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To be frustrated with my brothers

(21 Posts)
MrsRayOfSunshine Wed 28-Jan-15 14:14:55

Hey everyone! But of back story first, I have a ds who is 15 months and a dd who I just had 6 weeks ago.

I have 3 brothers who I was very close to growing up, I was the youngest and only girl, and they were all very protective and always looked out for me. But over the years I seem to be excluded from everything, I do think it's because I'm a lot younger but they see each other on regular basis but never try to come and see me, we literally live 10 mins away from eachother, and I'm getting fed up of trying to arrange things just to keep getting a no.

The thing that's really bothering me is that in the 6 weeks since dd was born not one of them has been to see us, my dps have, and all of dh family have numerous times. They all have 2 children each and I have always made sure I go and meet the new little one, and give mum and baby a present.

t's starting to really get to me, I've had to stop dh calling them to tell them off because he knows how much this is really hurting me.

Should I just forget it and stop trying to make the effort, or aibu to call them up and have a good old rage at them?

Any advice welcome smile

MomOfTwoGirls2 Wed 28-Jan-15 14:38:42

Have a word with your Mom, let her know you are disappointed. She'll probably set them straight for you?

MrsRayOfSunshine Wed 28-Jan-15 14:42:19

I have had a word with my mum, she said it's just because it's my second baby there's not so much of a fuss made, safe to say I got pretty angry at that comment.

flora717 Wed 28-Jan-15 14:46:38

They're your brothers. Can you not take a direct "oi, come and adore your neice" line?

LadyLuck10 Wed 28-Jan-15 14:47:48

Yanbu it's pretty bad of them not to find the time in 6 weeks. I suggest you speak to them directly.

GraysAnalogy Wed 28-Jan-15 14:47:53

Agree with flora why can't you just give them a ring, give them a little rib about not coming sooner then see if you can make plans?

DoJo Wed 28-Jan-15 14:48:47

One of my brothers hasn't met my three year old son! I think you have to either sit them down and explain how hurt you are, or accept them for what they are and base your relationship on the things you love about them.

In fairness, I find it a lot harder to get excited about second babies - first ones are such a huge shock to the system and it's natural for people to flock around to see it and find out how they are getting on, whereas second ones seem to slot in better and are more 'part of the family' as soon as they arrive IYSWIM - I'm sure your mum didn't mean anything bad by it. Most people I know even found their own second pregnancy and birth less interesting than their first (not the children themselves though, of course! grin)).

Dontstepinthecowpat Wed 28-Jan-15 14:53:24

My SIL is the youngest, only girl of three boys. The boys can be hard on her I think but their DF made a big difference of his little princess that has unfortunately grated on them as they have grown older. However, I'm sure that's not the case for you and it might just be them being busy/January dark nights (did you not see them over the festive period) etc.

On the other hand while I know DH wouldn't be particularly bothered about making the effort I would be desperate to meet my niece and would have been round helping and with gifts.

Congratulations on your new baby smile

MrsRayOfSunshine Wed 28-Jan-15 14:54:37

I have tried when she was 4 weeks old, I phoned the eldest, who had my other two brothers at his house with their partners for dinner, (again felt excluded) and explained its been a whole month and I really would like to see you all, and tried to make plans, they all said they would be round the following weekend, but nobody turned up after me phoning them all, with no answer, I'm starting to feel like the annoying little sister that nobody wants to play with again, I think that's why I want to give up trying and just accept that I won't be as close to them as they are to each other

Quitelikely Wed 28-Jan-15 14:56:08

I wonder if there is some family resentment towards you? Or maybe they don't like your dh?

It's odd they keep away from you but not each other. Chances are there is something they don't like.......

MrsRayOfSunshine Wed 28-Jan-15 14:56:47

Thank you cowpat smile and no, I only saw my parents over Christmas from my side, but they spent Christmas Day together...

Quitelikely Wed 28-Jan-15 14:57:41

That's even worse that they all go for dinner.

What about your SiLs? Maybe they have issues with you?

There is always a reason for these things

BackforGood Wed 28-Jan-15 15:00:43

Does sound odd that they are so close, as 3 couples, to meet for dinner at each others houses, but then not manage to find time in 6 weeks to come and meet you - I'm wondering, like others if maybe they either don't like / get on with your dh, or if their wives don't like/get on with you ? Is there more to this than just this lack of visiting ?

MrsRayOfSunshine Wed 28-Jan-15 15:01:04

I really have no idea, that's why i can here hoping you ladies could help clue me in.

I used to be very close with one of my sil's and she still texts me on a regular basis, and have had no issues with other sil's, the only think o can think of is they are all in to watching football, drinking beer, and playing play station, where as my DH doesn't like football, or drink, or even own a games console, so I guess they don't have a lot in common

BarbarianMum Wed 28-Jan-15 15:03:51

Do they have children of their own? Are they interested in babies? I think you should try and detach their feelings for you (I'm sure they love you very much) to their interest in visiting you. IME men meet up with siblings/friends to 'do' something -go to the pub/football/cinema/bird watching/build a shed etc - rather than sit around and chat at home. In between times virtually no contact seems the norm (dh is supposedly close to his brother but will also go quite happily for months without seeing/speaking to him).

MomOfTwoGirls2 Wed 28-Jan-15 15:09:47

I have to admit that I get together with my sisters regularly, but only get together with my brothers on special occasions. My brothers are lovely, but I just don't have that much in common with them.

Can you talk to SIL that texts? Maybe ring her instead of texting, and drop into the conversation that you would like your brothers and their families to meet your new DD?

MrsRayOfSunshine Wed 28-Jan-15 15:46:16

Yes they have they're own children and we did meet up for play dates and such when it was just my DS, and I'm just off the phone to my sil which was hard for me, as I have anxiety and hate confrontation, but she was lovely and said she's desperate to come up but my brother keeps making plans with his friends, but we have arranged a take away this weekend, so hopefully it will go ahead

reup Wed 28-Jan-15 17:06:49

My bil didn't see my second child till 3 months old! They have got more and more useless over the years.

LongDistanceLove Wed 28-Jan-15 17:29:26

I'm the youngest of four, and have three elder brothers, I am estranged from them all, I couldn't tell you where they live/work/even if they are married.

There was no bust up as far as I'm aware, just that they've all always seen themselves to be 'better' than our parents and me.

I did ask before christmas, what the problem was, and got nothing but a 'if you don't understand, you never will' hmm righteo.

Sometimes families are strange.

MrsRayOfSunshine Wed 28-Jan-15 20:53:57

I do agree that families are strange, and men in general so maybe I should just stop having a reaction to it and just let it be smile

ColdCottage Wed 28-Jan-15 20:56:34

Email them all and make them feel guilty by how much they have upset their little sister. Bad boys, their partners should also know better.

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