It's not that I'm worried he'll misbehave or anything like that, I trust him 100%... The reason is that we have a 7 week old baby who doesn't sleep at all during the daytime and is pretty fussy, feeding constantly, and I don't know how I'll cope.
Back when the trip was booked we thought naively that by then we'd be enough into the swing of things for me to be alone. The trip is four days long which sounded short when it was booked but now stretches out in front of me like an endless road of doom. Considering that I'm tearing my hair out by the time he gets home from work at 6 or 7 I just feel increasingly like four long days alone will be a disaster.
We are expats based in Berlin so there are no family members who could come and stay. I have 2 very close friends who would want to help but really don't know what to do with a baby. I would be genuinely alone.
I have a history of anxiety and depression and I've just been to the doctor to get a prescription for sertraline as I can feel the anxiety and obsessive thoughts creeping back. One of the repeated negative thoughts I suffer from is fear something will happen to DH, so that adds an extra dimension of misery.
I really don't want to be the needy wife that stops her husband doing things, but I can't help feeling this way. It just seems far too early to be left all alone. I am in awe of single parents after experiencing the first weeks of motherhood. I've raised it with DH and he is sympathetic and wants to stay but is worried about upsetting his brother. I also understand and it would be a shame for his brother but fear four days of frustration, loneliness, anxiety, poor personal hygiene and the threat of a psychological meltdown.
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBU?
To ask DH to skip his bro's stag do in Iceland next week
microferret · 21/01/2015 19:43
my DH went away with work for 5nights when my pfb was just 6wks old. it was short notice too as we were in the middle of a kitchen re fit! the night before I felt sick, really didn't want him to go but he had to really, and both me and the baby managed just fine.
you say you have couple of friends who would want to help, surely they ate capable of holding the baby whilst you shower/bathe or they can take baby for a walk in pram whilst you get an hours kip? you have time before he goes to stick up on snacks etc make some lasagne/cottage pie and freeze it so you can heat and eat that when he's gone.
I understand it seems very daunting right now but it will pass in a whirlwind and you will cope better than you think you will. 
for what it's worth I don't think that YABU, it's perfectly normal to feel anxious when you have a tiny baby 
DSs dad left when he was 3 weeks old. We managed. Although I completely understand why you're worried and stressed and I totally get the whole obsessive thoughts about something bad happening 
it's horrible.
But, if he goes, you will get though it, and then you'll see how strong you are. It'll be fine honestly.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Thanks all for the support and helpful advice. In an ideal world I know it would be better for him to go, I can see that it might make things awkward between me and his brother if I was the reason he skipped the trip...
Kewtogetin, I do agree that life shouldn't be miserable for both of us, but it also grates a bit that society expects me to be doubly miserable whilst DH goes on holiday with the lads. Life has already changed massively for me and minimally for DH in comparison. We're a team and I can't help feeling we should be facing this challenging time together, as equals.
As we've got a bit of time I can ask my friends what sort of help they could offer and see if it will be viable. I know often the idea of a thing is worse than the thing itself... Who knows, perhaps it will be fine and I will come out of it feeling all empowered and capable and confident 
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YANBU, not a bit.
But I also think that it might well turn out to be more manageable than you fear. My DH stared working abroad when DD was eight weeks old. It was very exhausting but we made it through.
Get all the food you need for four days in advance. Go for comfort and convenience, things you can microwave and graze on.
Have some plans or activities in mind, even if they are just very low key eg park so that you have something to aim for each day. But equally don't beat yourself up if you and the baby just have lots of pyjama and cuddle times!
Make the most of your friends who you say would be willing to help - even if they can't take the baby off you to give you a full break, they can keep you company and help practically with fixing some lunch etc, or going with you for Kaffee and Küchen!
And no doubt they'd be happy to be on the end of the line and ready to come over if you really feel you're too exhausted or overwhelmed to manage.
Don't try to do any housework while your baby is napping, just nap too! An untidy flat won't be the end of the world!
And finally look forward to a loooooooong nap and bath when your DH is back. We are usually stronger than we give ourselves credit for when we need to be. All the best
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