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To not want to stay at home whilst we have building works going on

(16 Posts)
Sugarfreeriot Sun 25-Jan-15 16:52:59

We have a nearly 2 year old dd and have a serious amount of building work going on starting tomorrow! We're having several walls knocked through, a new kitchen put in (building works moved forward so will have no kitchen for at least a weeks as kitchen is ready for original date and takes a week to put in) and we had previously organised to stay at my in laws.
They were okay with this, said it was fine and we told them we would pay to stay, buy our own good and do our share of cleaning up.
We've called up today after telling mil a week ago that our building work had been moved forward to this week rather than next and mil was fine with it. She was happy to have us stay and looked forward to seeing us tomorrow, about to get off the phone and fil goes apeshit in the background basically saying he hasn't ever agreed to this (he had), we don't live by their "standards" and that he doesn't want us staying until he's had a proper sit down with us and outlines the "rules".
For gods sake, we aren't strangers, we know the rules! The child only eats in high chair, she doesn't touch anything she shouldn't, nappy changes happen only on tiled floors with a nappy mat, we tidy up all mess immediately and clean up after ourselves- we get this is their rules their house it's fine!
Fil then tells us we are dirty (we really aren't, our house is pretty spotless tbh but dd does make mess constantly so toys do send up on te floor) and that we will be their for months, not two weeks.
We now have nowhere to stay because dp is devastated that his df has basically called us all dirty and made it very clear we aren't welcome in his own childhood home.
I do like my in laws, like all of us they have some awkward traits but we try and get along best we can but nobody and I mean nobody feels at ease in their home. Fil has blatant OCD and it is cleaner than most show homes but I think if rather stay their unwelcome than at a building site with no kitchen with a toddler.
I reaaaally don't know what to do here hmm
Sorry for the rant!

expatinscotland Sun 25-Jan-15 16:54:43

TBH, this was a bad idea from the start.

I don't blame you for not wanting to be in there, it's a nightmare, but you are far better off staying in a Premier Inn.

GraysAnalogy Sun 25-Jan-15 16:55:03

This must be really hard for you and I understand completely why you don't want to be around whilst building work going on. What building work is it exactly?

On the flip side I also see that your FIL might not want people staying in his home, however is comments are out of order.

Not really sure what you can do except grin and bear it

Sugarfreeriot Sun 25-Jan-15 16:55:14

Fil has obviously got a total hammering from mil as he has sent a text saying we are welcome as long as we live by their rules and standards.
It's like a bloody army camp.

DisappointedOne Sun 25-Jan-15 16:55:15

Is that your only option? I wouldn't go there. How rude.

GraysAnalogy Sun 25-Jan-15 16:56:46

One thing I'll say is OCD is a condition not just a term for people who like their house being clean - does he have OCD or not?

Sugarfreeriot Sun 25-Jan-15 16:56:58

We are having 2 walls knocked through, the whole place re plastered and reprinted, a new kitchen put in, new doors, new bathroom everything.
Yep, was a very bad idea from the start. Should have known better but it would have cost us £1000 at least for the premier inn for 2 weeks.
It's so expensive down here and in laws said they were happy to have us.

Sugarfreeriot Sun 25-Jan-15 16:58:28

Grays. I think personally he really does. If you watch him in his home he is never at ease, always panicked by anyone coming round. He eats twitchy and red in the face and starts getting very upset.
Maybe he's just a tidy tidy person but it's the way it upsets him so much like it's uncontrollable that really makes me think he has OCD. Dp also has diagnosed OCD and LLI.

Sugarfreeriot Sun 25-Jan-15 16:59:04

I don't know what else we can do, other than fork out an awful lot of money we don't really have for a hotel room.

cat88 Sun 25-Jan-15 17:01:24

I would not go there - if that is how it starts - it can only downhill from there and may ruin your relationship with them forever. I would suggest speaking to the builder, finding out when and exactly how many nights you have to move our for and then going to a premier inn or similar.Or could you stay with friends for a few nights as well?

You need to make sure you have your own space. We are getting building work in and made it clear we cannot move out for the whole duration. We need to go out for a week though (during half term so booked a cottage with friends.

I feel your panic - we are having work done with a 1 year old and its not easy - you cant leave them alone for a minute!

CanISayOfHerFace Sun 25-Jan-15 17:03:15

I would rather stay in my own home with the work going on than walk on egg shells for two weeks.

We are about to move into a house that needs rewiring, an extension, new kitchen, new bathrooms and decorating throughout. We're going to put up with it with our 11 month old. It'll be an adventure... Sort of! grin

Madamecastafiore Sun 25-Jan-15 17:04:48

Stay at home. Lots of people live through building works. Have your friends rally together and camp out at theirs in the daytime or go for day trips. Lots of people have to do this and builders are quite sensible about it.

I did it with 4 week old DS and 4 year old dd in December and we survived.

Far better than having the stress of living with someone with a mental health issue and the stress you will cause him.

GraysAnalogy Sun 25-Jan-15 17:04:50

Oh hell so you're having a lot of work done. I feel your pain! Is there not a single room you could perhaps make into the main room just for the time being, make sure it's stocked with the essentials so you don't have to move around all that much

Sugarfreeriot Sun 25-Jan-15 17:07:17

I just wished we had booked a premier inn now but they both said they were happy to have us. We are spending so much money on the building works and we are really stretched.
My mum lives 2 hours away and the only people I can ask is my aunty but I know this will upset my mil.
Pil always tell us they want to see us more, constantly badgering us for more than once a week visits saying we don't bother and when we need to come and stay turn us away .
How are you meant to have a close relationship with people who tell you that you're dirty and don't live to their "standards".
Fml.

SoMuchForSubtlety Sun 25-Jan-15 17:08:00

Have you tried ownersdirect or home-away? Short term holiday lets will be a lot cheaper than a hotel and will definitely be available at this time of year.

Sugarfreeriot Sun 25-Jan-15 17:09:05

somuch no I haven't but will check them out. Thank smile

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