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To be offended by these comments?

(14 Posts)
Fanfeckintastic Sat 31-Jan-15 09:51:52

Please tell me there is a quiet way to combat these sort of comments or am I just being over sensitive, they ruin my nights out and make me nervous talking to new/drunk people for fear of what they'll come out with.

I was at a gig recently with DP and felt great, I'm a size 16/18 but I like my shape (not my size) and feel I dress to suit me etc. We got talking to this girl and she was raving about how beautiful I was and telling DP how lucky he was to have me etc. Although I found it a bit embarrassing I was really flattered but then she came out with "you should model for simply be" blush

I know I'm plus size but it really grates on me when someone has to comment like this. The same thing happened years ago with an old boyfriend when we were out and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. I don't embrace my size at all and I hate terms like "big and beautiful" etc I'd much rather have nobody comment at all than to tell me how beautiful I am then in the same breath mention plus size modelling, curvy women, real women etc.

I'm overweight, I totally envy women who do embrace being plus size but I don't and it really ruins my whole night when I hear these comments.

I also can't help but wonder, are these comments really out of innocence or do these people not know in the back of their heads that they could offend?

Dosydoly Sat 31-Jan-15 09:56:13

I really don't think they're meant to offend It sounds like a compliment to me smile

betweenmarchandmay Sat 31-Jan-15 09:58:01

It's patronising and I wouldn't like it either. (Not that I could be any sort of model!)

I'm sure some people will say you are over sensitive but I would not like it at all.

wheresthelight Sat 31-Jan-15 09:58:43

I think yab a little u although I understand why. she was trying to be nice and your own insecurity has caused the offence not her comments.

tobysmum77 Sat 31-Jan-15 09:59:29

I think it's a compliment. I'd love to have the beauty and shape to be a plus size model. But I can also see what you mean, although plus size models are never actually particularly big are they?

Twitterqueen Sat 31-Jan-15 10:00:01

I think your post is contradictory. You say you like your shape and the way you dress, and that you feel good when you are out.

But when someone compliments you on your appearance - ie your shape and your dress - you are offended.

betweenmarchandmay Sat 31-Jan-15 10:02:23

It's when you draw attention to something specific. Especially weight - which come on, is ALWAYS taboo!

My friend has a mixed race DD and gets similarly fed up with remarks about her 'beautiful' hair.

maddening Sat 31-Jan-15 10:02:37

Yanbu - people should just stop commenting on size - whether slim or otherwise - a - you don't know the persons reasons for their size ( anorexia/food addiction/medical circumstances) b- you don't know how the person feels about their size/weight c- it's rude and fuck all to do with anyone else.

Fanfeckintastic Sat 31-Jan-15 10:04:23

twitter I just mean I personally like my shape, I would love my own shape but a few stone lighter. I think I make the most out of myself as much as possible, like I'd rather just be seen as normal, standard etc than plus size (which I know I am) but I just hate that people think it's okay to comment on my size just because they're giving a compliment too.

middleagedbread Sat 31-Jan-15 10:08:24

OP, I'm a 'plus size' too but because my face looks like the back of a bus I never get compliments like this (lucky, eh). I can understand why you might be hmm about them though. However, there's not a lot you can do except take a deep breath and change the subject as soon as possible. The comments are meant well so it would be a shame if you continued to let them spoil your evenings out.

betweenmarchandmay Sat 31-Jan-15 10:12:15

She isn't choosing to let them. Her feelings were hurt.

You can control how you react to someone but choosing how you feel about it is another matter.

Fanfeckintastic Sat 31-Jan-15 10:15:09

I would really like to think they're meant well but I think my own insecurity is blurring it a bit for me.

I have a few friends who are more realistic about they're size and would be thrilled, but I just don't ever want people to make mention of it ever. They've no idea how much weight issues have mentally plagued me since a very young age but I suppose that's just it, they've no idea so it's unfair to assume they mean to be malicious. It's just so irritating!

TwoOddSocks Sat 31-Jan-15 11:48:28

YANBU. I don't like people commenting on my appearance really. Even if it's complimentary and well intentioned, it feels like judgement and often I think they're doing because they feel like I don't get complimented much so might appreciate it more. I don't have advice about how to avoid it bothering me, but if I tend to change the subject quite quickly when it comes up.

hackmum Sat 31-Jan-15 11:52:06

Oh, it's one of those compliments with a sting in the tail, isn't it? You think she's saying something nice - and then: ouch! Really she could have just said "you could be a model" and that would have been fine.

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