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to think it's ok doing what ever gets you through in terms of pregnancy and newborns

(37 Posts)
jemima1988 Fri 23-Jan-15 16:35:31

I had HG when I was pregnant I was in hospital 13 times in total it was horrible! when I could eat I ate what I fancied despite everything! I wasn't going to try and force something down thar wasn't going to stay.

now the cheeky monkey is here I again do what I need to to get by. I choose to breastfeed the past few nights my ds has woke me up 11-12 times a night between the hours of 21:30 and 08:00 if you do the math that's no sleep! so I've been keeping him in bed with me. I have followed all the safe Co sleeping guidelines and i am sick to death of hearing....

he will never be out of your bed now
you need to put him down and let him scream if he won't settle

your putting him in danger

your being selfish

AIBU to think you do what you do to get by? as long as it's safe?

MagratsHair Fri 23-Jan-15 16:38:43

Yes I agree with you, as long as you follow the guidelines of when/when not to then its fine.

Is it judgy strangers or family members saying these things? brew

jemima1988 Fri 23-Jan-15 16:40:32

Both really

family are trying to help but don't have advice to fix the he's now in my bed problems

strangers at mummy and baby groups are VERY judgy

ohbollocks2u Fri 23-Jan-15 16:40:45

agree with you 100%

Iggly Fri 23-Jan-15 16:43:07


Seriously can people not see that what a baby needs and does is different to an older child? Do they really logically think about what they're saying?

SallyStarbuck Fri 23-Jan-15 16:44:03

Christ yes.

But the universal truth is that whatever you do, someone will judge you on it.

DD was a routine baby. Her choice. Preferred dark and quiet to sleep, wanted a bottle offered at set intervals, we were in a 3-hour EASY routine by the time she was 4 weeks old. The few weeks we did at home when we winged it was an absolute disaster for me and her.

You would have thought I was the cruellest mum ever hmm

PurpleCrazyHorse Fri 23-Jan-15 16:46:56

Absolutely. We did that with DD and in fact I also BF her to sleep until she was 18mo. We had all the 'advice' that I was making a rod for my own back! We tackled her sleeping (or lack there of) when I was ready, she's now 5yo, settles fine on her own and sleeps really well. So much for a rod for my own back grin

Happy mummy is very often happy baby (and vice versa).

HolyTerror Fri 23-Jan-15 16:48:41

Ignore any use of the phrase 'rod for your own back'. Do what works now, and if that becomes inconvenient at a later stage, change it then, but no need to borrow trouble, or behave as if a co-sleeping newborn means a university age child still firmly in your bed.

I found a bedside cot a good co-sleeping compromise - it was at the same level as the bed without rails on the bed side, so DS was right next to me for feeding and soothing, but in his own space. Or just take one side off a regular cot?

GingerCuddleMonster Fri 23-Jan-15 16:49:01

I do whatever I want as long as it's safe, and I just don't tell anyone to be honest, some night DS is in his cot, and will settle himself other nights I want cuddles and I cuddle him to sleep and some nights he sleeps in with me.

Aherdofmims Fri 23-Jan-15 16:50:13


BUT are you sure there's not some fixable reason (like tongue tie) why he's feeding so often in the night?

WittgensteinsBunny Fri 23-Jan-15 16:50:17

It's infuriating to be on the end of unsolicited advice when you're dog-tired, trying your best and adapting to a huge change in your life. I personally don't think co-sleeping is a problem, providing you're sensible about it. I'm an accidental attachment parenting mum (by doing what worked / what felt right to me not reading and applying a single parenting philosophy iyswim) with a co-sleeping, breast feeding 19mo toddler and I'm 7 months pregnant and because this is still the only way to get a good nights sleep. I still get a look of hmm and yes, sometimes I question myself but we're a largely happy, well rested family so I just try and shrug off advice / criticism with a smile and a friendly comment. Fwiw, most of my friends co-slept in the early days (although publicly had baby in a Moses basket all night) and their babies are now in cots / beds. Do you have room for a co-sleeper cot?

Redling Fri 23-Jan-15 16:50:34

YANBU. I do whatever makes DS happiest. People think you have to be in a motherhood 'camp', so either BF, co sleeping, baby wearing, baby led weaning, or FF, pram, routine times and in the cot, commercial baby food etc. I FF after a disastrous weight loss issue start to BF, and DS had quite a set bedtime routine from young (which surprised me as I thought I'd just have him around me all the time, but he kind of wanted to be alone to sleep!) but I also baby wear him nearly all the time and hope to do BLW. Daytime naps I let him sleep on me rather than try and put him in the cot. This all works for HIM. So whatever people say, you know what makes your baby happiest and that's all the matters.

bedraggledmumoftwo Fri 23-Jan-15 16:51:26

Do whatever you need to survive and stay sane. With dd1 that was a sling, bf to sleep and with dd2 that was cosleeping and a dummy. And a lot of cake. Followed by slimming world....

WittgensteinsBunny Fri 23-Jan-15 16:56:10

Ignore judgy mums at groups. Especially first time mums who are looking to validate their own choices. I've had a lot of comments about co-sleeping (good and bad btw) over the last 19 months. The one mum who really took me to pieces about it had her second baby not so long ago and now swears by co-sleeping.... I never intended to have a co-sleeper but it appears that's what dd intended from day 1 smile

Frusso Fri 23-Jan-15 17:00:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaykayred Fri 23-Jan-15 17:08:19

I think people judge co-sleeping because it's difficult to do it safely, and - this is going from memory so could be way off the mark here - it is recommended against for safety reasons. I mean, if a parent said the only way their child would stop screaming is when they playing with something they could hurt themselves with/choke on, most people wouldn't just give them the thing in question.

None of that means that people should be giving you lots of shit for it though.

lovemyboo Fri 23-Jan-15 17:13:04

Yanbu, the whole rod for your back seriously don't worry about it. I've got a perfect five year old re sleeping n eating from day one and the complete opposite with my three n half year old. We have let him sleep in our bed till this Christmas gone because it meant we and his older brother got some sleep. Now it feels like he needs to sleep in his own bed all night so have gentle sleep trained last few weeks. He goes all night in his bed now.

Whenever you are ready make the changes but do what suit you and your family at the time I say.

KatoPotato Fri 23-Jan-15 17:15:04

Welcome to parenthood. Remember, opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one, most tend to stink.

Im pg with DS2 and I'm already receiving 'advice' and opinions from all and sundry, even though I've done a pretty good job so far with DS1...

'Oh, but just WAIT! You never get two the same!'

dreamingofwineandcheese Fri 23-Jan-15 17:32:45


I co-slept with DS for exact same reasons as you are, he is now 2.7 and is a great sleeper in his own bed and has done since around 10 months. I am now co-sleeping with DD as I can't be sleep deprived with a toddler to run around after and it works for us as we all get to sleep!

Do what is best for you and your family, everyone is different.

PotatoLetters Fri 23-Jan-15 17:33:18

I was in the same position a few weeks ago. It's all very well saying you're making a rod for your own back but you can't survive on no sleep. If it helps, my ds is now willing to sleep in his Moses basket!

ChickenMe Fri 23-Jan-15 17:36:29

Unsolicited comments have been doing me in during pregnancy. I can only imagine how enraged you would feel with a newborn.
I'd really be tempted to say "look, I'm exhausted. Please just let me be. I really don't need to hear this atm".
These comments are all about the commentators' needs. I swear that that's what it is. Blah fucking blah, a load of white noise seeking validation.
I swear never to give this kind of advice. I promise to wait to be asked!!

Gunpowder Fri 23-Jan-15 17:45:48

YANBU. I started lying in the end. 'Yes she sleeps really well, thank you' IME experience other mums get less judgy when they've got toddlers and you hear the truth. wink Family are still a bit judgy but Whatevs.

It gets much easier btw. Sounds like you are doing a great job. flowers

anxiousaboutanonymity Fri 23-Jan-15 17:55:59

Do what suits you. People who are evangelical about their choices versus yours are usually insecure ( and insensitive). Co-sleeping with a baby, given the usual provisos, is safe. People have done always done this. And the vast majority of babies, once weaned, will make the transition to their own bed easily.

Dexterjamesmummy Fri 23-Jan-15 18:12:43

I co slept with my son, he died in his sleep in May, he was almost 13 months old. He died in his cot on his own (slept in his cot for the first stint of the night then refused to stay in it), we've since found out he had a faulty gene which affects the heart, I have the same gene yet I'm still here. There are instances when co sleeping isn't safe but I think most cot deaths are due to other reasons. Dexter loved sleeping in my bed and I'm glad I did it, it's natural for them to want to be with mummy, if it makes them happy then do it x

Kettricken Fri 23-Jan-15 18:29:28

YANBU. The best piece of advice I ever had was from a midwife when I had just had DS. She said do whatever works for you and DS and that will be the right thing for you and DS. If it suits you both then carry on!

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