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To wish that MIL would just fuck off and when she gets there, fuck off a little bit more

(175 Posts)
Fleetfoxes Fri 30-Jan-15 08:46:19

I really am at the end of my tether with MIL!! She's so controlling. I've just had the mother of all rows with her due to my washing being out on the washing line for, shock horror, two whole days (due to a busy working life). What has it got to do with her anyway??

She was rooting through our bins the other day to make sure that we were putting all recyclable items in the right bin and completely went off her tits because we had discarded some pizza crusts which is "terrible waste" and we should've eaten them.

She had another ther go because, apparently, DD (20 months) never gets to go outside. She goes outside for a relevant amount of time depending on when I'm not at work and if she's well enough (she's had numerous chest infections and pneumonia last month so no, maybe I don't want her outside all day every fucking day when it's struggling to get above freezing)

She happily chews my lug off but when it comes to her youngest DD (favourite) ohhhhhhh well she can do no wrong. Despite the fact her kids were sat inside all day, everyday on an Xbox through out the glorious spring and summer that we had last year whilst my DD only went inside when it was time to go to bed. She's just said to me "you should take a leaf out of Emma's (N/C) book, her kids get plenty of fresh air". Pffffftttt they must download it then!!

She has a real issue with my DM, accuses her of being lazy and not working (she was a HCA for 20+ years and has recently had to give up due to ill health, momentarily she works in a tea garden). My mum looks very good for her age and in the summer wears, can you believe it, SHORTS! Now, nobody else has a problem with this but MIL thinks it DISCUSTING! Her fashion police radar is going off the fecking wall. She never shuts up about my DM being all fur coat and no knickers (entirely untrue) and has told me that I shouldnt be letting DD spend too much time with her as she's impressionable and last week she was (DD 20 months) stood in MILs doorway dancing, "ugh look at her stood there dancing like that, you're going to be just like your granny" FFS it's what toddlers do you old battle axe. Fucking hell you've bought up 4 kids and lived to see 7 grandchildren grow up through the toddling years have you not learnt anything ?!

She lives just up the street from us and our freezer is on the blink so we are using Hers. I bought all of my freezable items earlier on in the week and most of the meat was from lidl. She has since been through the freezer, rang DP and told him that I should be ashamed of myself buying meat from lidl as I come from a farming family and should be supporting local businesses (which I do as often as I can, when I can afford it but I'm not going to starve my family For the sake of pride)

DP always stands up for me and has told me that she's had control of *Emma and thinks she can do it to everyone else too.

WWYD? Are all MILs like this to some extent?? Am I just being hypersensitive.

PurpleWithRed Fri 30-Jan-15 08:49:36

I would wine while checking out emigration options and/or digging a nice deep hole in the patio.

Delighted DH and you are able to row with her. Do keep the stories coming.

Pagwatch Fri 30-Jan-15 08:49:48

Of course not all MILs are like that , unless you think you and all your friends and everyone on here will be like that in 20 years.
She sounds awful. I would have told her to leave the house if she said anything rude about my mother.

Thisishowyoudisappear Fri 30-Jan-15 08:50:02

Well, she is being U for criticising Lidl, for a start. Disgraceful.

It sounds as if she is very involved in your life. Can you scale it back a bit. Using her freezer is just asking her to comment on your food, for example.

Also, where is your DH in all this?

AlpacaLypse Fri 30-Jan-15 08:50:22

One. get a new freezer, or working second hand, or anything!

Two, change all the locks, get one of those things on the phone so you don't answer when it rings.

Three, move house.

And breathe ...

At least your dp stands up for you!

Flosshilde Fri 30-Jan-15 08:51:16

Tell her to fuck off.

Dawndonnaagain Fri 30-Jan-15 08:51:42

My mother in law would not think to judge me. When she comes round (she always waits for an invitation) she turns up with homemade pies and cakes for the freezer (to help out), helps in the house and has fun with her grandchildren. She is loving and kind and happy that her son has found someone he loves.
I'm afraid it's time you put your foot down, removed any keys from her and only allowed her round at pre agreed times. That or tell her to fuck off to the far side.

PtolemysNeedle Fri 30-Jan-15 08:52:09

No, not all MILs are like this. Why do you continue to engage with yours?

You aren't forced to use her freezer or have anything to do with her, your child can be taken to see her by her father.

I refused to see my MIL, she and DH had no choice but to accept it. It was the best thing I ever did for our relationship, and my blood pressure.

Muskey Fri 30-Jan-15 08:53:44

No advice but just wanted to say I loved the title of the post and the whole rant in fact. Only a mil can give someone that kind of rage. I hope things get better flowers

Lottapianos Fri 30-Jan-15 08:53:54

No not all MILs are like this. She sounds absolutely dreadful OP - rude, insensitive, intrusive, controlling. And she lives just a street away?! Poor you, I'm not surprised you're sick of it. Good for you though for standing up to her and not just taking it.

My advice would be to start seeing a lot less of her, and even to move house if at all possible, but I know thats all easier said than done

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Fri 30-Jan-15 08:54:06

No. Not all mother in laws are like that.

most are decent people. We just don't hear about those.

You really need to insist on some boundaries. When she says these things do you tell her that her input is not required? (not in those words) are there consequences to her for behaving as she does? If not, there need to be otherwise she'll just carry on.

TheFutureMrsB Fri 30-Jan-15 08:56:46

She sounds like a nightmare! I did actually laugh at the downloading fresh air comment though lol!

I think you need to tell her quite firmly to fuck off! wink

Sounds like she's jealous of your DM too.

I don't think anyone would think badly of you if you were to kill her ... Only half joking I think.

emotionsecho Fri 30-Jan-15 08:56:55

No you are not being hypersensitive and no not all MILs are like that. Frankly, I would just cut her out of my life if I were you, it would be no great loss to you or your dd in fact I think it would be better for your dd in the long run.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 30-Jan-15 08:57:03

You're going to have to get a lot better at being assertive and disengaging.

You need new boundaries. No unannounced visits.

Any words of criticism should be met with "I don't listen to criticism from you, if you want a relationship with me you will be nice to me"

Every. single. Time.

Fleetfoxes Fri 30-Jan-15 08:58:44

dawn she sounds lovely. And there no way I'll be like that in 20 years time!! I've learnt from her mistakes.

Ooohhhhh she's such a nasty piece of shit. I've ordered a new fridge/freezer and it's coming today smile I get so excited about white goods it's untrue! DP goes up there, I point blank refuse because there's always some horrible little dig or remark, she just can't help herself!!

DP took the food upto her freezer, I wanted to use my DM's but he said there was no point as MIL lives closer.

He's very understanding about it all and he does stand up for me too.

Caronaim Fri 30-Jan-15 08:59:42

Personally, everytime she says something unacceptable, I would say, "I find that unacceptable".

Don't let her into your house, and don't go to hers. if she asks to see you and DD, say "as long as you don't say anything unacceptable" and if she does, just leave and ignore her for a couple of weeks.

That is, if you want to put the time and energy into "training" her to behave acceptably!

PassMeTheFrazzlesPlease Fri 30-Jan-15 09:05:43

If she is ever rude about your mother or your parenting again, tell her to leave your house immediately.

I feel angry on your behalf! You can just walk to the door, open it, and say "Your behaviour is unacceptable, you need to leave now".

You can't let your DD grow up seeing, and hearing, the way this awful woman behaves towards you.

Fleetfoxes Fri 30-Jan-15 09:06:24

I do retaliate, whether that makes thing better or worse IDK but it certainly didn't get any better when I used to sit in the corner and squeak like a timid little mouse.

I've found my voice with her over the last couple of years certainly. If I'm honest, I think she needs a good shag. (Did I just TYPE that out loud)

But yeah, I try and see the funny side of most things and I suppose this thread is kind of half light hearted but don't get me wrong sometimes, when I walk out of my front door I half expect the washing wankers, dustbin dickheads, fresh air fanatics and food waster whiners to be on my case.

ohtheholidays Fri 30-Jan-15 09:06:41

I would go mental if anyone had ever dared speak about my Mum like that no matter who they were.

I'd go NC if I was you.

My DH loved my Mum and she loved him,she called him her son not her son in law.Sadly we lost her last April and he misses her as much as I do.

His Mum,my Mil isn't horrible she's just a complete opposite to my Mum,a real cold fish.Which is a shame.

Fleetfoxes Fri 30-Jan-15 09:08:08

frazzles I told her this morning that I won't let my DD or DSD see her talk to me and undermine me like I'm a little kid EVER.

DixieNormas Fri 30-Jan-15 09:11:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostinthecanvas Fri 30-Jan-15 09:13:33

Once you've made your fortune from the downloading fresh air idea you can move further away.

capsium Fri 30-Jan-15 09:16:32

What bizarre behaviour from your MiL! I think you will just have to tune out everything she says. (Can you wear discreet head phones when spending time with her? grin)

Honestly her accusations and interference are so nonsensical you cannot honestly take them to heart OP. I would see her for the bare minimum. Not engage in conversation with her. Not tell her anything. Be polite as possible.

Just do this. Don't tell her about the why, she would just argue. Ignore any criticism...blank it. Imagine it is white noise. Hopefully she'll give up.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Fri 30-Jan-15 09:17:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longdistance Fri 30-Jan-15 09:20:18

If my mil talked about my DM like that she wouldn't be alive.

Why do you tolerate this shit? Do more than tell her to fuck off.

You need to bite back, and put the old witch in her place.

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