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AIBU?

To not bring first born grandchild to the inlaws...

150 replies

piazilla · 22/01/2015 16:07

I live in the uae and have to return to my native Ireland this month for unavoidable reasons . My ds ( first grandchild on both sides) will be coming with me - and although I'm nervous about making the journey alone with a ten week old, I know that my mum will organise everything I need when I get home and I won't need to worry about a thing during my stay.
I'll stay in Ireland for 3 weeks - here is the clincher - my inlaws live in Paris and want me to bring baby over for a week. Paternal grandfather is the only one who hasn't been over to visit ( his own choice - work commitments last minute meant he didn't visit when mil came over) so therefore mil is bleating that fil really wants to meet grandson .
I have a classic stereotypically tense relationship with mil. She does whatever she pleases regardless of what anyone else thinks . Baby will be paraded around for visitors - I'm breastfeeding on demand - it's all a bit - arrrgh! Aibu to not go to Paris or am I just being uncharitable and mean spirited?

OP posts:

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WooWooOwl · 22/01/2015 16:09

Are you being expected to go without your husband?

Hoppinggreen · 22/01/2015 16:09

Well if they are that desperate to see you can they come to Ireland?

Littlef00t · 22/01/2015 16:10

Do what makes you comfortable. Can't imagine he's genuinely that bothered or he would have offered to meet gc where you are.

Sorehead · 22/01/2015 16:10

YANBU

Can they not travel to Ireland for a few days whilst you are there? That was FiL gets to meet his grandson, but you stay a bit more in control.

Frenchfemme · 22/01/2015 16:10

Find a nice hotel near you in Ireland and send them the link - they can fly over and spend a day or two visiting you and baby, on your terms. Job done!

CMOTDibbler · 22/01/2015 16:10

I'd say that MIL and FIL are welcome to come and visit the both of you in Ireland, but that the additional travel cost and time won't work for you and baby.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 22/01/2015 16:11

Fil comes to you with your family and meets baby there, perfect, like or LUMP IT.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 22/01/2015 16:12

Will DH be going to Paris with you?

If he is going to be there, then I think it would be kind to visit.

However, if I had to travel alone I would be saying, we would love to come and visit you (when dp can be around) but a little later in the year. And suggest that they can always come to you?

There will come a point when you should visit and you need to weigh up when that is easiest.

holidaysarenice · 22/01/2015 16:12

Invite them to Ireland? You can't be seen to be unreasonable then.

Or take your mum to Paris with you! Phrase it as a trip for your mum etc

squoosh · 22/01/2015 16:12

Much more sensible for them to pop over from Paris. You'll have done more than enough travelling.

piazilla · 22/01/2015 16:13

Sorry should have said - hubby not coming with me and in laws cannot come to Ireland due to visa issues! So it's go over there or fil doesn't see grandson! ( I'm sure mil is more interested in grandson anyway , but I feel like a hypocrite because my mum will get 3 weeks with baby!)

OP posts:

MimiSunshine · 22/01/2015 16:14

So that would be the following flights within the 3 weeks:
UAE - Ireland
Ireland - Paris
Paris - Ireland
Ireland - UAE

Nope, no thank you. Yes its a short flight from Ireland to Paris but its a lot in three weeks plus i'm guessing you'd have to cart everything over there as well?
Tell her you'd love to see them but 4 flights in 3 weeks (as apposed to 2) is too much, however if they are free for 3 days between x and y date. You would love for them to come over and see you both.

MimiSunshine · 22/01/2015 16:15

Just seen your update, well in that case the trip will have to wait until DH can make it with you

SuasSios · 22/01/2015 16:16

Is this week in Paris on top of your 3 weeks at home, or taken out of your 3 weeks? If it's the latter, I definitely wouldn't be going off to France for a week, all that travelling would be exhausting. I've done the UAE flight to Dublin via London before, it's a killer (without the added stress of a small baby). You'll just be settled when you have to head off again.

If they're that pushed, let them come to you. Pick a hotel in the nearby big town, and arrange for them to visit when it suits you to have them.

partypigeon · 22/01/2015 16:17

No way would i go! If people want to meet a small baby then they need to come to you, and at your convenience, not expect you to go charging round all over the place. If he's fit and able to travel and can afford it, then of course he should be the one making the effort. The journey to and from Ireland is hardly going to be a piece of cake, no way should you be adding more stress into the mix.

squoosh · 22/01/2015 16:17

They can't come to Ireland? Hmmmm, makes things trickeier I suppose. Is it likely they'll visit the uae any time soon?

SuasSios · 22/01/2015 16:17

Sorry, X Posted.

Not a chance I'd be doing all that running around. Wait until sometime you can go with your DH there to do all the donkey work.

Lweji · 22/01/2015 16:17

Is that Northern Ireland or Republic of Ireland?
What visa issues?

squoosh · 22/01/2015 16:18

I was wondering about the visa issues too but was being uncharacteristically polite.

Lweji · 22/01/2015 16:19

I feel like a hypocrite because my mum will get 3 weeks with baby!)

Why? Your hubby is not taking you and his baby to be with his parents, is he?

zippey · 22/01/2015 16:19

Visa issues?

I wouldnt do it. Too much hassle. Skype them from Ireland as a comprimise.

piazilla · 22/01/2015 16:19

It would be :
Uae to Ireland
Ireland to Paris
Paris to uae
I would do 3 weeks in Ireland and a week in Paris
Dh keeps telling me it's my call - but I'll be the big bad wolf if I don't go. Mil is the kind of person to text and say "oh I miss my grandson so much - no pictures for days!!!! " it works because I have since bombarded her with photos because I don't want to give her the satisfaction of saying I don't keep in touch!

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squoosh · 22/01/2015 16:21

A week by yourself with in laws you don't really get on with?

A big fat 'HELL NO' to that.

Lweji · 22/01/2015 16:21

You are clearly a better person than me, because I'd start sending pictures weekly or monthly only.

LadyLuck10 · 22/01/2015 16:22

Yanbu, your DH needs to address this one. Your baby will be so tiny to do all this shuffling about. I think they either make the trip somehow or wait till you are ready to take baby over. Don't feel bad, the baby is 10 weeks not 10 months so they will have to understand.

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