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AIBU?

Kate Granger

30 replies

HappyAgainOneDay · 02/02/2015 10:27

Dr Granger is the terminally ill patient who thinks that medical staff (of whatever level) should tell a patient who they are rather than just approach and or plunge a needle in or wheel him / her away.

Apart from that, I think that, instead of being Mary or John to the patient, they should be Dr Smith or Nurse Jones.

If I'm a patient, I would not like to be Bed 4 (as Dr Granger describes), I would prefer to be Mrs Brown rather than Joanne to them. Using surnames would bring back respect. It always used to be Mr This / Mrs That or Dr This / Nurse That, didn't it? Why don't the hospital staff automatically call you by a title and surname rather than ask you what you want to be called?

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Dumpylump · 02/02/2015 10:33

As far as your last question goes....you've answered it yourself. Staff ask you what you want to be called. You can say you want to be Mrs HappyAgainOneDay, and I can say just call me Dumpy.
I think you're completely wrong to suggest that the mere use of surnames brings respect though. Why on earth would it?

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PresidentTwonk · 02/02/2015 10:42

I agree doctors and nurses etc should introduce themselves but o completely disagree that using surnames will create respect. Respect is earned and I would not respect someone just for calling me Mrs Twonk!

When I was at school we called teachers Mr Smith and Miss Jones etc at college we called teachers Peter and Jane etc but I respected my college teachers MUCH more than (most of) my school teachers, as they treated me with much more respect.

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RainbowRabbit33 · 02/02/2015 10:48

I think it's complicated and my bum hurts from all the splinters in the fence. The easy part is that it feels very wrong for, eg, a stranger to come up and stick a needle in you. There needs to be some form of intro on both sides.

I initially thought I wanted to be Mrs Rabbit until I invited the HCP to call me Rainbow. Then I remembered how annoyed I get when people mispronounce my surname. If I'm ill I don't want to be annoyed!!

I want to call my doctor 'Dr Jones' not John. 'Nurse Jones' feels very formal on the other hand, so I would be happy with John. If he wanted to be Nurse Jones I would be comfortable. Matron can be 'Matron' with a childish snigger!

I think it gets more complicated with other job types. If John works in the maternity unit, do I have to call him 'Maternity Care Assistant Jones'? Feels like a bit of a mouthful, especially if I am in pain! 'Porter Jones' also feels silly somehow, and 'Cleaner Jones' is even worse.

That said, I think there is something about respect and surnames. I don't want Cleaner Jones to think I feel he is any less important to the smooth running of the hospital than Mr Jones the consultant. So maybe we just let everyone pick what they want to be called and just remember to introduce ourselves! Told you I had splinters in my bum!

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HappyAgainOneDay · 02/02/2015 10:50

Is that the reason that your tail always sticks up, Rainbow?

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sparkysparkysparky · 02/02/2015 10:52

Applaud the idea that staff should introduce themsleves. TBH I think they should write it down for you because it is often forgotten immediately. I always cringe when they ask which version of my first name I want to be called by e.g. Vicki. Or when they say "May I call you [Insert first name]? I feel too vulnerable to say I would prefer title and surname. When they use title nd surname it just feels like I still have a shred of power over my situation and changing to first names is in my gift in the relationship. Pathetic, really, but feeling vulnerable in hospital is not an aid to improving health.

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RainbowRabbit33 · 02/02/2015 10:56

Quite possibly Grin

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thewavesofthesea · 02/02/2015 11:11

I'm a GP registrar just doing hospital placements. I call patients Mr/Mrs x all the time, tis habit now!! Especially if older than me. I also introduce myself as Dr Ofthesea in GP practices, as that is what people expect, but Waves in hospital jobs (as I am a junior when in hospital) seems to work!!

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FlipperSkipper · 02/02/2015 11:23

I think it's a great campaign, it's not about being on first name terms, it's about making patients feel more comfortable and knowing who is looking after them - whether it's hello I'm Jane, or hello I'm Nurse Doe or Dr Doe. I've been in and out of hospital and the amount of staff who treat you as if it's a production line is unbelievable. Introducing themselves goes a small way to redressing the balance without taking hours (I'm aware hospital staff are very busy!) On my most recent stay I was asked what I wanted to be called - not can I call you by your first name, which I thought was great as if you want to be known as Mrs XX there's no awkwardness.

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Sidge · 02/02/2015 11:41

I'm quite sad to think that this is a conversation still being held. One should always introduce oneself to a patient you haven't met before.

I've been nursing 20+ years and we have always asked the patient/client/service user (depending which field you work in) what they'd like to be called. I always start with "Hello Mrs Bloggs I'm Susan" and then as the relationship develops I ask them what they would like to be addressed as.

I have many patients that have a different calling name to their real name as well - so say I see Mr Neville Smith regularly, I address him as Mr Smith then at our second meeting I discover that he's been called Bob his whole life! He'd probably blank me if I called him Neville!

I'm always Susan (not my real name by the way) as I think Nurse Jones sounds too formal personally. Lots of my patients call me Sister which is fine but I wouldn't introduce myself that way.

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Nanny0gg · 02/02/2015 11:53

Of course they should introduce themselves. And I'm happy to use their preference.

I personally don't want to be called Gytha by someone I don't know, Mrs Ogg will do fine.

And when my late father was in hospital it was awful hearing him called by his first name by nurses young enough to be his granddaughter. Even his secretary of 30 years would never have done that.

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sparkysparkysparky · 02/02/2015 11:58

It made me cringe when my elderly aunt ( who was a GP in her working life) was addressed as Millie by a series of nurses one of whom called this out walking up the ward to find her as if she were a lost dog.

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drudgetrudy · 02/02/2015 12:02

I think doctors and nurses should introduce themselves and ask patients what they would like to be called. Some people prefer formality, some prefer first name terms.
What I do dislike is a young doctor calling me drudge and expecting me to call them Dr Xxxx I prefer either surname-surname or first name-first name,otherwise there is an implied difference in status.
If a nurse calls herself Sue calling me Drudge is fine.
It is more about respect than names-and they really should explain why they are doing things.

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Redglitter · 02/02/2015 12:08

I felt the opposite NannyOgg when my dad was in hospital I thought it was so much nicer the nurses calling him by his first name. It felt more personal, more caring than calling him Mr (surname )

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Poledra · 02/02/2015 12:24

I don't mind being called my first name, as long as the HCP on the other end of the conversation doesn't mind me calling them by their first name. I remember seeing a very high-up consultant when I had problems during my second pregnancy. He called me by my first name, so I responded by using his first name. His eye did twitch a little, but he didn't actually say anything. Mind you, DH worked at the same hospital, and the consultant was desperately trying to read DH's job title on his ID card so he was a little distracted. Grin

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thatsnotmyusername · 02/02/2015 12:37

with addressing people by surnames - in my role training to be a midwife I don't often get the Mrs/Miss information for women - so its a minefield and suggests you presume they are married or not.

Hello Mrs Bloggs, I am...' (interrupts) 'I am not married'

not a great start, especially as it seems to suggest I think they should be married.

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Gruntfuttock · 02/02/2015 12:40

PresidentTwonk "Respect is earned"

I absolutely hate that phrase and disagree completely. Is it really acceptable to neither give nor expect respect until it is deemed to have been earned. Not in my opinion it isn't. I treat everyone with respect unless and until they do something to cause me to lose that respect. I think that's the right way round.

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Gruntfuttock · 02/02/2015 12:43

Sorry for the missing "?" in my post above. Typing too quickly.

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HappyAgainOneDay · 02/02/2015 12:54

Oh, yes, Poledra ! I was in hospital and talking with other patients in my bay of four about who calls whom what. I told them that I would prefer to be called Mrs OneDay just as my consultant turned into the room and my bed was right there. He called me Mrs OneDay from then on. I had been prepared to call him 'John' though if he were to go down the route that yours did.

I've yet to say, "I pay your salary."

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Jennifersrabbit · 02/02/2015 12:58

I think the core of the (brilliant) campaign is the very simple premise that you introduce yourself to the person you're about to treat.

Most drs I have met I think would say 'hello I'm John Smith' or whatever which seems a good compromise.

I am not sure you can reach a consensus on whether titles or first names are always right when addressing patients. I hate being called Mrs Jennifersrabbit and much prefer first names. I think the best you can do is to be sensitive to your patients in which case you are likely to pick up the preferred form of address.

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ReallyTired · 02/02/2015 13:05

Dr Granger had the terrible news that her cancer had spread from a doctor who had not bothered to introduce himself. Surely telling a young person that they will die, never have the chance to grow old and have children needs a human connection. The breaking of terrible news needs a human dimension. The patient needs to feel that people care.

The use of first names or surnames is a seperate debate.

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Almostfifty · 02/02/2015 13:26

I think the core of the (brilliant) campaign is the very simple premise that you introduce yourself to the person you're about to treat.

This.

I have just spent the best part of three months in different hospitals with one of my DC. In the first one, all staff had their names on their uniforms and made sure we knew who they were. The doctors introduced themselves (by their first name) each time they gave us updates. Every member of staff was professional, courteous and I felt they really cared for us as a family.

In the second one, I had to stop almost every member of staff from just coming in and doing what was needed to my DC. I would say, 'My name is Almost, this is DC, would you tell us your name and what you're going to do?' They were always lovely, very professional, but just didn't have that personal touch the first hospital had.

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ImBatDog · 02/02/2015 13:30

respect IS earned, but manners cost nothing.

Called someone Mr, Miss or Mrs isnt about having respect for a person, its about having manners and not using a persons first name until invited to do so.

I'm not going to have or give respect for/to someone i've never met, until they prove to me they deserve it, but i'm damn sure going to use my manners and not DISrespect them by being rude.

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Gruntfuttock · 02/02/2015 13:52

So, ImBatDog do you also not expect to be treated with respect until the other person decides you've earned it somehow? Shouldn't treating people with respect be the default?

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ImBatDog · 02/02/2015 13:56

no, treating them with good manners should.

respect mean to honour or revere someone, why would i honour or revere someone i've never met?

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MrsPeterQuill · 02/02/2015 14:58

I agree, this is an excellent campaign. Having been in and out of hospital for various things over the last few years, I think staff should introduce themselves at the very least.

I also think you should be referred to as Mrs/Miss/Mr/Ms (or whatever) until they either ask if it's ok for you to be called by your first name or you invite them to do so.

As another poster up thread has said, it's good manners. I don't know why, but it sounds patronising for a 20yr old nurse to be calling an elderly patient by their first name. In the same way, I hate being called 'love' by someone who is three decades younger me, but that's another thread.

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