About introducing people?

[cailindana]

AIBU to think that if you are a host and there are people in the room who don't know each other, it's your duty to introduce them?

I have been in a fair few situations in the last few years (house parties, children's parties with parents present, evening class type things) where no introductions were done. I find it really awkward, standing around not knowing everyone else's name. I always make a point of introducing myself and, if I'm "host," of introducing everyone who might not know each other. IMO it makes everything much more sociable. It immediately breaks the ice and gets people talking. In fact, I hosted a big party years ago involving many unconnected friends and many of them became friends at that event and are still friends to this day.

Am I odd? It seems very few other people do introductions.

[Bowlersarm]

YANBU

I always introduce people, and expect to be introduced myself.

Although I'm good at introducing myself to strangers if the host/person who knows all of us isn't on the spot to do it.

[M00nUnit]

YABU at all, you're absolutely right. I always introduce people to each other at events I'm hosting/have organised and I hate it when people don't bother with any introductions, it can be really uncomfortable.

[M00nUnit]

*yaNbu

[cailindana]

I'll usually introduce myself too Bowlers, although people also seem surprised by that. They don't mind it, they just don't seem to expect it. To me it's very odd to spend a couple of hours with a bunch of people and not know their names or talk to them.

[Koalafications]

I have no interest in being introduced to people.

I will always introduce others though as I know that not everyone is as unsociable as me.

[cailindana]

Is there are a reason you don't want to be introduced Koala?

[christmaspies]

Don't want to be introduced? Nowt so queer as folk.

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

At a childrens party - I can't see any reason to go around introducing everyone, the adults haven't chosen to be there beyond the need to accompany the children, forcing everyone to socialise with a load of strangers is not particularly nice.

People can introduce themselves, it's not your job as the host.

[DamsonInDistress]

Depends on the numbers and the event tbh. In a small house party of less than say a dozen people I'd expect to do introductions. In a big venue, with more than say 40 odd, I wouldn't.

[cailindana]

But people don't introduce themselves fred, that's the point. Instead, everyone seems to stand around looking awkward.

When I say children's party I mean really small ones in someone's house. Of course at a big one in a play centre it'd just be too chaotic. But if you're sitting in someone's living room directly across from someone you don't know from adam it's pretty awkward. If the host says "this is Jamie, my sister," then at least you can smile at her, know who on earth she is and chat if you feel like it.

[Koalafications]

I find meeting new people excruciating. I absolutely hate it, so I avoid parties etc as much as possible. If I have to go to a social occasion then I actively avoid being introduced to new people.

[Bowlersarm]

I don't see why a childrens party should be any different. I would hate to stand around sticking out like a sore thumb, when a quick introduction can be done. Yes you can introduce yourself, but it's a lot easier for the host to break the ice for you which only takes them a matter of seconds,

[Nolim]

If it is a small dinner party yes. Otherwise no.

[cailindana]

What I find really odd is the way, at a party, a person I know will be chatting to a person I don't know and I'll get naturally drawn into the conversation, but the person I know doesn't introduce me to the new person. If I'm chatting and someone else comes along I automatically say "Do you know X, she's ..." before carrying on the conversation, it seems basic manners to me.

[QueenBean]

Yeah it's so weird when people don't introduce and it's a small social occasion

That said, sometimes we will go to a party and DP will have forgotten someone's name so then we have a routine of me introducing myself so that me and DP both know their name again

Was in a very weird situation the other week when a friend of mine was speaking to some of my parents' friends (a couple) at a party - she had gone beyond the polite "what is your name" stage so just kept referring to him as "your mister" to her partner. V odd!

[Ragwort]

YANBU. But I think a lot of these 'social conventions/basic manners' are considered a bit old fashioned these days. I am confident about introducing myself to other people but we had a party at Christmas and as host it was my (and DH's) obligation to introduce people to each other.

And I've always understood it polite to make a small comment ie: 'this is Mary, we met through the cricket club ' so that at least the introducees have a start point of something to say to each other.

[cailindana]

I'm having a real issue at the moment actually where new staff in a class I run are not introducing people. People have commented many times in the past on how sociable and friendly my class is but that's purely, IMO, because I make absolutely sure everyone knows everyone's name. I'm not running the new class and I've had a lot of comments on how unfriendly it is and numbers have gone way down. All due to lack of introductions. I keep mentioning it but nothing changes.

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

People standing around at a kids party looking awkward - you don't know if it's because they've zero interest in being there and don't actually want to be socialising with anyone or if they're too shy to do it.

Given how easy it is to introduce yourself at a kids party, (via the kids if you can't manage it directly) I think it's quite likely to be the former.

I don't want to exhaust my social energy on the other parents at a kids party, sure I may miss out on a great new friend, but the chances are I won't because the only shared point is living in the same area and having kids who go to the same nursery / class etc. Rather than anything more.

It's just the normal extrovert who finds those social contacts energising not understanding how much effort it is for others (even if the actual contact is enjoyable it means you won't be able to do it again without a break which may not be available to you.)

[cailindana]

I'm not an extrovert at all fred. I find it more draining to be in a silent situation where the ice hasn't been broken than to simply have a chat with someone while the kids play. I feel like a situation like a kids party I can't barrel in and act the host and it feels rude to go around introducing myself, so I end up standing back and feel uncomfortable.

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

Then introduce yourself? It's a kids party, why do you need a host (who should be hosting the people they actually invited - the kids!) to do it for you? You don't need to act the host, you just need to say, "Hi, I guess you're Olivia's dad..." and start talking to someone?

Introducing yourself is not rude, it's an essential job skill as well as social one, yes in formal occasions the host should also introduce people, but that is not required.

[Roussette]

I'm an 'introducer' but I do get nervous doing it and fairly often I just make it worse by literally forgetting their name right at the crucial point of saying "Have you met..."

I did this recently with someone I've known 15 years

[cailindana]

I went to introduce DH (then my bf of four months) to a friend and entirely forgot his name

I do introduce myself fred (although I've learned the hard way not to make assumptions about who's related to who - it's a minefield) but overall it would be easier for the host, who knows everyone and knows what not to say, to introduce everyone.

[Bunbaker]

"I have no interest in being introduced to people."

So, I assume you just avoid all social and work situations then?

"People can introduce themselves, it's not your job as the host."

If I have people in my house who don't know each other of course it is my job as a host to introduce people and make them feel welcome. At a soft play I probably wouldn't bother unless someone looked a little lost or left out.

Some people are very shy and are often grateful to be introduced and included in a conversation.

Clearly some mumsnetters are unsociable and some just don't have any manners or any idea of social etiquette.

[cailindana]

I think that is a bit harsh Bunbaker, but it does annoy me when people talk about how hard it is to make friends and how awkward social situations are when such a small thing like introducing people goes a very long way to making a situation so much more friendly.

[Bunbaker]

I used to be painfully shy, so it makes me very aware that other people might be like I was so I always try to draw them out. I do know when to stop if they really don't want to talk. Hence my "harshness".