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to be irritated at DP?

(11 Posts)
speakingdoge Fri 23-Jan-15 20:18:04

I've name changed, and changed a few details to avoid outing myself, but nothing important. Also just to say that I'm not in epic hulk rage mode or anything, just feeling irritated about this.

Quick background: I live in Spain with my partner. I'm originally from the UK, and although I have a few friends here, our social live mainly revolves around my DP's friends. I speak acceptable (but not amazing) Spanish, but very shoddy Catalan. Basically I'm always on a back foot language wise as I'm the only foreigner.

I barely see my DP during the week as he works long hours, gets home late and we go to bed early. Normally on a friday or a saturday we will have a very low key "date night" where we will eat out, have some wine and a laugh and then maybe watch a film at home. Sunday is early night day due to work on monday. Neither of us are social butterflies, but we do socialise both together and separately and consider this normal.

Anyway, so tonight DP calls and says some of his male friends are going out and have invited us, he isn't sure if he wants to go, and I say I'm not overly keen, especially since we are seeing the exact same people with their partners tomorrow. DP gets home early (by his standards) and says he still isn't sure. I tell him my preference is to spend the evening together since we are seeing them tomorrow all evening, and he is spending the entire weekend (thursday-monday) with the exact same guys next weekend anyway (for a stag do). H

We talk about other stuff, start relaxing, and end up having sex (sorry tmi). About five minutes afterwards, DP gets dressed and calls his mates. I assume to say we are hanging out here instead. Instead, he arranges to meet them and tells me he's heading out do I want to come. I only know three of the people there and don't have much in common with them, not to mention I am fucking starving and want to eat - not go out drinking. I say no for those reasons. He looks a bit guilty but skips off.

Basically it feels like he came home, got his rocks off, and has now buggered off with his mates, who, I stress again - we are seeing tomorrow ANYWAY.

Am I right to be a bit pissed off at this?

AtTheEndOfTheTunnel Fri 23-Jan-15 20:28:33

Yes. If you're seeing them tomorrow anyway he should be spending tonight with you as a couple.

26Point2Miles Fri 23-Jan-15 20:30:18


speakingdoge Fri 23-Jan-15 20:30:23

I love you more than the food I am eating (which says A L O T as I am fucking hungry).

I felt for sure everyone was going to jump down my throat for being a needy she-harpy.

hotfuzzra Fri 23-Jan-15 20:41:34

I'd be upset too. But I'd have told him straight away that I wanted him to stay for your reasons, and remind him that he'd see them tomorrow and next weekend!
I'd also suggest he was a cheeky get for shagging and running!

PulpsNotFiction Fri 23-Jan-15 20:43:24

I'd be miffed too. Have some wine. Eat some cake and think how envy I am of you living in Spain smile

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease Fri 23-Jan-15 20:46:40

I would be pissed off and feel a bit used.

LynetteScavo Fri 23-Jan-15 20:49:18

Basically it feels like he came home, got his rocks off, and has now buggered off with his mates

That's exactly what he's done.

speakingdoge Fri 23-Jan-15 20:51:31

hotfuzzra - I did explicitly tell him my preferences and give him my reasoning when he first got home and mentioned it. I wouldn't have expected him to simply guess my preferences in any way smile

I'm still pretty hacked off to be honest.

iklboo Fri 23-Jan-15 20:51:56

The 'shag & run' would piss me off. Like he thought he was 'placating' me. Sort of 'there, there. Wasn't that nice. Now I'm off to play out with the boys, there's a good girl (pat, pat).'

speakingdoge Fri 23-Jan-15 20:57:50

I do genuinely think he wanted me to come out with him. It's just I also can't help but think that he was somewhat disingenuous for not saying right at the beginning "I really do want to go out, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to go", rather than having sex (so getting the physical 'benefit' of staying home with me) and then sodding off out afterwards (so not actually bothering to stay home with me).

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