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To go on a honeymoon without my son

(83 Posts)
SleeplessSeattle Mon 26-Jan-15 10:35:15

My partner and I are getting married next year, and I'm booking the holiday as a surprise (he knows we're going ofc but where/how long is a surprise for him). We currently have a four month old son, so he'll be around 17 months at the wedding. I'd always assumed we'd leave him with my parents/my partners parents, but some of the comments I've been getting from my friends have made me think this isn't okay? For background I was unexpectedly pregnant during my second to last year at university, and we've never gone on holiday just us two as we've never been able to afford it. But with him being so young at the time, he won't remember it and so will be just as happy going to the south of France for a week as opposed to half way round the world, plus the idea of a long haul flight with a toddler doesn't sound fun from what ive seen on here. Is it selfish, given that we have the opportunity to leave him with family, who he sees regularly, to go on holiday without him whilst he's still too young to remember.

Roobix04 Mon 26-Jan-15 10:37:33

Of course it's not selfish. A honeymoon is for the couple. Do your friends have kids?

Nolim Mon 26-Jan-15 10:39:23

A trip for 3 is not a honeymoon.

EatShitDerek Mon 26-Jan-15 10:40:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gingergeek Mon 26-Jan-15 10:41:29

We went on our honeymoon without our DD (who was almost 5 at the time).
And we went to Disneyworld blush
(She had been before, and has been since. We're not that bad, honest!)!

Idontseeanysontarans Mon 26-Jan-15 10:43:46

YANBU at all, we took our DS on ours when he was around the same age and ended up having another short honeymoon the following year on our own. It didn't feel quite the same to be honest - do it, he'll be fine smile

maninawomansworld Mon 26-Jan-15 10:45:10

I don't take my 2 year olds on holiday - let alone honeymoon. We have days away and short one or two night breaks in the UK with them but when we go on our proper holidays abroad or to the highlands I leave them with grandparents.

A holiday isn't a holiday if you have an out of routine baby / toddler in tow - it's more of a stressful nightmare where you don't have anything you need to hand or any of your normal support systems in place and you know that things don't get easy until you go home again....
Plus your DS won't enjoy it, all he will know is that he's in a strange place where it is unusually / unbearably hot, his routine is shot to pieces so all he's likely to do is cry and play up.
Leave him, he'll have a nicer time with GP and you'll have a nicer time without him.

CoffeeandNumbers Mon 26-Jan-15 10:46:57

I wouldn't personally. We'd miss her too much. But I imagine I'm in the minority.

Babiecakes11 Mon 26-Jan-15 10:49:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessOfChina Mon 26-Jan-15 10:50:18

We went on honeymoon to NYC last year without our three year old. She had a great time with her grandparents.

bubalou Mon 26-Jan-15 10:51:17

Go without him. It's your honeymoon.

smile

There are some downright self righteous arseholes in the world that think that once they become parents they completely lose their own identity and feel it's up to them to judge other parenting decisions.

Me and DH went on holiday for 5 days when DS was 18 months because we had been with him abroad and he hated it.

flowery Mon 26-Jan-15 10:51:18

It's not selfish from the point of view of him missing out on the holiday, no. I can't possibly imagine being away from my two for that long though. But then I don't have parents/ILs who are saintly/bonkers enough/able to offer that anyway. (I'm assuming you didn't actually just "assume" parents/ILs would look after your DS!)

squoosh Mon 26-Jan-15 10:51:46

Of course YANBU.

youngestisapyscho Mon 26-Jan-15 10:58:20

We always used to have breaks without our kids.. I never get these parents that say they could not bear to spend a night without their children.. I used to leave mine as much as I could! Lol

OllyBJolly Mon 26-Jan-15 10:59:10

YANBU - I think it's VU not to invest time in a couple rather than just be parents all the time. He'll have a great time with the GPs as long as they are fit and willing enough to have him. However, don't underestimate how much you might miss him. I'd suggest not going away for too long or going too far. Being desperate to get back might just take the shine off a fabulous holiday. And if you just take a week then the DPs might be quite willing to repeat it next year!

Congratulations. x

Fishandjam Mon 26-Jan-15 11:01:52

Ooh, do it! I'm just madly jealous that you have rellies you can leave him with envy

flowery Mon 26-Jan-15 11:02:58

"I never get these parents that say they could not bear to spend a night without their children"

Bit of a difference between one night and a long-haul holiday...

CoffeeandNumbers Mon 26-Jan-15 11:03:00

Totally disagree with man
Have taken 19 mth old dd to Florida for two weeks, driven up to Scotland and down to northern Spain with her, and many weekends away. All holidays have been fantastic and not in the least a "stressful nightmare" hmm
Yes you have to take a few more bits, and no you might not do everything on your wish list. But this is life with children, surely?

A holiday wouldn't be a holiday without all my family present for me.

Out of interest....When will you start taking your child on hols man?

SleeplessSeattle Mon 26-Jan-15 11:03:42

Phew. I was slightly scared to check this. No, I'm the first of my friends to have a baby, first out of anyone I know to talk to come to think of it so I do feel like I am doing this a bit blind sometimes.

flowery no both sets have offered, my parents have explicitly said for a honeymoon as my dads retired and my partners parents have said they're more than happy to have him for a week. I know we're so lucky in that respect!

DorothyBastard Mon 26-Jan-15 11:04:44

We left our 18mo DD while we went away on honeymoon to the Carribbean last year. She spent half the week with my parents and the other half with DH's. We skyped most days.

She had a complete whale of a time being spoilt by her grandparents and we had a lovely relaxing, adult week together celebrating our marriage. Like you, we had never gone on holiday just the two of us so it was a rare treat.

HollyBen Mon 26-Jan-15 11:07:09

YANBU. We took DD on our honeymoon when she was 14 months. We had 10 lovely days in Mexico. The flights weren't actually all that bad though i had been dreading them. If it had been an option i would have left her with gps, i would have had to persuade dh though. I would love to go back again just the two of us

Gingergeek Mon 26-Jan-15 11:07:55

Second above though about how much you'll miss them. I was an emotional wreck every time I phoned DD.
Oh and we've been taking our kids abroad from around a year old. I Actually don't think it's any more difficult than organising trips at home. And that includes taking our DS to Florida for three weeks when he was about 17months (along with DD who was 7 at this point).
In fact already got next years trip in the planning stages and we will have three DCs by then (youngest will be just over a year old).

CoffeeandNumbers Mon 26-Jan-15 11:09:12

Wow thread moved quickly.... I clearly am in a minority!
Fwiw, I have left dd overnight on quite a few occasions, but I can't fathom not taking her with us on holiday.

Gingergeek Mon 26-Jan-15 11:11:23

Think a holiday and a honeymoon are different though. I couldn't imagine not taking my kids on holiday, but that's because I have the best fun with my family and love experiencing new places with them.
But I value my couple time with DH and was very thankful we had the chance to have a "proper" child-free honeymoon smile

BitOutOfPractice Mon 26-Jan-15 11:13:27

It's not just holiday is it? It's a honeymoon.

Although even if it was "just" a holiday I'd still say YANBU

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