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Holidaying apart from DH

(14 Posts)
fridayfreedom Sun 01-Feb-15 12:49:30

Long story. Before I met DH he used to go off mountaineering in the Alps with other male friends each summer.
When I met him he was 26. We used to go hill walking but I was never up to the strenuous mountain walking and climbing.
Since having children we have camped most years in France for our holidays. Think big tent plus loads of kit, often moving site every few days because he doesn't like being in the same place for long so wants to see new places. I just wanted a week in one place then maybe a week in another, did this a few times when I put my foot down.
He has always said that he wanted to take the dc to the mountains where he used to climb. To start with they were too young but now as teenagers they are not interested.
I did look into it two years ago, got guides to the area with family walks etc but this was not good enough. Apparently we need to be walking 8 hrs a day!
We went to Alsace in the end where he went up the local hills and we stayed in the valley and but did some valley walks with him.
At the end of the holiday I fell and fractured my vertebrae. Am now recovered but am very scared of falling again. I also have a problem with my feet so struggle to walk for a whole day.
Last year we went to stay with friends in Europe and travelled round the country on trains. I loved the freedom of one suitcase and bag and not a car load of camping kit. On coming home he said the holiday was ok but not brilliant like the rest of the family thought as we didn't do loads of walking and we had times of sitting relaxing thus wasting time. I was very upset as I tried to plan the holiday with a bit of everything to cover each persons interests.
So, and well done if you've got this far!, this year I would like to go and stay with friends on an island of the British coast , dc also love going there. It would also be cheaper after last years expensive holiday, as DD is now at Uni and that is costing us .
DH is not happy. He is upset that I have let him down as I said one day we would all go to the Alps but I did not envisage my health problems and dc not being interested. I am also scared of driving in France after a very bad accident there many years ago.
Would be be unreasonable to holiday alone or is this a bad thing to do relationshipwise?
The thought of a holiday with the dc away from his griping because we aren't climbing mountains is very tempting.

DisappointedOne Sun 01-Feb-15 12:56:38

My husband dives. I don't.

He's going for a week's diving on a boat on his own. DD and I might do something else on our own.

I'm not sure what the issue is.

MomOfTwoGirls2 Sun 01-Feb-15 13:01:03

My DH hates sun holidays but me and DDs enjoy them. Myself and DDs had a few hols without DH. (Which DH was absolutely fine about).
Could your DH go alone on some specialist walking holiday in the Alps? Or go with a few mates?

You are a saint for putting up with those type of holidays for so long!! And you must consider your health, and so should your DH.

DejaVuAllOverAgain Sun 01-Feb-15 13:06:06

Nothing wrong with separate holidays. You get to do what you want he gets to do what he wants, everybody's happy. If you could afford it maybe you could do a weekend away together.

Speak to your DH and see what he thinks, it may just appeal to him too especially if he has friends he could go with.

Summerisle1 Sun 01-Feb-15 13:07:41

Go on separate holidays. It'll be good for everyone!

fridayfreedom Sun 01-Feb-15 13:13:29

He is saying he will go on his own which to be honest I'm fine about.
He has always been a bit sniffy about compromise on holiday. He doesn't seem to get that it's difficult to spend holidays doing stuff which you are physically not up to. Plus I don't want to spend my hard earned holiday resenting every minute.
He's rubbish at keeping in touch with friends so is unlikely to find some to go with but he did say he'd look at a walking holiday or hell drive there himself and camp. A bit concerned re the latter but have given up caring.
He went walking in the lakes at New Year on his own but I had to encourage him to book it.
Just feel kits a bit sad not to holiday as a family but then his folks used to holiday apart when he was a child.

firesidechat Sun 01-Feb-15 13:14:50

A compromise would be the answer here.

My husband loves walking and I really don't despite trying to for a while. Our children do like walking and climbing.

We have main family holidays where we do things we all like. My husband has had walking holidays with his friends (long weekends), I've had long weekends slobbing about with friends at Centre Parcs and the children have been away with their dad to climb mountains. We've also had short holidays with other families where half the group went walking and the other half went shopping. Everyone happy. smile

Would something like this work for you?

firesidechat Sun 01-Feb-15 13:18:10

Just seen your last post and I agree that holidaying as a family is important. It is sad when one person absences themselves because they can't compromise. Our holidays apart were in addition to the main family holiday.

firesidechat Sun 01-Feb-15 13:19:28

absence without the s

fridayfreedom Sun 01-Feb-15 13:26:38

Think maybe we should look at separate hols plus a long weekend away together.
I can only get two weeks off work which he also moans at as he can get three. I used to be able to but there is no way I can now.
I've always wanted a europeon city break but have avoided going with him as it would be a route march and not wandering markets and sitting in cafes etc.

kickassangel Sun 01-Feb-15 13:32:15

Could he do a few weekends away, then you all go somewhere together for a week?
Or could you go somewhere like the Lake District where he can go walking and you do ther things?

It's not great that he sounds so sulky about it, but otoh it's sad he never gets to do his thing. That's typical when kids are young but now they're older you can all be a bit more independent.

Or can he see if there's a local hiking club near you and get out at weekends?

Almostfifty Sun 01-Feb-15 13:40:28

My DH would have loved that kind of holiday, but he realised that the rest of us didn't so he got on with it and fell in with the majority.

We have done holidays where he's gone and walked up a mountain and left us at the pool/beach for a couple of the days.

Could he not go walking for the week, then you could all join him for the other two weeks?

MagnetsOnItsTail Sun 01-Feb-15 13:41:18

Friday, I think a European city break would be ideal, not physically demanding. My DH is similar to yours and can never just relax, so DD and I did a city break last year in Berlin. It was lovely, just pottering around and seeing the sights. The best part was stopping for coffee or pancakes and not as you say, having to go on a route march.

fridayfreedom Sun 01-Feb-15 13:42:02

He does get to do his thing, I try to book hols were we can all do things we like but obviously not for the whole holiday.
I have encouraged him to go off for weekends and to meet up with friends etc but he is rubbish at getting round to it and I no longer take the blame for him not getting the chance.
I'm sure we will sort it out. Interestingly the island I would like to go to has lots of hills and coastal walks but apparently they are not high enough.
I can understand his disappointment that as a family we haven't followed his interest but that is not my fault.

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