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To expect ExH to do any job to pay some child maintenance

(10 Posts)
meikyo Thu 22-Jan-15 22:52:53

ExH has worked for about 18 months in the last 13 years. He is currently unemployed, has been for over a year. He sees DD regularly, has every other weekend. He paid me 12p CM in the last 12 months.
ExH was qualified for a specific role which is now no longer available in the UK. Before we split I supported him to retrain in another type of work, but he was unable to hold down the job as he went off with stress on several occasions. He has been treated for this and has been very well for years now. Surely he should be able to find and keep some job? He gets aggressive and defensive if I ever ask how the job hunting is going.
Fortunately for DD I have a reasonably well paid job, but I resent being out of the house 50 hours a week when exH doesn't even do voluntary work?

notauniquename Thu 22-Jan-15 23:33:15

Not just any job, but I assume he being paid somehow (through benefits) you should be getting more than 12p per year!

GatoradeMeBitch Fri 23-Jan-15 01:42:19

12p?? Christ, I thought my ex's £10 a week for DS was poor! If I were you I would be having fantasies about wedging a 10p and a 2p into his eye sockets!

If it's like getting blood from a stone, and he has your ds every other weekend, maybe consider asking if he'd like to increase his visitation instead? At least that way he'd have to contribute more in terms of food and utilities.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 23-Jan-15 02:13:49

If he's unemployed, why does he only have DD EOW? Seems to me that a father would either want to pay properly for his child or see her as much as possible. Actually both.

Presumably you're paying for quite a number of those 50 hours of childcare.

Babycham1979 Fri 23-Jan-15 10:57:09

In fact, why isn't he the resident parent? Sounds like he has plenty of time on his hands

SilentCharisma Fri 23-Jan-15 12:16:54

I quite agree, if you're fit to work, you work. No one is 'too good' for any job.

I fortunately live in an area where retail, bar and cleaning work is freely available and despite being university educated and all the rest of it, when I was struggling to find a grad job, I did 'menial' jobs until I did. There's nothing to be ashamed of doing an honest day's living and even now 4 years into my good career, if it all went tits up tomorrow, first thing I'd do is visit all the local pubs looking for bar work until I'd sorted out what to do next.

FreudiansSlipper Fri 23-Jan-15 12:28:31

i am not surprised you feel resentful

of course he should do something anything what example is he giving to his dd

kaykayred Fri 23-Jan-15 14:37:33

Babycham - so the mother should be penalised for being a responsible adult, whilst the father should be rewarded for loafing around doing fuck all?

meikyo Fri 23-Jan-15 21:38:15

The 12p is 1p per month he sends "to keep the standing order open"...I feel he should be lowering his aims and not expecting to walk into a degree qualified job. If I suddenly lost my job I'd take what work I could get. DD is at high school now but when she was younger I had to pay a lot for childcare when I had overtime at busy times. Ex H was available but was happy to see me pay hundreds of pounds a week in childcare costs. I see loads of jobs advertised around here and find it hard to accept that he sits at home.

Babycham1979 Fri 23-Jan-15 21:59:59

Kaykayred, no I'm questioning why it's automatically the woman who's the career and the man who's teh provider.mid hers truly work-shy, the most logical arrange,t would be for him to be the career, and the OP the earner )instead of doing both). The current set-up is bonkers.

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