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to be fed up with this

(15 Posts)
cartdor Tue 03-Feb-15 17:54:32

Long back story. Fil is a huge bully and not a very nice person.
Bil is very self centred and everything is about him. Bil and sil do not have children, I have 3.

They have never been very supportive of me. When I had PND with my ds I was told I should get on with it and "it's all about me".
When I had dc2 the whole family decended on us two days after he was born for a meal. When I said could we please just have a takeaway, I was told that this was not acceptable to Bil as he had been working away and wanted a cooked meal. Dh cooked the meal but nobody helped and we had ds 2 and a new baby.
I had to have quite major surgery a few years ago and not one of them visited or helped out. My mum had to stay for 3 weeks as I was totally incapacitated. During this time bil was very rude to her and my dad phoned him and tore him off a strip.
A few months after it was a significant birthday for me and bil and sil booked a weekend away so they didn't have to go for a birthday meal as my dad would have been there and he had upset bil.
I have to have another operation and fil said that he didn't think this was necessary and he surgeon is just doing it to earn money! ( we are going private). I never get any sympathy or support from them.
We have been invited to a wedding, sil sister (2nd wedding). It is quiet at away and evolves overnight stay. I don't want to go but have been told we must as we must not upset sil. Sil is perfect in fil eyes.
I guess im so fed up of being treated like shite ( apparently I'm a drama queen). I feel like telling them to stick it.

confusedandemployed Tue 03-Feb-15 17:57:04

Why don't you? They clearly have no qualms about giving it to you straight, I would be giving as good as I'm getting.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 03-Feb-15 17:58:28

Tell them to stick it, you're under no obligation to see them or speak to them.

If your dh wants to see them , fine he can see them.

They all sound like utter twats so leave them to be arses and you'll find yourself happier I'm sure.

Is your dh intimidated by them by any chance?

rinabean Tue 03-Feb-15 18:00:44

"When I said could we please just have a takeaway, I was told that this was not acceptable to Bil as he had been working away and wanted a cooked meal."

That is when I would have thrown them out and rung the police if they didn't leave

They are evil people and I would not have anything to do with them. I can't believe they managed to pull your mum into it too?! They're just plain nasty

They deserve more than to feel a little upset. Don't go! YANBU in the slightest. I guess your DH wants to go? Ugh. He needs to learn they won't change but it's hard to accept. That doesn't mean you need to go though.

WorraLiberty Tue 03-Feb-15 18:04:47

I'm sorry but you and your DH need to grow a spine and stop allowing these people to pull your strings.

You're grown ups with a family of your own, surely you don't want your kids to think this is normal?

littleleftie Tue 03-Feb-15 18:05:21

I don't want to go but have been told we must as we must not upset sil.

Who told you this? If it was FIL/BIL then just do not go. DH can go if he wants obviously.

If it was DH who said this then you have a DH problem not an ILS problem.

Tell DH it is about time he stuck up for you - what has he had to say about their poor treatment of you over the years? Something pathetic along the lines of "You know what they're like, there's no point."

You area big girl now and you do not have to go anywhere you do not want to go.

expatinscotland Tue 03-Feb-15 18:11:00

Why is your husband such a wet lettuce with these people? You've been told you have to do? It's not a court summons. I'd ditch any man who let his family treat me like shit. And have no qualms about telling them to go fuck themselves.

cartdor Tue 03-Feb-15 18:15:55

Yes my dh is intimidated by them. He just says ignore fil 'you know what he's like' . He wants us to go, so not to start an argument

He has grown up being bullied by fil. Fil used to be physically violent towards mil. However, she has joined in with the drama queen comments

expatinscotland Tue 03-Feb-15 18:19:52

Well then you tell him either he shapes up and stands up to the FIL or you're done because it is unacceptable for your children to see this and think it's okay.

He can go alone. Every time they laid into me I would tell them to go fuck themselves.

Yes, I really would.

'Don't speak to me like that.' He got threatening and violent I would record him on the phone and call the police.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

cartdor Tue 03-Feb-15 20:05:06

Fil isn't violent anymore, too old! The thing is although bil is an arse, he is good with the kids. I think it would hurt them if I cut him out.

cartdor Tue 03-Feb-15 20:06:58

Dh didn't even pull fil up when he told my dd (10) that she was getting podgy!

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 03-Feb-15 20:11:21

Be cruel to be kind.

BiL is a twat to you, being 'good' with the kids means fuck all in the scheme of things.

I suspect nothing will change, you just want a rant.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 03-Feb-15 20:13:06

Get angry and stand up for your children , who else will?

minginjean Tue 03-Feb-15 20:34:56

Your DH should have stood up to them over the baby visit issue, his home, his balls.
You both need to chat about how to approach this as a united front, say no, be clear and do not let yourself be intimidated.

cartdor Tue 03-Feb-15 20:41:11

Do you know what, I have been putting up with this for years. I do think I have reached breaking point.
I am so upset that they have such little regard for me.
I just hate confrontation and I know it will be a case of me being a drama queen. Bil is arsey with dh too. He just thinks everything should revolve around him.
Ha,he even said that when fil& mil pass away, as the eldest child 'he should be in charge of the family money'.

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