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To not want to hear about this anymore

(20 Posts)
brokenhearted55a Sun 01-Feb-15 12:20:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoanHickson Sun 01-Feb-15 12:21:46

Drop her.

brokenhearted55a Sun 01-Feb-15 12:21:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon Sun 01-Feb-15 12:23:05

I would tell her to either shut the fuck up or I will tell her husband. In fact, I would have stopped seeing her at all.

But I am completely intolerant of infidelity.

brokenhearted55a Sun 01-Feb-15 12:24:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

avocadotoast Sun 01-Feb-15 12:27:10

Ugh, I used to live with my friend and her boyfriend and she started having an affair. It got to the point where I and one of her other friends gave her an ultimatum: you either tell boyfriend what's going on, or you stop expecting us to listen and support you, because it's not fair to him or us.

She did tell him, but it took a lot of doing.

I would just be blunt with her. You can still be her friend, but you don't want to hear about the affair because it's uncomfortable and unpleasant.

SoupDragon Sun 01-Feb-15 12:27:22

If she wouldn't shut about her infertility then yes, I would threaten to tell her husband.

Except I wouldn't because I would no longer be seeing her to give her the opportunity to talk about it

[shrug]

brokenhearted55a Sun 01-Feb-15 12:30:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PelvicFloorGoneSouth Sun 01-Feb-15 12:31:24

By allowing her to confide in you about the relationship you are already involved..................if you don't want to hear about it then be direct and tell her.

LadyLuck10 Sun 01-Feb-15 12:32:02

Yanbu you should tell her you feel disgusted by people who have no morals so therefore don't want to hear about it.

BallsforEarrings Sun 01-Feb-15 12:34:47

Well you still can tell her your stuff because you're not committing adultery, she is, and you don't want to be involved as it's against your personal values.

She has no good reason to not want to listen to your normal relationship chat and if she doesn't want to listen to you she sounds like a rubbish friend anyway tbh!

JoanHickson Sun 01-Feb-15 12:35:36

It's not just the lack of morality, it's also that she won't let you talk about your new guy.

brokenhearted55a Sun 01-Feb-15 12:40:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bloodygorgeous Sun 01-Feb-15 12:45:12

If it was a very good friend of mine I would listen to her but try very hard to make her see sense - she needs a metaphorical slap because she's in a cloud of lust. She can't see the catastrophic ending this is likely to have.

I have a few extremely close friends - like sisters. Known them for 35 years. I wouldn't cut them out for anything or anyone. It's like a marriage vow - for better, for worse.

I'd be very disapproving and uncomfortable though and I understand how you feel.

Jollyphonics Sun 01-Feb-15 12:45:20

Many years ago a friend of mine was doing is - she was living with her boyfriend and having an affair with a married man. Her boyfriend was a really nice man, and I felt dreadful knowing what I knew.

Anyway, the main thing was that she didn't want to be with her boyfriend any more, so she told him within a couple of weeks of the affair starting, and it was all out in the open. I'm not sure what I'd have done if I'd been expected to lie for months.

Has your friend said anything about how she expects this to end up?

brokenhearted55a Sun 01-Feb-15 12:51:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MildDrPepperAddiction Sun 01-Feb-15 12:54:23

I couldn't be friends with her. I'd drop the friendship tbh. If she can be so heartless to her husband she'll hardly be good to her friends.

AlpacaLypse Sun 01-Feb-15 12:57:22

I did drop a friendship with the unfaithful half of a couple over just this issue. I've never regretted it.

mummymeister Sun 01-Feb-15 12:59:39

you need to stop trying to make her see sense. she cant or wont. she is loving the situation she is in. this isn't about any sort of angst on her part its about the control issue of being adored by two men. you will never, ever get her to see sense. so stop trying and decide. do you want her in your life. do the good bits of your friendship outweigh this or not. only you know that. you need to pick neutral ground. sit her down and say " I cannot continue being friends with you under these circumstances. I am not going to make you decide now but I cannot tolerate the situation any longer. you decide. " leave her to think it over and then meet again. hard to do but awful situation to be in where a careless word from you might betray what she is doing to her OH. and it will happen. so get it sorted with her. good luck.

laughingmyarseoff Sun 01-Feb-15 13:46:03

I would stop talking to her about your relationship and cutting her off if she tries to ask with another conversation, when she asks why be honest with her.

Question is how does this affect your relationship in general? Are you having to lie for her? How do you feel about it all? Is it making you see her in a different light?

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