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Fed up of being treated like everything is my responsibility/fault by MIL

(30 Posts)
Ownerofalittlechimp Sat 31-Jan-15 20:15:23

Sorry it's a MIL one, just need to get it off my chest really.

I know this is minor & many people have it much worse but I'm so fed up of being referred to as "mummy" by MIL, I know it's normal when talking to ds but this is how she addresses me all the time (when asking me for something, responding to something I've said, when it is just is & no dc not around) she never uses my actual name. The last time she used my name was pre dc & when I was pg she referred to me as "the brood mare" (seriously).

Also whenever she is here (couple times a week) & something needs doing, dc need something it's "mummy will do it/get it", dh will sit doing nothing/talking to MIL. Obviously I look after DC needs etc it's the assumption that it is my responsibility because I am "mummy". If we have run out of something or are running low on stuff I get "mummy needs to get more , mummy needs to make sure there is always some of xxx in the house". She seems to think because dh works (as do I, she knows this) that everything falls to me.

She is nice & means well but she is driving me batty at the moment!

Ownerofalittlechimp Sat 31-Jan-15 20:17:00

Should add that dh does do stuff round house & with dc but is the opposite when MIL is here.

magoria Sat 31-Jan-15 20:19:19

Well how about next time you pointedly as DH too it?

magoria Sat 31-Jan-15 20:19:40

too = to do

2minsofyourtime Sat 31-Jan-15 20:21:49

Then when she does say 'mummy' needs to get/do something then say actually its dh's turn this time. Don't sit in silence

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 31-Jan-15 20:26:52

I'd have banished her from the house and my life for her "brood mare" shite. Now you're "Mummy" and it's just more of the same. She needs to be told to fuck off. Permanently.

flora717 Sat 31-Jan-15 20:35:12

Sit her down. Tell her it is completely ridiculous she cannot use your name.
You need to tell her the "brood mare" comment is disgusting, you and DH aren't calling her "the old nag".
Say that is the last time you'll mention it. If it happens again you'll have to assume as she's being so hostile she doesn't want to see your family. And stick to it.

lomega Sat 31-Jan-15 20:39:24

This could be a thread about my MIL! Lovely mostly but a pain in the arse for third person 'mummy' shit. I want to yell in her ear 'I am here you know' but alas this is probably not polite.

YANBU. Brood mare? WTF, jealousy is my guess

bettyboop1970 Sat 31-Jan-15 20:46:38

YANBU cheeky bitch! Say to her I do have a name and I will not answer unless you use it. Thank god I"be got a lovely MIL, very rare it seems on here!!!!

LingDiLong Sat 31-Jan-15 20:53:05

She is NOT nice and I doubt she means well either! My MIL can be a bit like this - men are supposed to sit on the backsides doing nothing while women do it all. Luckily my DH relishes winding her up (and I quite enjoy it too) so when we visit he makes a point of doing everything while I sit back with a glass of wine chatting to my SIL. It's mildly amusing watching her freak out about her 'poor boy having to do EVERYTHING'. Get your DH on board and get it sorted OP!

GotToBeInItToWinIt Sat 31-Jan-15 20:55:41

Brood mare shockshockshock. I can't get over that so finding it difficult to comment on the rest! I would have had it out with her for that alone.

Littlef00t Sat 31-Jan-15 20:57:18

Does she expect a response when she says mummy should do xyz?

If so, I'd just ignore her. I'm not your mummy, I didn't realise you were talking to me.

YonicScrewdriver Sat 31-Jan-15 20:57:41

Your problem is also with your DH doing nothing, you know.

Have you tried saying "ooh, granny, it's daddy's job to do that!" To everything?

Ownerofalittlechimp Sat 31-Jan-15 21:01:27

My protestations at the brood mare moniker fell on deaf ears unfortunately but I used to smile & repeat "f* off" furiously in my head. That said I could cope with it compared to the other shit she pulled whilst I was pg!

I do say to her but it's always brushed off as jokey or that I'm being too sensitive. I think I need to get firmer!

Ownerofalittlechimp Sat 31-Jan-15 21:04:02

Littlef00t yes she does, I'll offer her a drink & she will say yes please mummy. It's hello mummy in greeting me everytime & mummy can you find this/look something up for me etc

Mintyyssockie Sat 31-Jan-15 21:09:23

How does she refer to your dh when speaking to the children?

deste Sat 31-Jan-15 21:15:20

How do you refer to MIL when you speak to her?

hamptoncourt Sat 31-Jan-15 21:20:11

Have you asked her "why do you keep calling me mummy? Are you going senile? Can you not remember my name? It's Owner - OWNER" I know it sounds harsh but a friend of mine had this type of problem and her MIL was very sensitive about being thought senile and soon shut the fuck up.

Agree you need to get DH to step up here. Tell him he is not to sit on his arse like a little prince when MIL is visiting. Or just go out next time she visits.

Mintyyssockie Sat 31-Jan-15 21:23:45

Don't accuse your mil of being senile - that would be an absolutely disgusting thing to do. Sort it out like an adult.

littleleftie Sat 31-Jan-15 21:35:22

Sounds like OP has tried sorting it out like an adult and that hasn't worked out so well so far.

I do say to her but it's always brushed off as jokey or that I'm being too sensitive. I think I need to get firmer! This is standard toxic behaviour OP - she couldn't give a shit how upset you are and it's probably deliberate.

Like PP have said, DH sounds at fault to for indulging this.

Can you distance yourself physically and emotionally?

If you get really firm she might get the right hump and go NC with you which would be a result I should think.grin

Ownerofalittlechimp Sat 31-Jan-15 21:38:01

Minty I wouldn't (although I admit the idea made me chuckle a little), she calls dh by his name & "daddy" when talking to dc's. I use her name or "granny" when talking to dc's.

LingDiLong Sat 31-Jan-15 21:40:39

Honestly, why doesn't your DH help you address this? Why is he just sitting back and letting you do everything? I would expect him to, at the very least, say 'actually Mum, it's not up to Ownerof to do everything'

kickassangel Sat 31-Jan-15 21:40:40

Well if she calls you mummy then you must be HER mother try calling her baby, and maybe even baby waby. The when she asks mummy to do something turn to daddy waddy and ask him if he can help baby waby to get a drink etc.

Time to stop being polite, treating you like this is not polite.

outtahell Sun 01-Feb-15 10:03:35

Well, it's not unknown for DILs and SILs to call their MILs mum, is it? So next time it's announced that "mummy will", plonk yourself on the settee and announce "ok mummy, that'th vewwy nithe of you" while sucking your thumb.

Okay, maybe not. How about a strident "Mummy doesn't get told what to do under her own roof by someone who is just a guest!"?

SASASI Sun 01-Feb-15 10:09:25

In my house we have pink & blue jobs - yes stereotyping.

Anything she said I'd say 'no actually that's a blue job so DH will do it'.

My MIL is like this - if I dare to ask DH to do sthing in her presence age jumps up & does it. Daft cow.

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