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AIBU?

to contact first love

16 replies

Littlebubble · 03/02/2015 12:01

I am in a relationship for 10 years we have our ups and downs and every time we do I think about my first love and what he's doing, where is he etc. My relationship is going alright at the minute so have no idea what made me look for this lost person.
It has taken me a week to find out he has moved back to his hometown and where he works. I know he is divorced so I wouldn't be upsetting anyone in his life. I also have a friend who works in the same place as him though it is pretty big so she only knows off him rather than knowing him. Would it be unreasonable of me to get her to ask him if he remembers me (oh the embarrassment if he didn't ) or I was thinking maybe I should write to him myself? Or just leave the past where it is? Advice please

OP posts:

Report

squoosh · 03/02/2015 12:03

YABU

Leave
It
In
The
Past

Writerwannabe83 · 03/02/2015 12:05

If my DH did this I think I'd be questioning his feelings towards me and our marriage.

Tubbytimmy · 03/02/2015 12:08

leave it

Rivercam · 03/02/2015 12:08

We all wonder what past boyfriends are doing, but the past is the past. It would be unfair to ask your friend, as she doesn't actually know him.

Davsmum · 03/02/2015 12:08

Depends WHY you want to contact him. If it is because your relationship is not as happy as you would like it and you are hoping to rekindle something with your ex, then I think you should sort your relationship out first.

Contact the ex IF you finish your current relationship. If not, then I think it will be unwise to go there...

Tyzer85 · 03/02/2015 12:10

Why would you want to contact him? It's been ten years and you're in a relationship. Unless you want to get dumped?

kewtogetin · 03/02/2015 12:22

'I wouldn't be upsetting anyone in his life' maybe not but you'd be upsetting your partner of ten years! Yes, YABU, work on your own relationship instead of fantasising about the past where, let's face it, everything and everyone was fantastic.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 03/02/2015 12:25

YAB massively U - and you know it.

SaucyJack · 03/02/2015 12:28

How would you feel if your partner was devoting so much of his time and energy to a former flame?

I think you should leave well alone.

And stop listening to "The One Who Got Away" on repeat on your iPod when you think no one else can hear it

Littlebubble · 03/02/2015 12:29

Yes I did think that after sleeping on it. I do love my partner and I know we have issues and this is nothing more than a memory but he (partner) is worth so much more than a teenage dream.

OP posts:

Littlebubble · 03/02/2015 12:31

"the one that got away"? Lol Not sure I know that one but ill find it now

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 03/02/2015 12:33

It's by Katy Perry.

You can have ONE listen....

DoJo · 03/02/2015 12:33

YABU generally to seriously consider doing this - it might be idle curiosity on your part, but it would be really upsetting for your partner and potentially put your relationship in a precarious position.

Would it be unreasonable of me to get her to ask him if he remembers me

It would be even more unreasonable to get your friend involved in this at her place of work - it's completely inappropriate for her to be pursuing this person on your behalf at their place of work!

AuntieStella · 03/02/2015 12:34

Leave the past alone.

If it was something like a school reunion, where everyone who chose to attend is finding out what's happened to everyone else in the intervening years, then fine.

But taking the initiative one-on-one, when you're already thinking in terms of emotional connection that would be hurtful if he had a partner, is hostile to your own relationship. I'm sure you know that.

Either it's a passing thought, in which case just let it go and it will fade. Or it's a sign that something else is up, in which case work out what that really is, rather than dwelling in a fantasy.

StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 03/02/2015 12:37

Take this advice and times it by ten: leave it in the past. It can't end well.

Aherdofmims · 03/02/2015 12:38

YABU.

It is in the past.

If it's any help I happened to see my teenage "love" at a reunion recently after a gap of about 14 years. It was nice to see him but I could see all of the reasons (OK, some of them probably) why we should never have been together.

Also, I think everyone's "first love" is worth more than, as you put it, a teenage dream. When it is you and your feelings they do seem more significant. But you have to leave it in the past.

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