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To say "I am never giving present lists to again"?

(116 Posts)
chimneybee Fri 30-Jan-15 12:25:30

Members of our family have asked what DS wants for birthday. I have told them what he wants, gifts are uncontroversial and inexpensive and he hasn't asked for a lot for his birthday just identified a few things he really wants. His birthday is in a couple of days and I've found out that some people have either bought something else or haven't got round to buying them yet. DS will be really disappointed if he doesn't get these things, as I said he's not asked for much but these were important to him. If I'd have known this I would have bought them myself, DH said BIL will buy him what I said he wanted but it's likely he won't give it to him for another month when we next see him. I feel annoyed with myself as the same thing happened at Christmas and I should have learnt from that, I'm not trying to dictate what they buy DS but they had asked what to get him, why do that if you then ignore it or it means that he won't get something he's been desperate for a month or so?

GinGinGin Fri 30-Jan-15 12:27:32

Maybe they couldn't get the items. Whatever though, it's not really the end of the world and anyway surely it'll then teach him that you don't always get what you want.

shakemysilliesout Fri 30-Jan-15 12:30:07

People forget/ don't realise the importance/ have a better idea. They probably just ask for ideas.

What to do? Well life isn't fair, gifts are gifts and this is a good life lesson to learn. He can say thanks.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple Fri 30-Jan-15 12:30:30

Then you should have put generic items on the lists to others and picked yourself what DS wanted to ensure he got it. I use lists as a guide not a demand.

Jackie0 Fri 30-Jan-15 12:31:28

Maybe they just wanted ideas as a starting point.

shakemysilliesout Fri 30-Jan-15 12:31:41

Next time someone asks just say'use your best judgement but he loves stickers/ Lego / chcolate. Whatever.

Heels99 Fri 30-Jan-15 12:33:56

Asking what he may
want is not a commitment to buy that item. Get him the things he really wants yourself and give additional,ideas to others. I ask for ideas but often end up getting something else, I don't feel committed to buying something just because I asked for a suggestion!

TheFecklessFairy Fri 30-Jan-15 12:34:48

I had a present list for me for Christmas - it had 3, yes only 3, items on it. I got 7 boxes of chocolates, and the other 2 items were ignored.

Kachan Fri 30-Jan-15 12:35:23

It's unreasonable to provide a list and then not tell the people you give it to the level of importance attached to the items requested. If you didn't do that and you provided the list with no guidance then you really can't complain.

DidoTheDodo Fri 30-Jan-15 12:38:07

I'm in the " be grateful your son has people who care enough to get him a present" camp. Otherwise it sounds a bit demanding and grabby to me.

chimneybee Fri 30-Jan-15 12:39:11

The items were available, they were on an Amazon list as requested, maybe they have thought these were just suggestions but they had specifically asked what they could buy and asked me to do this after I'd given vague suggestions, I thought I had explained the significance. He will say thanks, he's a polite boy but he didn't ask for much and I think it's not unreasonable that he should get these things for his birthday. I'll have to buy them myself but it's frustrating because I'd spent what I'd budgeted on alternative presents because I thought other people were getting him these particular things. Oh well lesson learnt I won't do it again.

christmaspies Fri 30-Jan-15 12:39:34

op are you placing an order or providing suggestions? Surely people don't have to buy what's on the list and dc shouldn't be led to believe they are definitely going to get what they want. That's the way I see it.

chimneybee Fri 30-Jan-15 12:43:12

Aww FecklessFairy that's pants, I hope you can get those two presents as a treat for yourself. It's not that I'm ungrateful that people are buying presents, it's kind and we reciprocate, it's just frustrating because they asked what he wanted, beyond my initial, generic suggestions.

HiImBarryScott Fri 30-Jan-15 12:46:09

Some people will come on here & say that you are being grabby, but I completely understand where you are coming from and think YANBU.

I had exactly the same issue at Christmas with DS's much wanted and never received ninja turtles.

From now on, the only suggestions I will give to people (and I only give suggestions if they ask!) are for toys that are not going to be the favourite things

chimneybee Fri 30-Jan-15 12:46:55

DS knows that he doesn't always get what he wants, that's a lesson highlighted to him all year but I feel on his birthday (he's 8) he should get his modest requests. I think it'd be hard on a child to see why they've got a present when there was another of equivalent value that they'd been desperate for and asking for months that they could have had instead.

Stormingateacup Fri 30-Jan-15 12:48:12

Can you take back the alternative presents you bought to free up the money to buy the ones he wants?

chimneybee Fri 30-Jan-15 12:55:55

I could Teacup but I'd have to ask for the receipts and I was more having a rant on here rather than wanting to make an issue out of this with the people giving the gifts, I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings, I don't think they've done this in a malicious way. I'd have to weave a rather tangled web of excuses about why I wanted to return them unless I just tell them the truth which I think will inevitably sound like I'm having a go.

In general, I think it is best only to promise those presents you yourself are going to buy - that way there is no risk of disappointment. In the past, when relatives have asked me what the dses would like, I have tended to tell them things I know the boys would like, but without telling the boys that Auntie X might be buying it for them - again, reducing the risk of disappointment.

I do think it makes sense to give relatives some idea of what the child might like - for example, when I asked my godson's mother what he'd like for christmas, she told me he is really into a particular range of Lego - but that he'd love anything from that range - so I was able to choose something within my price range, and know he'd be happy - and I am sure he didn't know in advance that I was buying him Lego - so no risk of disappointment or of me spending a lot of money on something I think he might like but that he actually doesn't like or already has.

But I think it is better, if possible, for the child not to have a long list of things they think they are getting. By all means talk to them about things they might like, but be clear that they might get these things, but they might not.

5Foot5 Fri 30-Jan-15 12:57:35

Did you give each person who asked the same list?

I just wondered whether they were put off buying things on the list if they were very specific things you wouldn't want two of and they couldn't be sure that someone else would get them.

For example, if I was given a list containing a book title and I knew several people had been given the same list I would be wary of bying the book in case someone else got it as well.

ourglass Fri 30-Jan-15 13:01:25

I think it's best you don't do it again.

If there are things your child specifically wants, buy them yourself.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers Fri 30-Jan-15 13:04:21

I always make sure that we are buying the things ours really want - or my parents who are reliable and understand small children.

I only ever give generic ideas to anyone else, one of my brothers will often e-mail me a link to one or two things he is then thinking about to double check that we don't already have it.

clairemum22 Fri 30-Jan-15 13:04:33

I understand where you're coming from. Why do people bother asking if they're going to ignore it anyway. I'd buy the stuff myself at least you know he'll get it. And I'm sure children learn you can't always get what you want on an everyday basis, birthdays aren't for life lessons!

TenMinutesEarly Fri 30-Jan-15 13:05:28

I think you need to take a step back. They are buying your ds gifts. They maybe wanted to spend a little more or less than your ideas or thought they had found something better.

It's a gift and should be received gratefully whatever it is.

TenMinutesEarly Fri 30-Jan-15 13:06:51

In future just give them general ideas like lego or anything minion related. Buy the things he really wants yourself.

LokiBear Fri 30-Jan-15 13:07:25

I always buy dd the thing she asks for from me and DH. For other family I make up a list of suggestions based on things she might quite like. They either buy from the list or get something else. Win, win.

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