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to be this angry when nothing bad actually happened?

(139 Posts)
EbonyIck Sat 31-Jan-15 16:21:05

DS3 is 7 and attends a specialist school (no disabilities/he is not especially vulnerable), which is close-ish to DH's work, a 45-minute train journey (very easy journey as school and home are a five-min walk from relevant stations), from home. It's a 20 minute drive but I can't drive due to a medical condition.

Either I or DH will take him depending on DH's schedule (morning meetings etc), and DH almost always collects him as it's a faff for me to get there and collect other DCs from their school. DS3 attends the after-school programme and the latest he can be collected is 6.30pm. Most people in DH's office (and DH), work 8-4 or 5pm

Yesterday around 4.30 DH let me know he was going for a quick drink with work people, I offered to go and collect DS3, he said no, the drinks were near the station and his friends needed to leave by 5.45 to make their train.

I called him at 5.30 to make sure everything was okay, it was, and asked him to call me when he and DS3 were at the station so I could get dinner on.

He rang me at 6.30ish with DS3, he sounded a bit 'merry' but okay. So I was expecting them at 7.15pm.

I texted a couple of times and got no response so called at 7pm making sure they were on time (cooking fish). DS3 answered and said "Daddy's fallen asleep". I asked what station they were at and he didn't know. I said to wake Daddy up, DS3 said "I can't, he's lying down".

I went down to the station still on the phone to DS3, expecting to have to check every train for DH and DS3 (wasn't sure which they'd be on, they come every 3-5 minutes), ask staff to hold the train while I did, pretty frantic as I'm sure you can imagine.

On my way DH took over the phone having been woken up by DS3 pushing him. They got off the train at the right stop and I met them at the station.

DH was absolutely HAMMERED. Incoherent. Haven't seen him like that in years. Just about dragged him home and put him to bed.

DS3 was fine, he'd been reading and playing on the phone, didn't seem too bothered. I fed the DCs and got them to bed and seethed all night.

This morning when DH woke up I laid into him and he was contrite, said he hadn't eaten and was really sorry. He made a joke about waking up with DS3 at the airport (which is the end of the line). I said it was no laughing matter, what if school or someone on the train had called SS, what if someone had snatched DS or stolen something. He accepted my points but seemed to think it was more funny than anything.

He and DS2 are out for the day and I'm just working myself up more and more. AIBU to be this angry? I am FURIOUS and keep going over it my head. But I'm not sure what I can do that's productive other than always collect DS3 if DH is doing something after work.

Nolim Sat 31-Jan-15 16:23:50


DropYourSword Sat 31-Jan-15 16:25:38

I think you might be getting a teensy bit dramatic with the "what ifs" BUT getting blind stinking drunk when you're in charge of looking after your 7 year old is all kinds of wrong and I'm not surprised you're furious with him!

Summerisle1 Sat 31-Jan-15 16:26:25

YANBU. I'd be fucking livid. Anything could have happened. Fortunately it didn't but your 7 year old shouldn't have to be in charge of his drunk father.

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 31-Jan-15 16:26:48



I'd be sodding furious that my dh was that pissed in front of and in charge of my dc.

no excuses

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 31-Jan-15 16:27:11

I would have gone fucking nuclear had dh done anything like this with one of our kids, you must have been frantic.

There shouldn't be a next time and he won't go on the piss before picking up your boy.

EbonyIck Sat 31-Jan-15 16:28:16

Thanks for the replies. I agree I am building up a lot of what-ifs - I do always think of a worst case scenario.

How do I get a handle on it and calm down????

afreshstartplease Sat 31-Jan-15 16:28:25


I wouldn't have dragged him home I would have pushed him into a bush

Selfish twat

Timeforabiscuit Sat 31-Jan-15 16:28:54

Just ask him how he would react if you were blind drunk in charge if your seven year old at a train station.

His child was actually acting as his guardian becausebecause he was incapable !

I would be unable to look at that person for a few days, and they'd have to try a fuck lot harder than making a joke out of it!

Timeforabiscuit Sat 31-Jan-15 16:30:13

Tbh I don't think you can just calm down, its a massive breach of trust.

Have you spoken to anyone in real life about it?

PtolemysNeedle Sat 31-Jan-15 16:30:28

YANBU, your anger is perfectly justified.

Georgethesecond Sat 31-Jan-15 16:30:57

Get a handle on it by getting it all out in here. What could have happened? What were your fears? Why are you angry?

You might be able to talk more calmly to him then.

BreacaBoudica Sat 31-Jan-15 16:33:48

Yanbu. There's a reason being drunk in charge of a child is a criminal offence - anything could happen.

What if school have concerns now? He's been an utter dick.

ImBatDog Sat 31-Jan-15 16:34:13

If he was that pissed, wtf were the school doing handing Ds over to him? Safeguarding issues much?

hamptoncourt Sat 31-Jan-15 16:34:19

YANBU I would go ballistic over this.

He needs to understand that he has destroyed your trust in his ability to look after the DC properly.

As a starting point I would say no drinks after work again ever.

thenightsky Sat 31-Jan-15 16:35:02

How did he got so paralytic is a drinking session that was so short? How the hell did he manage to collect your DS3 if he was that legless?

I'd be fucking furious beyond reason.

YA definitely NBU

EbonyIck Sat 31-Jan-15 16:37:32

George good idea. Thankyou everyone. Gonna write out what my brain is churning. Ugh.

The school could've called SS. That would've meant immediate police involvement due to their safeguarding policy. I couldn't've got there for 20 mins (if got a minicab). and then what.

DS or DH could've fallen/been hurt at the (major), train station.

Someone on the train could've hurt DS, or upset him. Taken the phone out of his hands, robbed DH, anything. It's a busy train as it ends at the airport.

If they'd ended up at the end of the line, what then? Police? DS would've been so scared.

It's so wrong that DS has to watch the stations and wake up drunk Daddy. Not his job.

What if DS had been taken. Unlikely maybe but possible.

honeysucklejasmine Sat 31-Jan-15 16:37:46

shock Seriously?! I would be LIVID, and him joking would make me even angrier.

Honestly, i don't know how I'd feel better about it.

EbonyIck Sat 31-Jan-15 16:38:27

When I spoke to him at the school-end station he seemed compos mentis. He says he had 2 or 3 glasses of wine and a gin and tonic.

CrumbsThatsQuick Sat 31-Jan-15 16:38:39

Is it bad that I giggled a bit? blushshocksmile


Bowlersarm Sat 31-Jan-15 16:40:47

YANBU, but that doesn't sound like a lot of alcohol to make him so hammered. Someone wouldn't have spiked his drinks woukd they?

DancingDinosaur Sat 31-Jan-15 16:41:26

Christ. I would be fucking raging. I know nothing happened. But the what ifs.....

EbonyIck Sat 31-Jan-15 16:43:11

He hadn't eaten anything since 8am (so 8 hours). He puts it down to that. He didn't intend to get that drunk, I believe that.

Maybe I also feel helpless/guilty? Because I wasn't there?

scalliiondays Sat 31-Jan-15 16:44:25

Yanbu but the crucial question is whether he will do it or something similar again?
If he is mortified and has also thought of all of the 'what ifs' then you need to calmly discuss it with him and after thanking all of your lucky stars move on - safely.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 31-Jan-15 16:45:00

There's no reason for you to feel guilty , your ds was with the other most important person in his life who is there to protect him; his Dad.

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