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To think that my fiancé should be able to get up on time without me?

(20 Posts)
alliebongo93 Tue 27-Jan-15 07:34:21

My fiancé has a hard time waking up on a morning. His alarm goes off at 6 and, even with the best of intentions to get out of bed straight away, he will fall asleep again almost straight away...
In order for him to wake up I have to (at his request) get out of bed and switch the big light on, then jolly him along which means that I'm up for the day aswell even if DS (who I will have been up with in the night) isn't awake yet. I'm 6 weeks pregnant with #2 and this really isn't helping with morning sickness either!

AIBU to think he should be able to manage on his own? Feels like I'm dragging a teenager out of bed for school!

simontowers2 Tue 27-Jan-15 07:55:11

Is he a man or a five year old child? Stop pandering to him. If he sleeps in he sleeps in. Not your problem.

MrsKCastle Tue 27-Jan-15 08:02:40

Yanbu. He's an adult, he can find a way to get himself up. He's being incredibly selfish expecting you to get up when you don't have to.

HemlockStarglimmer Tue 27-Jan-15 08:03:24

Yes he should. He sounds like my ten year old and while I'm willing to help her I would not be doing it for an adult unless I was getting up at the same time anyway.

But be prepared, if he does start getting himself up at that time he may well make so much noise that you will be disturbed as well.

musicalendorphins2 Tue 27-Jan-15 08:13:37

What would he do if you were not there? Perhaps he should go to bed earlier!

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 27-Jan-15 08:20:28

Did he get himself up for the day before he met you, when he was single? If yes, he can do it again. If no, why not? You're enabling him to behave like a child so stop mothering him. Tell him it stops today and tomorrow he gets himself up. If he doesn't he'll be late for work. No doubt he'll say it's your fault if he's then late for work but that will just show how little responsibility he takes for himself. I couldn't live with such a selfish little boy and quite frankly I don't know how you've put up with it for so long. You need to make some changes here because he won't, and the fact that you've posted tells us that this bothers you and it needs to change.

minibmw2010 Tue 27-Jan-15 08:23:47

That's ridiculous ... Don't do it, let him be late for work a few times, he'll soon figure it out and make sure he knows he needs to be quiet too! My DH gets up at 5 and the first I know of it is when he whispers 'bye honey have a good day' to me about 6 while I grunt bye bye and then go back to sleep!

DollyMcDolly Tue 27-Jan-15 08:25:39

I wouldn't wake him up. If he is late, his fault.

SandStorm Tue 27-Jan-15 08:33:14

Do you have a spare room you could sleep in? If so, leave him and put the alarm for him on very loud somewhere where he will have to get out of bed to turn it off. Maybe even use two or three alarms so by the time he's done them all, he's wide awake. Do this for a couple of days and see if it makes a difference.

Alternatively, try this with him sleeping on the sofa if you don't have a comfy spare room - I'm not putting his comfort above yours!

PixieofCatan Tue 27-Jan-15 08:52:17

Getting up is his responsibility. Dp and I both struggle with getting up, for us it was a case of having alarms every two minutes for 20minutes no matter what time we went to bed the night before. If it helps, we found a sunlight alarm worked wonders. Now even when I sty at work I naturally start waking up at the time our clock would usually wake us.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Tue 27-Jan-15 08:56:24

Id just leave him. No one (in the absence of health reasons) can't get up. They can only choose not to get up. He needs to learn the consequence of his actions. Sleep in the spare room if you've got one.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Tue 27-Jan-15 08:56:42

I mean leave him to get himself up, not LTB wink

expatinscotland Tue 27-Jan-15 08:58:59

And you procreated with this lazy excuse for an adult?

Dear god.

I'd sleep with your son.

RowRowRowCrocodileScream Tue 27-Jan-15 09:02:35

He is being unreasonable relying on you to do this. YANBU but until you stop helping him to get up in this way he is unlikely to be very motivated to make more of an effort himself. OPS, you don't say why time he goes to bed but perhaps he needs to go earlier if he is struggling so much in the morning.

Be nice about it but explain the effect it is having on you and that he needs to get himself up (then stick to it).

mummymeister Tue 27-Jan-15 09:07:00

Man. Up. both of you. just don't do it. he lays in bed and goes back to sleep because he can. all the time you do this he will carry on. the only way to stop it is for you to stop. tell him today that you will not get him up in the morning. he either gets up himself or is late for work. Honestly, I cannot believe the shit that some people are prepared to put up with.

alliebongo93 Tue 27-Jan-15 09:17:10

Glad people agree. He is being childish and I think I needed to hear you all say it.
The reason I bother doing it is because a member of my family got him this job, and I don't really fancy being stuck in he middle of the awkward/embarrassing situation of him being late every day. The rest of the time he is a very kind and considerate partner and a brilliant dad, this is just my one (rather annoying) bug bear hmm
I'll have to try and have a word with him about it when he gets home tonight

JontyDoggle37 Tue 27-Jan-15 09:24:30

Get him to set multiple alarm clocks, and put one of them on the far side of the room, so HE has to get out if bed to turn it off. Then he's up. Simples.

MoanCollins Tue 27-Jan-15 09:25:11

I have to say I have some sympathy for him because I have the same problem. And it's really not laziness I swear. Has he had his thyroid tested because I know that it can often be the underlying cause of this sort of problem. Have you thought of getting one of those daylight clocks which gradually brings on light, they can be helpful. Otherwise he might need to set multiple alarms on his mobile but these will wake you too.

I think some of the people on here are being a bit harsh because they've not experienced this problem. I have a grip on it now, partly because my husband understands and is supportive and partly because through trial and error I've managed to find things that work. But it was really hurtful and not helpful when people were harsh and called me lazy. I wasn't conciously being lazy or making a decision to wake up, I was honestly asleep so deeply that I wasn't coming into conciousness enough to actually knowingly make a decision and it was very hard being blamed for something I had no control over. Honestly I have slept through hurricanes, earthquakes and most memorably a car ram raiding the convenience store under my flat!

alliebongo93 Tue 27-Jan-15 09:30:59

I think I'll have a look at these daylight alarm clocks. setting multiple alarms isn't really an option as he'd have to have them on very very loud in order for him to even stir. DS's room is just across the hallway and the alarms would probably wake him up too which would mean I'd have to get up anyway and have a grumpy child to boot...it all just seems really ridiculous!

Meemoll Tue 27-Jan-15 10:35:39

My dp is rubbish at getting up, and occasionally moans that I have to help him wake up, which really gets up my nose. So he puts his alarm on far enough away from the bed so he has to get out of bed to turn it off and then it is on snooze so he can't properly fall back to sleep. Generally our kids are awake by then so they come in and turn the light on, and so although he tries to fall back to sleep he generally can't due to kids fighting/light on/snooze going off/me talking at him - although to be fair he has fallen asleep mid conversation before but don't get me started on that!! Good luck op!

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