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To want to call it a day with this friend?

(10 Posts)
cakepopbakeshop Mon 02-Feb-15 18:24:21

She sent me a text telling me I was "touchy" last week and therefore "bound to be offended by any text I send". I hold up my hands to being in an angry mood last week as my mum, who is not old enough to die, is on her last legs with cancer. I'd never accuse a friend of being "prickly", if they had done something specific to annoy me, I'd tell them. She hasn't done so, even though I calmly replied to the text: "are you ok?"
Other things she has done which have annoyed me is coming to stay with her two small DCs over Xmas at my invitation and then staying in bed until after lunchtime (meaning I had 4 DCs to look after all morning, we are both single mums). When I asked her if she was unwell she said she hadn't slept well because our kittens were bothering her!
And the other thing has been to contact me in a panic saying her abusive ex had kept the DCs beyond what's allowed under their contact arrangements. It seemed to me he'd way overstepped the mark, from her account, so I advised call social services / police - anyway she then didn't update me on what happened until weeks later when she asked me if I had a copy of her court order as she'd forgotten what was in it in the first place.
I've also been finding it abit weird that this friend always buys me make-up or beauty products as presents, even without an occasion, I realize that sounds ungrateful but I clearly don't wear make-up so it's a bit odd!
I am under stress at the mo with my mum being so ill so I definitely don't feel I need this kind of friend, but I want to be sure I'm not just being over-sensitive / impulsive before I stop returning her calls etc.

Andanotherthing123 Mon 02-Feb-15 18:30:07

Yanbu-call it a day. You need to save your energy for you, so sorry to hear about your mumflowers

DoJo Mon 02-Feb-15 18:39:21

YANBU - she sounds like a terrible friend. Does she have any positive qualities which redeem her or is she just selfish and accustomed to taking advantage of you?

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare Mon 02-Feb-15 18:42:10

She sounds too dramatic for me.

cakepopbakeshop Mon 02-Feb-15 18:48:31

Thank you all, especially for the flowers And I need them.
I became close(ish) to this friend when supporting her when she split from her ex. There were a number of times when I felt she took advantage of me, e.g. when failing to pick up her children at the time planned, but I put these things down to her disarray due to the break-up and past abuse.
I can't really be that forgiving now, and even though this friend often talks about her horrible childhood at the hands of a narcissistic mother, I have to say she seems quite narcissistic to me.
We have some stuff in common, shared interests - and have in the past had a few nice days out with the kids e.g. at the beach, but, sadly, I feel those few positive things are overshadowed by the selfishness now and the text last week was really not fair on me.

DoJo Mon 02-Feb-15 19:07:10

You deserve better -a friend who cannot put their own issues aside when someone is facing bereavement is no friend. She may have had a hard time in the past, but you are having a hard time now and if she can't support you and be kind then she should just cock off and stop making things worse. flowers

cakepopbakeshop Mon 02-Feb-15 19:10:24

Thanks DoJo, I think I will have to just let this one fizzle out. Not up for a confrontation and don't think that would help her or me.

DoJo Mon 02-Feb-15 19:12:02

I can't imagine a confrontation would make any difference - she has already decided that you are 'touchy' because you are, perfectly naturally, upset about your mum. I doubt she will change and all you can do is divest yourself of the burden of this 'friendship' and move on...

expatinscotland Mon 02-Feb-15 19:13:26

Definitely call it a day.

cakepopbakeshop Mon 02-Feb-15 19:34:30

OK, thanks. I've remembered another thing that irked me recently too. She told me that the lecherous headteacher of her little girl's school had called her little girl in for good maths and asked her to "do a twirl, pretty girl". When I'd said that I'd be outraged at that she pretty much laughed in my face and said yeah she expected I'd be writing straight to the board of governors. I felt very sorry for her little girl.

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