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AIBU to not understand what the heck is going on

(10 Posts)
imyourhuckleberry Mon 26-Jan-15 09:46:02

I will do my best not to drip feed, but it is quite a long story.

Essentially, known SIL for over 15 years. When she had young kids she seemed very keen on seeing me, I used to go round (at her request) at least once a week for drinks, chat etc. Occaisional nights out. She can be quite verbally aggressive and often makes jokes about how much of a "bitch" she is. She prides herself on "telling it like it is" and can be really catty about other family members.

Both of our situations have changed considerably. She is divorced now, has a new fella (been with for a few years now), she is a SAHM with both kids nearing secondary school age. I had a baby last year and going back to work soon

In the past few years we have seen each other less and less, which is her decision. If I do make plans with her she often cancels. I would imagine that she needed me when her kids were young, and perhaps her marriage was unhappy, and now she is happier and her kids are older she doesn't need my friendship. Fair enough.

but when I do see her, she says how much she wants a relationship with my son, and a better relationship with my DH, her brother. If that is what she wants then surely her cancelling meet ups and rarely seeing us isn't going to help?

Can anyone brighter than me tell me what is going on? I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't like me, but I was good enough when she needed someone.

MrsTawdry Mon 26-Jan-15 10:21:55

She could be depressed...feeling low...or tired. When I have been like that I am apt to cancel meetings with friends. Maybe check she's ok?

addicted2cake Mon 26-Jan-15 10:24:09

I'm sure she does like you! have you tried discussing it with her? telling her how you feel?

imyourhuckleberry Mon 26-Jan-15 10:29:12

I do check in with her via fb or text at least once a week, always ask how she is. Have stressed on occasion that she can always talk to me if she wants. In the past she has told me things in confidence that I have kept to myself, so I would imagine she knows she can trust me.

I can accept if she isn't interested in maintaining the friendship, but I can't listen to her say again and again that she wants to know my son better but then make no effort to see him/us.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 26-Jan-15 10:32:21

She doesn't sound very nice.

imyourhuckleberry Mon 26-Jan-15 11:20:46

I will try addicted, although whenever I see her now, someone else is always there, her kids or her DM. Come to think of it I don't think I have seen her without another person there for over a year!

imyourhuckleberry Mon 26-Jan-15 11:22:32

I think she has a lot of issues Tested, and perhaps her bitchiness is a bit of a defence mechanism. But if she wants distsnce that is whst she will get.

Optimist1 Mon 26-Jan-15 11:35:14

She could be associating you and the confidences she shared with you, with an unhappy time of her life? That might explain her distance of late. But if she wants to maintain good contact with her brother and nephew she's got to accept that you're part of the package, hasn't she? Would your DH arrange a get-together with her and your son (without you) just to see if she's genuine in expressing the need for a closer relationship with them?

imyourhuckleberry Mon 26-Jan-15 13:56:00

Optimist, that is a great idea. To a degree it will call her bluff, or see if she really wants to be a part of our family. You are right that I am part of the psckage, but I am happy to take the odd step out of the picture to help facilitate a better relationship with her in the long run.

Optimist1 Mon 26-Jan-15 18:48:43

Glad you approve, huckleberry ! There's nothing to lose as far as you're concerned, and possibly a more balanced relationship to be gained.

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