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Exhausted, unmotivated and so much stuff to do...

(4 Posts)
Freakingthefeckout Sat 24-Jan-15 19:35:37

Quick retread, I've had two previous threads about my situation, though not on AIBU, I just want to have a quick rantaroo without getting too into it.

Since before Christmas I've more or less become a foster mother to two children I've nannyed for while their mother recovers from a breakdown. I live with them during the week and work with another family on top of that. I'm clocking in about 16 hours a day, every day. I actually live two hours away in the family home in the countryside and commute on a regular basis. Since this situation has arisen I've spent about five days out of every month at my own house, and it's mostly just dropping off my stuff, doing laundry and packing to leave again.

My mother, who I have a fractious relationship with, no longer lives in the family home, it's just me and my Dad and there are plans underway now to sell it so we can move. To prepare for this she's breezing in next week with my brothers and SIL to 'clean up'. I can tell from a mile away this is going to turn into 'let's question all of Freaking's life choices.'

It just couldn't have come at a worse time. I'm trying to at least get a tidy up under way now but I'm so worn out by the last few months all I want to do is rest. I'll be gone again on Monday so this will be the last chance I have to sort it out. I should point out I have some health issues that really aren't helping anything.

I just cannot get motivated. Even now I'm lying in bed with a pain in my shoulder and there's so much work ahead of me, it's really getting me down.

AgentZigzag Sat 24-Jan-15 20:02:34

YABU to use the word 'rantaroo' grin

But aside from that, it sounds as though you need to decide what's going to give before the situation decides for you and you have no control over it.

First of all I'd set aside any guilt/anxiety that your SILs clean up might be stirring up. I'm guessing from the 'let's question all of Freaking's life choices' that she's not going to do it without a load of hoiking? But you don't have to take that on board, just pretend she's doing it out of the goodness of her heart, let any 'remarks' wash over you and let them get on with it. If you look at it like that they're actually sorting a problem out for you and all you have to do is pay by ignoring any sniping.

It can't be doing you any good working 16 hours a day! How long do you think you'll have to 'foster' the DC for? What kinds of things are you doing? What other options does the family have to get support?

You're going to have to work out where you can get some down time somewhere, working such long hours is only sustainable for a short while and it's already taking its toll on you. It might be hard if you think you're letting someone down, but you have to look after yourself! cake

Freakingthefeckout Sat 24-Jan-15 22:04:31

It's not my SIL that's behind the clean-up, she's just been drafted in as one of DM's flying monkeys. DM is the problem, she is convinced I have a hoarding problem (I do have OCD, but I'm not a hoarder and never have been) and will badger me throughout the day to get rid of everything regardless of what it is. The clean-up I'm supposed to be doing now is really just me nailing down the stuff I can't lose. Plus, it's demoralising and I'm a bit weak right now.

The foster situation is difficult to predict, the mother seemed to be getting better but then hits a bad spot and slides back. Their father has cancer, but even before that was pretty useless and they're having a hard time coping when I'm not there. I'm the only stable caretaker they have right now, there's no relatives around to help and the parents' list of friends willing to help is dwindling. I'd be very worried for their well-being if I cut down on my hours there so can't see much of a choice, and I'd be fine honestly if I could have my weekend to myself which I don't.

AgentZigzag Sun 25-Jan-15 00:04:02

Sorry, I was in MN mode and SIL just stood out and I ran with it grin Advice still stands though, just phase her out with head nodding/yeah before doing what you were going to do.

I also have OCD and am not a hoarder (or a clean freak) but I know that doesn't stop people making shit up and sticking with it.

What about starting with a list and picking off one or two of the easiest things you have to do, then at least you'll feel as though you've made a start.

The situation with the foster family sounds really hard going, I can see why you might not want to scale back if you know how it'll impact on their DC.

Do you normally get any down time at weekends?

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