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AIBU for not making my child do homework...

(212 Posts)
80schild Fri 23-Jan-15 19:00:59

So a little bit of history: DS1 is a bit forgetful and always has been. He is now in year 1 at school and as the school keep on reminding me they are trying to help him to become more independent. They get homework on a Wednesday and it is due in on Monday.

Over the past 3 weeks DS a pattern has formed like this.

Get homework on Wednesday: DS forgets school bag - he has after school club and we are not allowed back in the classroom.

Thursday: - He forgets the school bag again. I remind him he has to bring it home. I ask the teacher to remind him to bring it home. She says we are encouraging them to be independent and he will bring it home by Friday.

Friday: - The school bag is still at school. I can't get back into the classroom because they don't let parents in the classroom on a Friday after school.

Monday: Homework is due in. I make him do it, in a blind panic on Monday afternoon amid lots of kicking and screaming just so it looks like I have tried even if it is a day late.

After week 1 I spoke to the teacher and told she needs to give him a bit more support as I felt their tactics were't working. I have done my bit by approaching the teacher and talking to her about it. Now I feel it is her choice - if she asks on Monday where his homework is, I shall say "you have a choice an independent child or a child who has done his homework".

Fanfeckintastic Fri 23-Jan-15 19:02:58


Nolim Fri 23-Jan-15 19:04:24

So if your child does not do his hw it is the teachers fault? And you make him do his homework so it looks like you have at least tried?

Shinyshoes2 Fri 23-Jan-15 19:04:43

Who picks him up from school ?
If he comes out if his classroom without his bag then send him straight back in to retrieve it

VoyageOfDad Fri 23-Jan-15 19:05:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLuck10 Fri 23-Jan-15 19:07:41

If that's your attitude then it explains a bit of your sons. He is your child, and it should you who is driving the homework not the teacher. I truly feel sorry for teachers, dealing with awful parents like this. Yabvvu

RubberDuck Fri 23-Jan-15 19:07:46

She shouldn't be asking you where his homework is, she should be asking him. Part of independence is learning consequences for forgetfulness smile

Rosa Fri 23-Jan-15 19:09:24

Get the bag when you take him in on a Friday morning .

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees Fri 23-Jan-15 19:10:11

I don't understand how he is managing 3 days running to forget his bag.. Why isn't whoever a collecting him reminding him?

cansu Fri 23-Jan-15 19:10:26

In year 1 I think they could help him a bit more. I also don't see why you can't go back into classroom to get bag. I am a teacher and they seem to be being a bit obstructive tbh. My dd attends after school club and if she hasn't got something I go back in and get it. I don't see how this can be a problem for the teacher.

WooWooOwl Fri 23-Jan-15 19:10:53

Year 1 children often need reminding to do things, I think you should go in and ask how the end of day routine works. Y1 children in my school aren't given the opportunity to forget bags because it's just part of the routine. Water bottles maybe, but not book bags. They need those if they're going to do their reading, which is more important than independence in a 5/6 yo IMO.

If you know how the routine works, then you can talk it through with your child and maybe find something that will help him remember. Or you could give him an incentive to remember that will make it worth his while.

You do need to do something, you can't just shrug your shoulders and say you're not doing homework, but the school needs to help you out here.

RubberDuck Fri 23-Jan-15 19:11:38

LadyLuck: that's silly - if the child is old enough to be doing homework, they're old enough to organise it themselves (excluding spellings and reading). Although keystage 1 is WAY too young, imo, but that's another rant.

Ds2 was horribly disorganised with remember his homework. A few missed playtimes to finish it off helped him remember better next time. He's still disorganised from time to time (he's now 10 years old), but he happily acknowledges it's his fault and its his responsibility.

To be fair though, our school stressed more independence around year 2/3. I think year 1 is a little young, but then the teacher gets to learn the consequences of independence too wink

SparklyTwinkleGlitter Fri 23-Jan-15 19:12:15

Wow, only one lot of homework a week?
That sounds like it ought to be a breeze to manage, to be honest.

My DS is in junior infants (5yr old) and he has homework at least 4 nights a week and often Friday's too, including tonight. It usually involves some reading and writing, with a new book to read 3 times a week in addition to the normal homework.

It seemed a bit excessive to me but apparently, this is normal over here.

tinklykeys Fri 23-Jan-15 19:12:28

What rubberduck said!

TeenAndTween Fri 23-Jan-15 19:13:08

YANBU at all.

I think the school are being spectacularly unhelpful, and also unrealistic. Some y1s can remember stuff, many can't.

However in your situation, when I drop him off on Thursday morning I would ask him to come straight back to you with his bag and you take the homework home then.

ApocalypseThen Fri 23-Jan-15 19:14:19

How many children do manage to do their homework? What strategies do you have in place (other than making it the teacher's problem) to deal with your son's feckless ways? Why of you think the homework is a favour to the teacher?

ovenchips Fri 23-Jan-15 19:15:06

I must admit that I don't think homework is terribly important but I don't understand your thinking here.
If your son forgets his homework bag every day he needs to see the consequences of doing so.

If it was my son, I think I would either let him deal with consequences with zero intervention from me or work with him on a very motivating reward system for him remembering.

I don't think it's about changing teacher's/ school's behaviour or your own, but rather changing your son's.

Hope you figure something out and this daily hassle disappears.

buttercupbear Fri 23-Jan-15 19:15:09

YOU sort it out.

fredfredgeorgejnr Fri 23-Jan-15 19:16:24

The teacher should not be asking you where the homework is, they should be asking the child.

Homework should not cause a blind panic and forcing entirely pointless.

Of course I believe homework for a year 1 is a negative as it's just takes time from more important parent/child lessons, so would not exactly be supportive in any case.

PeoniesforMissAnnersley Fri 23-Jan-15 19:16:48

why don't you send him straight back in for the bag on day 1? Why have you let this pattern develop?
You need to be proactive and say to him, bring your bag today, when he forgets send him back, keep repeating until he gets it.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple Fri 23-Jan-15 19:18:21

Who would be a teacher nowadays. I've heard it all now, it's the teachers fault that a child has not done homework hmm

How about teaching your child it's not optional and kicking and screaming is simply unacceptable.

SorchaN Fri 23-Jan-15 19:18:25

My daughter has always been very disorganised. She did stuff like this all the time. She was recently diagnosed with dyspraxia and is getting help to learn how to be more organised - she's 15 now and it's getting increasing important! However, she has always been highly independent.

I think year 1 is a little bit to early to be quite so organised, to be honest.

Brandysnapper Fri 23-Jan-15 19:20:24

My ds often does this - accidentally on purpose I feel. We still get the work done but it ends up being all on one night instead of spread out. I now tell him he won't have his video game thingy any night he fortes the book bag.

skylark2 Fri 23-Jan-15 19:20:48

Why can't you send him back in for the school bag on Thursday?

TeenAndTween Fri 23-Jan-15 19:20:55

Peonies The school seem to have a system whereby the lad isn't allowed back to get it, which is crazy.

I just hope none of you who are all saying the OP is unreasonable end up with disorganised-dyspraxic kids.

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