she has but give it a while and hopefully the feeling will pass.

CountryMummy1 · 04/02/2015 21:01

I think that might be it. I'll see how I feel in a few days

OP posts:

Flomple · 04/02/2015 21:11

You're biologically programmed to want more children, that's how the human race survives. It's hormones, and if you had another baby you'd probably get broody again in another couple of years. You have to stop sometime and deal with the broodiness... why not do it now, smell the roses, send your 2 to private school.

Or at least this is what I tell myself (minus the private school thing).

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 04/02/2015 21:13

Honestly, I have three kids. Love 'em to pieces, but stop at two...

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 04/02/2015 21:15

Oh you don't need private school. Have another one.

nottheOP · 04/02/2015 21:20

You'd need to buy a proper mum car with space for 3 seats
You're outnumbered in the kid: parent ratio
Money!
Family tickets are 2&2
You'd have to get pregnant, be pregnant, give birth & have a new born who might not sleep through til they're 5
You'd need to agree a name

Smoorikins · 04/02/2015 21:26

Just remember. They become teenagers.

TravellingToad · 04/02/2015 21:27

I'm in the exact same boat as you. 2.5yr old and 12m old. saved money, private school etc etc. Broody as hell BUT don't actually want a 3rd child.

I agree with someone up thread who said the same thing will happen when your 3rd baby got to this age. We are biologically programmed. It's not rational. It's hormones.

Be strong, and enjoy your 2 children and the lifestyle you will have as a family of 4!

Edenviolet · 04/02/2015 21:29

I have four dcs and am insanely broody for just one more. It would be madness if I had another but the feeling just won't go away. I thought it would lessen over time but its just getting stronger.

If I were you OP I would probably have another!

sockmatcher · 04/02/2015 21:33

You will never regret another. You may regret not having another.

ninetynineonehundred · 04/02/2015 21:34

There's another thread running about the most disgusting things your children have done to you. Give that a read and see if you feel the same

If you want another then go for it of course. Could it be that you are just struggling with losing the baby years?

I can sympathise having had to try for many years too and having to find a new focus. It's not easy.

Froggio · 04/02/2015 21:36

Have you mentioned this to your DH? You are not barmy, there's no rhyme or reason to these feelings. Funnily enough I have similar history to you, although I didn't have fertility problems. My 2 kids are older now, I have just started a good career, life is good and in order, I've had previous miscarriages, one of them getting complicated with me needing a blood transfusion, births complicated like yours, one ending in CS, yet I find myself wanting another baby. Put it to DH and he feels the same. But I don't know if this is absolute madness. I feel your pain, I really do.

emsyj · 04/02/2015 21:39

Watching this with interest - DD2 is 2yo tomorrow and I am feeling 'the urge' very strongly, despite having decided I would only have 2. Having a baby in the next 18 months is absolutely not an option from a work perspective (mid way through retraining, couldn't contemplate finishing the training with 3 DCs and have already had one mat leave break) - but I do worry about regretting it one day if i don't have more.

Sorry OP, I'm in the same boat as you! Life would be easier if we stopped at 2 - in lots of ways - but I can't help wanting to do it all again...

sosix · 04/02/2015 21:39

You have to stop at some point. You could have 10 more and still be broody. Your post is littered withmany reasons not to have more. Enjoy the two you have!

sosix · 04/02/2015 21:41

Btw I have 4, stop at 2.

calmexterior · 04/02/2015 21:45

I love having three..... Feels right. It's a magic number!
Sorry not much help....

TwitterWooooo · 04/02/2015 21:56

1-
Give me your phone number and I will phone you up every 2 hours day and NIGHT!!!!
2-
Ask you dp to kick you up the arse repeatedly until it hurts to sit down
Please feel free to add our own.
Seriously. Sorry for your losses and warm wishes for whatever you decide

Aussiemum78 · 04/02/2015 22:25

I've been forced to get over my broodiness. I wanted 3, got 1.

I'd welcome another baby, but I try to count my other blessings. Overseas holidays, private school, part time work, large home, ability to be spontaneous, less housework.

Dd wishes she had a sibling too but I can't help that.

Is not trying, but not preventing an option? If it happens, it happens. I do this and even though it's unlikely to happen, I would be ok if it did.

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CountryMummy1 · 04/02/2015 23:01

I could try the 'not trying, no preventing' thing but I would have to make the conscious decision to have my implant taken out. Also, we have only got pregnant with a turkey baster when we have been too knackered to DTD anymore (strange but true) so I would be unlikely to conceive naturally.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 04/02/2015 23:06

I thought you were gonna say your youngest was 8 or summat!

You are completely nuts to be feeling broody when you already have a bloody baby. Enjoy the ones you've got

Purplepoodle · 04/02/2015 23:28

I had 3 under 5 (still have 2 under 5), only thing I'd say 2 to 3 is a huge change and one iv found very challenging. I do feel I was selfish going for a 3rd and havnt been able to give my older dc the attention they deserve.

You sound like you have had incredibly tough pregnancies and a hard time after this would be doubled with two small people to look after.

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