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to ask how not to look a pathetic case when you've just been dumped?

(241 Posts)
whothehellknows Mon 26-Jan-15 08:23:10

I can't remember being officially dumped since I was a teenager, and I'm taking it hard. It was a relationship that did need to change or end, but the way he did it felt cold and callous, and I don't feel like it left much room to "just be friends". We're co-workers, so I'm going to have to see the guy on a regular basis. And since he's friends with the "workplace gossip", everybody knew we were seeing each other and will now know that I've been chucked.

I know things will be fine in the long run, but at the moment I'm hurt and having to resist the urge to post passive aggressive facebook statuses (is that a word?) or pierce something or get a drastic haircut just to change the way I feel. It's like I've reverted to my dumped teenage self.

I have to see him at a team meeting (that I have to chair, so can't just sit quietly) and I need to resist the urge to cry or punch him in the face. How do I get through this with poise and dignity?

Fluffyears Mon 26-Jan-15 08:27:35

Oh I've been in your shoes. Just remember your own words 'it had to end or change' remember that if he can be a dick you had a lucky escape. Deep breath, head high it's his loss.

AnyFucker Mon 26-Jan-15 08:30:59

Don't date Co workers ?

I'm sorry you've been dumped but it sounds for the best. Would you feel better if you had been The Dumper ?

patienceisvirtuous Mon 26-Jan-15 08:38:21

Try to just act as if you were never together while you're at work. Bright and breezy and natural.

Who cares about the office gossip? Any ones who thrives on someone else being dumped is very sad and not worth a second thought.

Sorry you were dumped though, it's shit x

patienceisvirtuous Mon 26-Jan-15 08:39:06

*Anyone

whothehellknows Mon 26-Jan-15 08:41:09

It's a couple of years late for the "don't date co-workers" advice, but thanks. When you're upset, it's always useful to be reminded that you've brought it on yourself. hmm

I would feel better if I had been the dumper. I did actually care for the guy and had hoped we could stay friends and still have a positive association with each other.

patienceisvirtuous Mon 26-Jan-15 08:44:04

Lots of couples meet at work smile You didn't bring it on yourself...

AnyFucker Mon 26-Jan-15 08:51:05

I never said you brought it on yourself confused

It does make it more complicated when relationships break down though. Not least because you don't get to lick your wounds in private.

whothehellknows Mon 26-Jan-15 09:13:13

Sorry, things are just a little raw at the moment, so it's easy to take things personally.

Penguinotterfoxbadger Mon 26-Jan-15 09:18:07

What fluffyyears said.

Deep breath, head high. Brazen it out. This too will end.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 26-Jan-15 09:19:08

Shoulders back, tits out, his loss. Then you can crumble in private.

If it wasnt good, then just remember its for the best. If anyone asks, just say "It was for the best"

AnyFucker Mon 26-Jan-15 09:20:05

patience has given you good advice on how to act at work

it's nobody's business but your own

think about your own self and sod everyone else....There will be something else to gossip about soon

is there someone you are friendly with who can stick a bit closer and help to divert any nosy questions ?

whothehellknows Mon 26-Jan-15 09:20:58

It would be too obvious to ring in sick for the meeting, wouldn't it?

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 26-Jan-15 09:25:04

Yeah, also it'll make people think your ashamed, why should you be ashamed.

Cabrinha Mon 26-Jan-15 09:25:13

Chairing the meeting is good! It gives you a focus and a distraction. And you have to front him quickly so you get it over with! See it as positive!

As for gossips... Well, there's not a lot to say. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl don't work out. Gossips like good gossip. Sorry to call your life dull wink but - they'll move on quickly! There's just no mileage. There'll be more interesting things tomorrow.

Take deep breaths love flowers push on through!

Cabrinha Mon 26-Jan-15 09:26:32

Do not call in sick!!!

You are a professional!!!!

You can do this flowers

AnyFucker Mon 26-Jan-15 09:27:11

Yes, it would be too obvious to ring in sick

you are a professional... I would expect you to act accordingly

Cabrinha Mon 26-Jan-15 09:27:34

And... As chair, don't forget to pass a shitty action no-one wants his way grin

flashheartscanoe Mon 26-Jan-15 09:28:38

Very shallow but...
go and get a blow dry and wear your fave outfit. It feels good to know you are looking good.
Sorry this has happened.

DharmaBums Mon 26-Jan-15 09:35:43

Op I've been in your shoes and it's horrid so I really feel for you. Especially the team meeting bit - I was quaking in my boots, but didn't let it show.
Keep your head high, heels even higher and be cheerful and happy. The more you look like you're bothered the more people will gossip. Give it a week of you being normal and they'll gossip about something else.
Good luck! It gets easier I promise and if it doesn't look for another job!

whothehellknows Mon 26-Jan-15 09:42:30

Ok, deep breaths. I suppose part of the reason I'm struggling to separate the emotional stuff from the meeting is that he messaged me about an hour before he dumped me (by phone) to ask if I could bring a couple of his bits that he left at mine to the meeting as he needed them.

It was only after he rang and dumped me that I realized he'd already cleared his stuff out of the bedroom and bathroom while I slept last time he was here, and was messaging me about the couple of bits he had forgotten to grab. He actually DTD, gathered his things while I slept and then rang me a couple days later to finish with me.

So I know at or immediately after the meeting he's going to want to collect these things from my car and return each other's keys, etc.

AnyFucker Mon 26-Jan-15 09:45:06

insist that personal stuff (handing over of keys etc) is done outside of work time

whothehellknows Mon 26-Jan-15 09:47:54

Getting a blowdry is a good idea, I could do with at least looking good even if I don't feel it.

Do I unfriend him on facebook or carry on as if I don't give a shit?

RainbowRabbit33 Mon 26-Jan-15 09:49:33

Agree with the poster who said chairing the meeting is a good thing, you can concentrate on the other members of staff, and when they react normally to you (and they will), it'll give you some confidence to deal with The Dumper. Even if they have heard the "gossip", most will privately feel for you. Everyone has had something like this happen at some point, and very few people will revel in it. I work in a very gossipy office!

And then when you've done it, either find a friend to share your achievement with or come back and tell us. Doing it is an achievement, you deserve to be proud of getting through it, just like if you were doing a job interview. I also recommend all those techniques they tell you about before a job interview, the breathing and suchlike.

Good luck, do it, feel proud that you have done it.

And then don't date any more colleagues! Although I'm hardly one to talk there...!

whothehellknows Mon 26-Jan-15 09:50:36

He'll just be waiting after the meeting to do it. It isn't like an office situation where we'll be on the premises all day, more like an away day so we're all driving to a place just for the meeting.

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