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To be upset at finding out DH has been searching out his female coworkers' profiles on FB for God knows what

(87 Posts)
Menarefrommarzipan Mon 26-Jan-15 17:43:32

I discovered this while his account was open and happened across his search history (I know, I know, bad idea-- but his password is no secret between us. I just don't think he's aware you have a search history on there... but I digress) These women aren't his FB "friends", but they all work at the same company as he does (it's a very big company, they're not even in the same field/department so it's unlikely their paths even remotely cross during the workday) They're a handful of early 30s women, all blonde and for ease of description, "hot"- I'm brunette, early 40s, and prob wouldn't described as "hot" , I mean I'm not horrible looking- have been called "pretty" at times... I'm shaking typing this--we've been together for almost 20 years, married for over 10-- I know men have needs and I imagine he's using these pics as inspiration for wank sessions. Guys have to do what they have to do- I get it- but I'm seething at the idea that these are REAL WOMEN he has been admiring/happened to notice in the office at one point. I could possibly see one of them at one of his work parties, who knows. It's creepy and gross, imo.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Mon 26-Jan-15 17:46:10

It is.

What has he had to say about it?

ShatnersBassoon Mon 26-Jan-15 17:47:42

I know men have needs and I imagine he's using these pics as inspiration for wank sessions.

Are you kidding? He's just a nosy sod, like most people who use facebook.

Mandatorymongoose Mon 26-Jan-15 17:47:46

I'm sorry you're so upset. Maybe he's just being nosey? I look up all sorts of people on Facebook sometimes but not because I'm fantasising about them.

Why don't you talk to him about it and see what his explanation is?

ApocalypseThen Mon 26-Jan-15 17:48:11

You're making a lot of excuses for him. What he's doing would doubtless make at least some of those women very uncomfortable and he does not need to do it.

Pandora37 Mon 26-Jan-15 17:48:26

Why do you think he's using them for wank sessions? What sort of pictures are they?

Tyzer85 Mon 26-Jan-15 17:49:48

He's probably being nosey, I've looked up people before and they definitely were not for wanking inspiration.

Rivercam Mon 26-Jan-15 17:50:34

It may be totally innocent. He may have been on facebook, thought who shall I look up, and then looked up everyone in turn. I know I have looked up random people in the past, out of idle curiosity, rather then anything suspicious.

Has he done anything else to make you suspicious? If it were a one- off, then i shouldn't worry. If it was frequent, or his habits change, or he becomes secretive about his phone, then I would worry.

chrome100 Mon 26-Jan-15 17:51:25

Er - what? he's probably just being nosey. I have looked up colleagues on FB in idle moments out of curiosity, male and female. You are being strange.

rollonthesummer Mon 26-Jan-15 17:52:27

What a very paranoid post!

I've searched for people I work with (men and women) because I am nosy, not for any other reasons!

iklboo Mon 26-Jan-15 17:52:46

If DH looked at my search profile he would find mainly blokes. Ones I work with, ones I used to work with. Nothing sinister, I just had a lot of male friends when I was younger.

TheWitTank Mon 26-Jan-15 17:53:21

Another saying it might be totally innocent nosiness. I've absolutely looked up work colleagues now and again -I've definitely never wanked over them. Ew.

saoirse31 Mon 26-Jan-15 17:54:23

You sound v paranoid tbh. who doesn't look up colleagues on Facebook. unless you've some other reason to worry

Larrytheleprechaun Mon 26-Jan-15 17:55:34

I mean this in the nicest possible way OP but that is a very paranoid post. Unless there is a big back story (is there?) of him cheating or you not being able to trust him, they you are very much over reacting. I am on facebook and have often snooped at other peoples profiles and have no intention of either cheating or wanking over them.

wink1970 Mon 26-Jan-15 17:56:20

I'll confess to looking at some of my colleagues on FB as well - a few are good looking and some eye candy is welcome in-between excel sheets sometimes. I then turn off the laptop and snuggle DH. I'm not interested in being unfaithful.

If you think this is more nefarious though, you should just ask him outright. The lack of password says you have a good relationship, OP, so fingers crossed that it's nothing worse that window shopping.

Willferrellisactuallykindahot Mon 26-Jan-15 17:58:53

Eeeeeek, I have looked up blokes on Facebook (sort of looked at a friend, then looked at their friends list and thought 'I recognise him' clicked, saw his friends list panicked when i accidentally liked one oftheir photos etc etc) - I wasn't wanking over them, promise guv!

I would definitely talk to your DH before jumping to any conclusions!

cricketballs Mon 26-Jan-15 18:00:05

I will on occasion have a look at colleagues profiles who I'm not 'friends' with, especially when there is gossip about something grin; at no point am I doing it for sexual reasons, just being nosey

lillamyy1 Mon 26-Jan-15 18:00:43

Has he looked up other people from work or just these women? If it's just the women, you ANBU. I would feel exactly the same. You should definitely ask him about it and gauge his reaction.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 26-Jan-15 18:01:58

Wow. Wouldn't cross my mind to be upset if dh had had a nosy at someone's fb profile. Why is it creepy and gross?

Misspickle1 Mon 26-Jan-15 18:03:16

I will keep quiet then grin
Paranoid my arse op!
I do had trust issues to be fair though.
Sorry. I will leave. I'm no help.

usualsuspect333 Mon 26-Jan-15 18:04:32

He's probably just being nosey.

I would't worry about it.

Hatespiders Mon 26-Jan-15 18:05:05

I don't know much about Facebook and all that, but my dh has shown me one or two of his female colleagues, from the school where he's a cleaner, linking up with him on Facebook. They're all very attractive (but even a camel would be better looking than me at seventy, too fat and with scraggy white hair!! grin) He sits in our study tapping away some evenings but I don't mind one little bit. It's totally innocent, in fact I think it's rather nice for him.

Op you're reading far too much into this. Your dh will get very angry if you poke your nose into all his internet business. Most people would hate that.
And as for thinking he's using these ladies' photos for wanking....what a horrid idea! hmm
Please have some trust, unless you have anything more suspicious to go on, and give the chap a break.

FightOrFlight Mon 26-Jan-15 18:05:29

You are suspicious of him because he's being nosy yet you found this out by accessing his account and looking at his search history. Can you not see the irony here?

I look up all kinds of people on FB but never for wanking purposes.

If the women have their pics set to private then there's nothing for him to see anyway. If they have them set to public and are getting their mammaries out then I can see your point.

< goes off to look up random colleagues >

m0therofdragons Mon 26-Jan-15 18:06:35

I looked my new boss up on fb.definitely don't fancy him just being nosy.

Viviennemary Mon 26-Jan-15 18:07:06

I agree he's just being nosey when he's bored. I tend to be a suspicious type but can't really see that this would raise suspicions about some kind of infidelity.

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