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Comments about other women

(15 Posts)
OvenMitts Tue 03-Feb-15 16:34:33

Mumsnet jury - I'd appreciate your vote on this one. Essentially this only seems to annoy me whilst I am on my period, so I was wondering if it's just hormones!
A bit of context - been with my fiance three years, love him to bits, both very laid back and never argue. He tells me that I'm beautiful and that he adores me all the time, is all over me when we go out and no one including myself is in any doubt about how besotted he is with me and I with him.
That's the good - now the niggle!! Despite being 31 sometimes he acts like a teenager. If a girl with big boobs come on the TV he will say boobs, or make some comment about them. Watching some girl with a tattoo on her hip the other day he immediately said 'she's shaved her pubes.' And today we popped into work and two of my team came downstairs. Later he asked who the they were and that the younger one was fit and that another friend of ours would like her.
However he never ogles women when we are out, if he hadn't said she was 'fit' later I wouldn't have even known that he had noticed her.
I know all men look, so maybe I should be grateful he feels so secure with me he can comment.
AIBU that the fit comment annoyed me today?! Thank you!

UsuallyLurking1 Tue 03-Feb-15 16:38:15

Maybe YABU about the colleague comment, he might just be playing Cupid for your friend and my wife and I both comment on each other's colleagues, male and female, and i don't think it causes either of us issues!

The 'boobs' and 'shaved pubes' comments are a bit weird though. And that's coming from a bloke who's more than a bit of a man child

FreudiansSlipper Tue 03-Feb-15 16:39:04


He is immature and objectifying women why should that be acceptable

UsuallyLurking1 Tue 03-Feb-15 16:40:15

By the way, you are right to take some security from this IMO. I wouldn't comment if my wife had anything to worry about

Fudgeface123 Tue 03-Feb-15 16:40:45

I'd be more put out with him pointing out that a friend / colleague was fit! Fair enough let him think it but I wouldn't want him expressing that to me.

LadyLuck10 Tue 03-Feb-15 16:45:55

Yanbu he sound like a huge put off. Fair enough that he notices other women but to constantly makes comments confused

FoxgloveFairy Tue 03-Feb-15 16:46:03

I think it's unrealistic to think he doesn't notice other women. I. Think everyone notices attractive people of the opposite sex (or same sex, if so inclined, of course! ) It doesn't mean that people act on it, or plan to act on it if given the chance. At least it shouldn't! Your fiance's comments seem quite innocent to me, although if I were you I'd rather not hear them, especially with the period happening! Me, I think, for example, that James Frain is very cute, in a elfin way. Doesn't mean I'd act on it even on the remote chance I got the opportunity on a silver dish.

OvenMitts Tue 03-Feb-15 16:49:01

Thanks all. I don't think for one second that he would act on it, it's just sometimes I want to shout 'shut up!!!!!'

HotLipsHoulihan Tue 03-Feb-15 16:53:17

Then DO shout shut up!

Just tell him that you'd rather he kept these thoughts in his head. They're fine, it's ok to think whatever the hell we like but you find it disrespectful for him to voice them so would he kindly mind just shutting the fuck up.

If he doesn't ... Well, there's another problem

MrsRayOfSunshine Tue 03-Feb-15 16:54:00

I know I would be naive to think my husband doesn't look at other women, but if he was to comment on them to me, that would be unacceptable, but as for the boobs and stuff on the TV.. That's just strange!

dogelove Tue 03-Feb-15 17:08:53

Tell him that women's bodies aren't objects that he gets to pass inappropriate or unnecessary comments on, and you find it pretty pathetic that you are having to point that fact out to him.

U2TheEdge Tue 03-Feb-15 17:15:11


In 10 years my husband has never commented on women in that way. I am sure as a human he notices but he certainly doesn't comment on it.

It would put me off if he did.

Also, pointing out a pretty women to a partner and saying she is pretty or has a good figure is very different to me than the kind of comments your husband does op.

My 15 year old shouts out 'boobs' when he seems some on TV.

TheAwfulDaughter Tue 03-Feb-15 17:19:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SorchaN Tue 03-Feb-15 18:41:13

Ewww. I would find that a huge turn off, and I'd tell him so.

laughingmyarseoff Tue 03-Feb-15 19:23:46

I'd be annoyed, and I'd say how much a turn off it was. Or I'd watch Game of Thrones with him and talk loudly about how hot Jon Snow is.

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