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Is this fair - house stuff/cleaning AIBU?

(10 Posts)
statementnecklace Sun 01-Feb-15 13:48:54

Sorry this may be quite similar to one of the other threads running and I'm prepared to be told IABU.

Myself and my partner work opposite each other, I work FT Mon-Fri and he works weekends. We have 2 children, one school age and one toddler.

Every weekend I do all the cleaning, seems trivial but it's really starting to piss me off! I've tried speaking to him about it and I don't expect him to do everything but it seems unfair that I pick it all up. He will put washing/dishwasher on some days but I do more often than not. He does cook the evening meal if we have meal planned. He also does the school drop off and pick up as I'm at work.

I feel silly writing this but I can feel myself starting to get resentful. I have two days with the DC and it feels like I end up spending a lot of the time cleaning and tidying up the house - and I don't want to be! I've tried speaking to him, will help out for a week or so, tried leaving it (doesn't get done and when I do do it I get told "I would have done that later" hmm).

AIBU and if I'm not, does anyone have any suggestions for tackling this another way?

SnowWhiteAteTheApple Sun 01-Feb-15 13:52:16

He should do the cooking/cleaning on the five days he doesn't work and you the other two. It's only fair the person not working does the days tasks. I don't subscribe to the "home with children not for housework" theory as all adults have to do these tasks.

Goneintohibernation Sun 01-Feb-15 13:54:53

This sounds massively unfair to you. He could spend three of the days while you are at work, cleaning, and still have the same number of days "off" as you.

MrsHathaway Sun 01-Feb-15 13:57:49

The usual equation is to look at free time - if he's providing childcare 5 days out of 7 and working out of the house the other two, and you vice versa, does either of you have any free time?!

I would have said, as a ball park, you should do 50/50, since you're both monstrously busy. But whether that's both doing all the jobs once the DC are in bed, or doing your half during your "at home" days as you choose.

What 50% each of you does is a very personal thing. Certainly you should each do the jobs you are more fond of or more good at, then divvy out the rest.

statementnecklace Sun 01-Feb-15 14:04:23

Free time is in the evening, once DC are in bed. I completely agree that he should not do everything purely on the premise he is home more than I am, but I suppose I feel like I end up with the shit tasks grin.

DejaVuAllOverAgain Sun 01-Feb-15 14:18:16

Write a list of everything that needs doing and then sit down with him and share it out fairly.

notinagreatplace Sun 01-Feb-15 14:21:27

I seem to see a lot of women who somehow think that their blokes should just "see what needs to be done" and do it. Men mostly aren't socialised that way. You need to sit down and discuss household tasks and divvy them up.

I'd recommend, for you guys, that you get him to take on absolutely all the laundry - literally, you don't touch it - and, similarly, that he does all the food shopping. These are things that are much less subjective than, say, the cleaning - there's either clean clothes/food, or there isn't. Whereas, with cleaning, you can get into pointless arguments about whether it "needs" doing.

statementnecklace Sun 01-Feb-15 15:03:28

He is supposed to pick up the washing, but more often than not has not got round to it, so I do it when I get home. I could leave it but if there are no clothes this directly affects me as I need stuff for work. Then I just feel like I'm nagging about it <sigh>.

notinagreatplace Sun 01-Feb-15 15:05:29

Yeah, you need to stop doing his jobs. If you don't have clean clothes, do a load of just your stuff (we do our own laundry and I easily generate a load a week of my own), and just ignore yours and the DCs.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Sun 01-Feb-15 15:07:57

He doesn't get round to it because he knows he doesn't have to - if he doesn't do it - you will!

So stop washing his stuff. You need stuff for work? Wash that. Let's see how long it is before he starts 'getting round to it'

And yes, I know that's petty but I bloody HATE 'I didn't get round to it' it's a piss poor excuse for I can't be arsed but I don't have to bother cos I know muggins will just do it.

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