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Sad about "friendships" and why is not so easy to break the loneliness and make new mum friends...

(11 Posts)
btfly2 Sat 31-Jan-15 11:03:15

Anyone on the same boat??

Thank you in advance for any replies, help, advice you can provide smile

Desperately in need to listen women's voices and real life comments from all of you...

Have a nice day xxxx

FindMeAPixie Sat 31-Jan-15 11:12:56

How old are your DCs? Are they at school yet?

I moved house 2 years ago - it did take probably a year for the first proper social interaction from new school mums to happen. I had to make an effort beforehand though - to try and chat a bit at the school run, walk up to a group of mums and join in a bit. I now meet with several for coffee once a fortnight and part of a monthly book club (I cried when I go home after being asked to join the book club - it felt like a real breakthrough).

Do you have any hobbies etc? What are you doing at the moment to try and make friends?

It can only happen if you are "out there" a bit. So tell us your "now" and we maybe able to offer some experiences/advice.

flowers

Dragonfly71 Sat 31-Jan-15 11:16:13

I have had ups and downs in terms of friendships, and for a little while was really lonely. Gradually I managed to build a few new friendships and it kind of snowballed. I think I was quite low at the time and it was hard to trust that people really wanted to be friends!
Maybe tell us a bit more about your situation and I'm sure people will have lots of suggestions.
Got to go shopping now (yawn) but will check back later smile

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sat 31-Jan-15 11:17:40

This makes me sad for you. Where abouts are you? I met friends through my NCT groups, a music class that my DS goes too and one lovely friend who is a neighbour with a baby the sane age as mine

I have a just two year old and a just 12 month old. It was quite hard (still is!) taking them both out but particularly when DD was tiny. I met one very nice friend when I had to randomly ask her to hold newborn DD whilst I wrangled DS!

Have you looked on Mumsnet local for meet ups near you? flowers

Rachie1986 Sat 31-Jan-15 11:18:25

No advice as I'm in a similar situation really.. Just feel I dont really have many friends. so am watching with interest for suggestions :-)

curlyweasel Sat 31-Jan-15 11:18:26

Jillysbookclub on Facebook - was set up by some mners in the same boat. X

rocketnot Sat 31-Jan-15 14:36:16

Where abouts are you? I bet there's people in the same boat!

mrsmootoo Sat 31-Jan-15 14:45:12

It is very hard! It's like being back at school or college yourself and breaking into what seem like established groups. As others have said it's easier to use your children - at playgroups or when they have friends over for playdates and you can meet others mums one to one. At the school gate you can make excuses to talk to people - what's the homework/when's swimming etc. If they're older there's probably a PTA that would be desperate to have you! Your local library or bookshop probably has a book group. Just do everything - you have to drink a lot of coffee with people you may not turn out to stay friends with, but that way you'll get to the ones you do have things in common with. Good luck!

MadameLeBean Sat 31-Jan-15 14:47:49

The MN Social group on facebook was set up by some of us in the same boat

hennybeans Sat 31-Jan-15 16:28:28

I find it easy to make acquaintances, people to say hello to on the school run or a brief chat, but really hard to cross that line into friends who plan things together and know each other well.

I think many people just aren't looking for new friends. They have enough, they are busy with life, who knows. A new mum came to our village play group the other week and I was ecstatic! She just moved here and didn't have any other friends so I invited her to another group and introduced her to other mums and really hope we have something in common to be friends.

I have tried to organise social gatherings and hobby nights and a few will be interested but many are 'too busy' or will have something come up at the last minute. Basically, I think they can't be bothered. It can be discouraging.

Two mums who I am borderline friends with were telling me about an activity they were planning with their families and another mum all together and I sooo wanted to be invited to join in, but I didn't want to overstep so I just said how great it sounded and what a good idea. I didn't get invited, but maybe next time!

Friendships are so slow to form and take such work. I think the best thing is to be friendly to others and try where you can, and just keep plodding along trying to seize new opportunities.

btfly2 Sat 31-Jan-15 22:19:07

Thank you so much for your time and the replies.
It was my first post ever! Its so nice to realize that many people are on similar situations.

I have more questions for all of you but let's leave it for tomorrow, thanks again to those who answered, nite nite xxx

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