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To hate the men children in the family I've married into?

(20 Posts)
Vijac Sun 25-Jan-15 19:19:41

My fil is just not great company. Not looking forward to the family holiday this year! Went to the park. My 3yo was a bit tired when we got there (I wonder if he's coming down with something actually). Fil trying to play with him but basically that means doing it his 'fun' way rather than letting my son lead the game. Ds throws a mini strop when fil and father are kicking football to each other and he wants to have it. Basically he whines something like 'mine' a bit and sits on the floor. Fil gets cross then removes himself and wanders off looking into the distance. On one hand it's good that he walks away if he can't control his temper, but on the other hand how ridiculous to lose it over something so small and it actually makes it feel really awkward. So the rest of the park trip I played with ds and everyone else stood around looking grumpy. Then ds wanted to throw the ball to the dog, so I said go and ask grandad for the thrower. He nervously sidled over, not keen to ask. Fil didn't look down or anything. Mil said-'ds is trying to ask you something' and he said 'he needs to learn to socialise.' (Oh the irony I thought). Ds said 'grandad doesn't like me sad'. Eventually he asked and got the thrower. Similar incidents like this regularly. It's like treading on eggshells. Aibu to think this is bad behaviour? Would appreciate outsiders views, if you've got this far!

Gavlarrr Sun 25-Jan-15 19:29:13

Tell your other half and get him to speak to his dad. What a chauvinistic miserable old git

Vijac Sun 25-Jan-15 19:53:15

Interesting that you say chauvinistic, what makes you say that? I think my dh has already spoken to him, hence his walking off instead of telling him off/telling dh to tell him off. But bit sure that dh doesn't think that he is partly right and that I'm too soft on 'bad' behaviour. I just think I'm to soft on their bad behaviour. Can't understand how fil can not see that his strips are exactly like a small child's.

DejaVuAllOverAgain Sun 25-Jan-15 20:14:56

Your 3 year old is well 3, of course he's going to strop it's what 3 year olds do. What's your fil's excuse?

YANBU but not entirely sure what you can do because my first thought of 'So do you.' to his comment would probably start WW3.

RandomNPC Sun 25-Jan-15 20:16:32

What a miserable old sod

joanne1947 Sun 25-Jan-15 20:22:50

Fil trying to play with him but basically that means doing it his 'fun' way rather than letting my son lead the game.
Why should your three year old lead the game? He needs to learn to play with others. He is three so should be starting to develop some social skills and not be a spoilt little brat.

Gruntfuttock Sun 25-Jan-15 20:26:16

DejaVuAllOverAgain "Your 3 year old is well 3, of course he's going to strop it's what 3 year olds do. What's your fil's excuse?"

Actually that's a good thing to say to your FIL; very much to the point :- "He's 3, what's your excuse?"

Gruntfuttock Sun 25-Jan-15 20:27:34

What's a thrower, OP?

StayGoldPonyBoy Sun 25-Jan-15 20:27:46

I know what you mean, FIL is like this. He's the type to chuck kids about and shout boo at them etc and go off in a strop if they cry cos he's scaring them, since he's being so super fun and amazing!hmm but YY to your son needing to learn how to play with others. He's 3 and bound to be a bit sulky sometimes, but he needs teaching to share and how to play others games by others rules. Your FIL has no excuse, though.

MoreBeta Sun 25-Jan-15 20:29:34

Well I stopped seeing my father because of similar issues. Its the only solution.

Theboodythatrocked Sun 25-Jan-15 20:32:44

Some people are just better with older children.

You are programmed to love and excuse your own children's behaviour while finding it brattish in other people's kids. ��

He sounds daft but equality it won't hurt your 3 year old to be wrong footed occasionally and learn how to read adults.

Do them both good, don't worry.

I'm guessing your FIL was expecting and hoping that your son would join in with the game and try getting the ball to kick,or whatever. Like many people do.

Why should he lead everything? Try encouraging him to join in with these games

Vijac Sun 25-Jan-15 20:57:19

He is a good kid, never bad feedback from nursery. Lots of invites to play dates etc. Says please and thank you etc. I don't think he's ever had a full on tantrum that I've seen in other kids. He does cry or whine sometimes but it's never lying on the floor wailing or anything longer than around 20 seconds. It just I think when you're playing with a tired three year old it's kinder and more productive to go with the flow with them and their game rather than try to make them do it in your own prescriptive way.

Vijac Sun 25-Jan-15 21:09:14

A thrower is a long plastic thing that you use to throw a tennis ball a longer way for a dog.
Exactly what I was thinking Dejavu.

Possibly another thread but do you think that withdrawal of affections/the silent treatment is a reasonable form of discipline? I always just say no and why and if they do it again x treat will be removed. I don't every refuse to hug or play with them.

I think the whole men kicking a ball around and expecting/waiting for the kids to join in is quite a normal thing tbh and the kids usually do join in.

Your FIL shouldn't be getting angry and sulking though. Maybe tell him your son needs a bit more encouragement so him and your son can play more and have a better bond with your son feeling more secure with him? Suggest that he does other things with him before and after too?

I sympathise with how annoying the anger and sulking is. My sons dad used to do the same when we played games.Ds is autistic and often cheats and bends the rules in the most obvious manner possible,which is rather amusing, but his dad would flip and refuse to play anymore and sulked like a child because it wasn't going how he wanted it to. Drove me mad and he wouldn't talk to either of us. I could understand him wishing it was 'normal' in a way (although he should've seen the funny side ffs!) but his reaction was pathetic and unnecessary

Should add to that,it wasn't mock annoyance from his dad to teach him that cheating is wrong and encourage playing properly,it was him genuinely being peed off!

Vijac Sun 25-Jan-15 21:47:58

I know the feeling trip trap. My hey expect the children to control their emotions but can't control their own. Really spoils what should be fun family time.

simontowers2 Sun 25-Jan-15 21:57:49

FIL sounds like a silly old miserable twat. Your son sounds like a perfectly normal young kid.

BurningBridges Sun 25-Jan-15 22:29:20

Tell him what your DS said "Grandad doesn't like me" and hopefully he'll be ashamed of himself. If not, you know not to bother going out with everyone again or keep DS amused yourself. I think your DH needs to handle this.

Please god I get to kick a ball in the park with my grandchild what a privilege.

To get back to the theme of your OP title, they are the adults, and your DS is THREE YEARS OLD FFS!! (sorry for capitals) (not).

ILovePud Mon 26-Jan-15 00:30:18

FIL sounds ludicrous, I think you handled it well, ignore his strops and sulks and let everyone else act grumpy whilst you play with your DS. I'd have been tempted to say "ignore silly granddad he's in one of his funny moods" in a carrying voice.

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