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aibu to feel gutted for my DS

(48 Posts)
shewalkslikerihanna Mon 02-Feb-15 22:56:40

Basically it looks like when his dad passed away recently he hasn't left a will. He thought the world of his dad and his dad him. He spent a lot of time with him while he was ill

His dad gave him the impression that he would leave him a decent inheritance. I'm talking no more than £10,000 with £5 ,000 being minimum

His dad had earned a lot of money in his working life a lot of it tax free in another country. He was really high up the tree in his profession.

There doesn't appear to be a will. Just a signed letter with everything going to his widow. So there's no idea how much he has left.

He was given £1000.

I'm devastated for him as he is and he is not a money person far from it. Just a hard working family man who works all the hours God sends to make ends meet. His car is 10 years old. He feels awful about this but he feels his dad would be upset if he was here. Why his dad never made proper provision I don't know. His dad was very generous while alive. I can't believe he hasn't safeguarded some money for his son.
The one he thought the world of.
Please don't think my son has an air of entitlement. He doesn't. He would go round in rags as long as his wife and children were provided for.
Meanwhile his dad's widow swans around in a big car and a big house.

SASASI Mon 02-Feb-15 22:59:35

Can you go visit a solicitor to see if there is some way of your son receiving some monies?

Might be worth posting in legal matters too.

I hope your son gets something sorted.

I assume the widow wouldn't offer anything off her own bat?

egnahc Mon 02-Feb-15 23:00:48

If his Dad had a widow then there may be very little cash to leave. Most children dont inherit until both parents pass away. Wont he be inheriting from you in time?

canyou Mon 02-Feb-15 23:02:13

is the letter taken as a will? My Dad died before his will was offical ie just a written intention he had typed up an signed to give to solicitor and so not seen as valid. We had to sign away any and all claims we might have to allow Mum inherit it all.

egnahc Mon 02-Feb-15 23:04:03

Most married couples have joint assets. If I died my estate would go to to DH and visa versa.

If your ex had wanted your son to inherit he should have named him as a beneficiary on a life insurance policy or pension (did he?) or leave a will (but he could only bequeath sole assets not joint)

RandomMess Mon 02-Feb-15 23:05:16

Usually when wills are contested the contesting party does get something! Utter madness but there you go - he could contest.

shewalkslikerihanna Mon 02-Feb-15 23:25:57

Thanks randomness but he doesn't have the money for a solicitor. I hope I can leave my son something but would like to live another 35 years please.

tarashill Mon 02-Feb-15 23:27:47

That's awful for your son, it must be so hard to come to terms with. At least your son knows that he was loved by his father. I know it's not much consolation but a legacy of love is worth much more than money. His fathers love will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life. Try to take comfort from that.

pengymum Mon 02-Feb-15 23:31:02

If there is no will then he is entitled to a share of the estate. It does not all go to the surviving spouse. Your son needs to get legal advice quickly. There are rules in cases of intestacy.

shewalkslikerihanna Mon 02-Feb-15 23:32:28

It's sort of tainted really and I didn't pluck ten grand out of thin air his dad offered to give him it to get him on the housing ladder just a couple of years ago . The house fell through so in a way my son felt he'd put it by for him .

shewalkslikerihanna Mon 02-Feb-15 23:33:49

Even with this signed letter pengymum. He said it looked rather official

AmantesSuntAmentes Mon 02-Feb-15 23:39:30

Who witnessed the letter, shewalks?

shewalkslikerihanna Mon 02-Feb-15 23:40:56

That I don't know.

shewalkslikerihanna Mon 02-Feb-15 23:44:35

Thank you all for being so kind and understanding and not seeing him as greedy. He most certainly isn't. Needy yes.
I'm turning in for the night. It's been a very hectic day and my head is clanging.

AmantesSuntAmentes Tue 03-Feb-15 00:12:31

It really is imperative that your ds challenges this asap. Seeking a solicitors advice is bound to be the absolute best way forwards. If anything can be done then it is probably worth doing. If nothing can be done, then you will both at least know your position. What I have learned from a quick google, is that time really is of the essence. I hope you find a beneficial resolution.

FWIW, your ds doesn't sound greedy at all! My df died suddenly and intestate. It really was all quite difficult and unfortunate. There were no disputes over his estate but there was much discussion over what he would have wanted smile

happyyonisleepyyoni Tue 03-Feb-15 00:18:17

Just adding to the others, if your DS dad died without leaving a will, and his estate was worth more then £250k then your DS and any other children would be entitled to something.

As the others said, your DS needs to get some legal advice ASAP.

Yambabe Tue 03-Feb-15 00:23:37

According to the intestacy rules if the estate was worth less than £250k it all goes to the spouse. If more than £250k the spouse gets the first £250k then gets half of any remaining balance. The other half is shared between any surviving children.

It sucks, but really it was down to your son's DF to sort this out and make a will before he died. So many people don't realise the pain and arguments that have to be dealt with if they don't bother.

Yambabe Tue 03-Feb-15 00:24:37

xpost with happyyoni blush

shewalkslikerihanna Tue 03-Feb-15 08:30:11

Thanks for all your help . His estate I don't think is worth over
£250,000 but then who knows for sure what was squirreled away while he was abroad.
When we got divorced he got to keep his £50,000 pension pot which presumably he added to in the 8years since then. My ds knows he paid off the widows mortgage of about £80.000 a few years ago.

He's not asking for half the house. Nothing like that. He just feels like he lost his beloved dad and has now had his teeth kicked in.

This paper he read had about six signatures on it and in the third paragraph it said everything was bequeathed to his widow . Yet she told him after his father passed away .not to worry.your dad's seen you alright, which in our neck of the woods means a little bit of something you can do something with.
I shall have a word with him about seeing a solicitor. This may be a legal document but I don't think it sounds like a formal will.

bloodygorgeous Tue 03-Feb-15 08:52:52

Oh OP what an awkward and painful situation.

I really understand how you feel and feel bad for your son, who sounds like a lovely man.

I just don't know what I would do or advise him to do - not sure if I would suggest just drawing a line under it and forgetting it 'it's only money'... or to fight it (especially if he feels his dad would want him to inherit).

I don't know if you or he has the stomach for this?

On the surface - knowing absolutely nothing about the widow or any more than you have told us (so might be being unfair) I am stunned and furious for you that she gave him £1000! A thousand pounds!!!! Just...I have no words.

solitarywalker Tue 03-Feb-15 08:59:21

Oh gosh OP, I don't think you sound materialistic at all, but I can completely understand why you feel the way you do. I don't think it's about the amount of money, but rather the disparity between the way he is treated and the way the widow has been treated.

Sending you hugs.

happyyonisleepyyoni Tue 03-Feb-15 09:23:04

So sorry for your DS. It's very tricky for anyone to advise not knowing the situation. It sounds very odd and not quite right that his dad "did not leave a will" but there was a letter. I wonder whether the letter was a side letter to the actual will or a codicil.
You say that DS dad paid off the widows mortgage, it would be worth talking to a lawyer about whether DS dad had any interest/ownership of this and other properties, cars etc.
Just adding a word of caution to what I said last night. It's definitely worth getting some initial expert advice but it can be extremely expensive to fight legal battles over estates and unless the father left an estate worth well over the 250k limit it could turn out to be not worth the risk, not to mention the emotional upset and falling out with the step mum.

mameulah Tue 03-Feb-15 09:31:16

In Scotland your DS would be entitled to a specific per cent of his DFs moveable assets. He should definitely contact a solicitor.

Jenny70 Tue 03-Feb-15 09:45:18

How old is your DS? If a minor it might be worth contesting, as I would think he would need to provide for him... but if an adult, I would think that whatever he might get wouldn't be more than what he has now, by the time legal fees are taken out and time goes by....

Hard call, but perhaps one best written off as bad luck/bad management.

gabsdot45 Tue 03-Feb-15 12:58:20

I think I'd be inclined to leave it be, Even the 'threat' of contesting the will is going to upset the rest of the family a lot. He might get a little bit more money bit lose his family. Is that worth it?

It's a bit different but my SIL's dad died and left everything to her children with instructions about what to do with the money. My SIL and brother had spoken to him during his life and this was what he wanted.
When he died my SIL's mother who was his very estranged wife, (never divorced but separated for years) decided she was entitled. He actually had put a clause into his will stating that she was to get nothing.
Anyway, by the end of it all she got no money and now my SIL and brother no longer have anything to do with her

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