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I did the right thing right? - Cuttin 'D' M out for good. (long)

(45 Posts)
WrappedInABlankie Mon 19-Jan-15 12:41:16

I am so pissed off! Once again darling 'Mother' has managed to screw us over once again!

She met this 'man' married cheating scumbag before last christmas, didn't tell anyone just went out last minute, always on the phone etc fair play she's been single a fair why after cheating on my father and leaving. Last Christmas she was foul! this 'man' was on holiday and she couldn't speak to him so everyone had to feel the brunt of it, she was angry, rude, shouty and glued to her phone waiting for him to text.

Things only got worse, we use to go to a pole class together she'd promise me she's be there minutes before I'd leave (wouldn't go if she wasn't there) I'd get there and she would of called some other people at the gym and tell them she wasn't going as this 'man' had called and wanted to see her. She'd then make up a lie to tell me why she hadn't been.

She'd promise she'd come see me and DS and then wouldn't call or show up and when you finally get a hold of her she'd say "we'll ..... called so i saw him instead!"

I put up with this for 2 more months, constant broken promises of seeing DS and then no showing until the day before my sisters wedding she had once again promised to see me and DS went to see him instead no message all day we had plans and she couldn't care told me not to bother her or speak to her.

It was DS's wedding she needed to get an outfit and we were sorting out my bridesmaid dress. She went into every shop that you couldn't get a buggy in, DS was asleep and she was in one for over an hour leaving me and DS outside in the cold and rain (january 13, by the sea) then yelled at me telling me to get the fuck over it and told DS to 'man up' wasn't even two. On the way home she nearly drove into another car because she was texting him and driving then told me to 'shut the fuck up' when i called her up on it as DS was in the car

I went to DSis wedding where he showed up, uninvited, proceeded to give my DS lolly's, chocolate etc without asking and as it was 11 and he wasn't allowed them I wasn't impressed. Even had the cheek to tell me how to hold DS, how to feed him (he was nearly 2) and how to play with him all the while HIS WIFE AND CHILD WAS AT HOME TOTALLY UN-AWARE HE'S CHEATING! He's going around telling everyone how horrid I am, I won't give him a chance etc to all of these people that he's never met before at my sisters wedding. They even had to find him a seat, dinner, etc because he wasn't invited.

Safe to say I left early after my mother left all her friends at the reception to go have sex with him and when she came down everyone had left.

The next day once again a no show! I gave her another chance the following week, half an hour late, next time didn't show up, next time didn't show up.

I had an ectopic in march and was kept in for a week nearly needing surgery, the hospital called her as she was my next of kin. She turned up on the phone to him was on the phone for two hours whilst the put me on a drip and scanned me. Only when they said i'd need some overnight stuff she got off the phone to say "for fuck sake, well fucking done I'm suppose to be seeing .... tonight and now I've got to run around after you and stupid DS, I'm busy and I have a life". The nurse was shocked and apologised for calling her when she left, thankfully DS stayed with my sister I was there over my birthday, she didn't even text/call or come and see me as she was seeing him not even a card.

She was going away booked it right over DS birthday and his party that promised to see him before she went. Ditched us again, promised to call him before she got on the plane. She didn't called her 'boyfriend' if you can call him that instead so promised to call whilst out there, got her phone blocked due to texting and calling him so much so didn't contact me or DS at all.

The last straw was in April she got back and promised to ring me when she landed as she now hadn't seen ds in about a month, didn't happen. Turned out she left her friend at the airport to make her own way home to go see this man. When she did call about 8 hours later Promised to come see DS before he went to bed at 7pm. 9pm she rocks up she'd been with him all day in bed as he was "poorly and missed her".

She then told me that she would contact SS and get DS placed with her and I'd never see him again, she'd get her friends at the hospital to make up fake mental health records about me to get me sectioned for the rest of my life and proclaimed that she and this man had already seen my file and saw that SS was involved (they weren't)

I cut contact after this, called the police and made sure it was on record as she went round telling everyone she was taking me to court.

My sister begged me to see her and let her see DS as she was telling her how unfair it was and how she missed DS. In November I gave her her final chance, she was aware of this. She saw DS once and arranged for dinner the next time, she said she'd forgotten and had invited a friend round but invited me round with DS. She and her friend stood there and she watched her friend tell me "you're a horrible person, you'll end up sad and alone and that's why nobody wants or loves you" she didn't utter a word.

She hadn't seen DS in 3 weeks since christmas occasional facetime's in the week. However every Monday she'd see DS before nursery (it's the house right across the road from her) last night she called and once again arranged to see DS, promised him she'd be there and was looking forward to it. I got there this morning and he pulls up (wife thinks the affair is over, moved house with their daughter and thinks he's at work) She opens the door, ignore's DS saying hello and lets him in and shuts it.

She then texts me saying "I understand you're angry with me" I've replied saying "Don't ever talk to me again, you had one chance and one chance only and you blew it more than once. He must be worth it"

She's read them and tried to reply. No doubt she'll try to contact me tonight when I get DS but I'm done. Completely done she only got one more chance for my sister. I'm 18+1 with DS2 and she won't be involved.

The fact she can throw away her relationship with me and DS for a man who's married with a child and cheating on his wife angers me.

No doubt she'll read this but If she does, i mean it. I'm done DS deserves a hell of a lot better than you and so do I

Sorry it's long this is just a summary of the past year there is plenty more sadly. I just needed to get it out

TheyLearnedFromBrian Mon 19-Jan-15 12:47:31


Err, yes. You did the right thing.

She's an utter pig of a woman. If you can manage to stay away from her, you can be assured that your DS is going to grow up with a better idea of good relationships than if she were in his life.

Post her some dog shit, tell the wife, and throw a party to celebrate your new found freedom!

Chebs Mon 19-Jan-15 12:50:58

So sorry that this person has been inflicted on you. You have clearly given her more than enough 'chances' - I very much doubt she will change whilst with this man. Was she like this before him?

You will be better off without her.

WrappedInABlankie Mon 19-Jan-15 12:51:01


I informed the wife just before I ceased contact the first time. She went round there. The 'man' told her it was a mistake, they moved house so I couldn't tell her it was still going on again and she kept him On Tight line.

She even brought him to my sisters friend wedding where he wasn't invited to and had never met her or the husband and then they left as "he felt awkward" this was a few weeks ago! hmm I hate them both and quite frankly the deserve each other

MonstrousRatbag Mon 19-Jan-15 12:52:13

The only thing I'd say is that you gave her too many chances. Ignore her, she is horrible to you and your DS the minute things aren't going her way. In fact, I'd find him another nursery so you don't even have to go near her house.

Just prepare yourself for her putting your sister in the middle of things. Your sister might try and guilt you into seeing her.

WrappedInABlankie Mon 19-Jan-15 12:53:30


She was still narcissistic Tbf. Would tell me when I was 12 I needed to stop eating or I'd have to shop in the fat store like my disgusting pig of a father.

When she found out I self harmed and had depression she invited my sister round, called the police (they did nothing) on me and then took my brother and sister shopping as they'd "be good and normal" and left me at home with instructions not to bother them. She doesn't show love she buys you things instead

WrappedInABlankie Mon 19-Jan-15 12:54:44

DS is moving nursery next term as new baby is due in June so she won't see her. I just feel sad that DS was young enough to not notice at first and now he asks for her and I'll have to tell him he can't see her

sparechange Mon 19-Jan-15 12:56:00

Good grief. The only thing that surprises me is that you gave me so many chances.

In all the 'going NC with a parent' threads there are on here, I've never yet seen anyone say they went NC and regretted it.
I've seen lots that say they've finally got their life back and only wish they'd done it sooner.

Onwards and upwards. Like you said, your DS deserves better

flora717 Mon 19-Jan-15 12:57:08

Keep yourself well out of it (the situation with her relationship).
With the threats about SS etc just keep a log of all contact attempts et.c.
Look after yourself and keep such a chaotic, unreliable person out of your DS's life.
Yes, it sounds far too stressful and involved situation. You have done the right thing to cut contact.

Dawndonnaagain Mon 19-Jan-15 13:00:36

Haven't you written before about her trying to alter hospital records?
You have done the right thing and should perhaps have done it sooner. Don't give in.

binspin Mon 19-Jan-15 13:09:09

I went NC with my mother last year and stupidly called her after christmas as I needed her (grieving and wanted my mum). She managed an hour maximum of being nice.

Stick to your guns. Don't let her do to your dc what she has done to you.

Lottapianos Mon 19-Jan-15 13:18:03

'She doesn't show love she buys you things instead'

This is my mother too. Its just not enough is it? sad

OP, you do not need someone like this in your life. You have absolutely done the right thing for yourself and your child.

laughingmyarseoff Mon 19-Jan-15 13:28:02

She is horrible, so so toxic. Cutting her off for good sounds the best. Have you spoken to your siblings or does she act differently to them? Tbh I'd write them an email stating all these things she's down, how it's made you feel and how NC is for the good of you. That way they know. Unless they are like her, then I'd leave them too.

Do you have a DP? What do they say? Do they support you?

KirjavaTheCat Mon 19-Jan-15 13:39:54

Is your mother 15? Because she's acting like a spiteful, foolish little girl.

When this man kicks her to the kerb, and she emerges from her lovestruck cloud and realises she's lost her children and grandchildren, I hope she has the wisdom to realise that it was her cuntish behaviour that drove you to cut contact.

Be firm. Your children don't need this waste of space in their lives.

PurpleCrazyHorse Mon 19-Jan-15 13:41:31

I agree with going NC, your mum sounds horrible.

I doubt very much that your mum would be able to get your medical records changed to get you sectioned for life. Firstly you'd need some outpatient appointments, a clinic coordinator to mark that you attended clinic (even though you didn't) and a consultant to write in your notes what was decided, there's then letters the secretary writes up to send to your GP. On top of that, no one is going to section you just by turning up to your house, you'd have to be assessed first. From other threads (not personal experience) it seems quite hard to access mental health services and often people talk about taking a relative/friend to A&E.

Definitely get on and move nurseries, especially as it'll give your DS time to settle in before the new baby arrives. I think you can start to gently explain to him in age appropriate terms that granny isn't very nice to mummy etc, or similar. Just gently.

WrappedInABlankie Mon 19-Jan-15 13:44:34

I have writted about her before and shortly after that I went Nc from may time till November, My sister begged for us all to be back in contact so I told her, for her I'd give her one last chance.

Lotta sorry about your mother. It's always been the way and then she'll throw it back in your face. I was in a car accident and due to me not being 18 she had to deal with the compensation aspect I was (13 at the time.) To this day she still say's "i got you all that money, you'd have nothing if it wasn't for me"

laughing No chance. My brother is lapping it up, 21, no job, no chores. She goes to Macro/Costco and buys him cans of pop, loads of crap food. She'll go to work and he'll send her a text saying I want these £90 Jordan high tops she buys them.

She vowed she'd never pay for us to drive. With the money I got from my accident I brought my lessons and used my grandpa's car when he died, I paid for my own insurance £268 a months at the time. She brought him a £2000 moped, his insurance, his helmet and filled it up with fuel every week at 16. He crashed it numerous times and she paid to fix it, Now she's paying for his driving lessons, his theory test, his practical test, she's brought him private number plates and will be getting him a car, paying for his fuel and his insurance all while he lives there rent free (she charged the rest of us rent and food bills). My car's dying and she refuses to help not that i've asked for money or anything like that because he needs it more.

When it comes to my brother he can do no wrong. I went NC with him as he threatened to stab me when I was pregnant, which she turned round and said I'd have to move out as he needs her more, he then waved a knife in mine and my DS's face she saw it and lied to the police for him and he got off, he's stolen cars and gone joyriding - she's lied for him, he's hit someone with rocks and a dog chain - she's lied for him. He doesn't even have to clean his own room because she'll do it for him! He smashed up his iPhone and she brought him a new one!

Me and my sister got £40 for Christmas, he got an X-Box one, private number plate, shoes, clothes etc. Her excuse she didn't know what to get us.

My sister know's what she is like but won't do anything about it.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 Mon 19-Jan-15 13:45:40

She then told me that she would contact SS and get DS placed with her and I'd never see him again, she'd get her friends at the hospital to make up fake mental health records about me to get me sectioned for the rest of my life and proclaimed that she and this man had already seen my file and saw that SS was involved (they weren't)

How does she think she will manage that? Phone up SS and say , 'Me and my married lover want to bring up my GS, you will take him off my DD won't you because my friend who works at the hospital and is in no way qualified reckons my DD has MH problems' I can see them taking a whole load of notice of that!

I think you have done the right thing to cut this woman out, I honestly can't see what you or your DS get out of contact anyway.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 19-Jan-15 13:49:06

Oh hell OP I'm surprised you've shown this much forebearance. I think NC is the least she deserves

Congrats on your pregnancy. I hope this decision brings you some peace and you can enjoy your DS and new baby

WrappedInABlankie Mon 19-Jan-15 13:49:16


She works in a hospital as a clinical manager, she knows people in MH teams, consultants, outpatients, neuro, IT, medical clerks etc. She would try to say the least

KirjavaTheCat Mon 19-Jan-15 13:52:35

Do you have any of those threats in writing, OP?

lunar1 Mon 19-Jan-15 13:52:45

I have been NC with my dad for 16 years now. My last migraine was 16 years ago as was my last night terror. I sometimes feel a little sad, but only about the loss of what a dad should have been not of the loss of the twat of a dad that I had!
You will be amazed how relaxed your life becomes without your mum.

Nomama Mon 19-Jan-15 13:54:11

Email you sister and tell her why you are going NC - plainly, clearly, unapologetically. Tell her that you appreciate she has only ever tried to help but that your mum's relationship with you is different and not good and that you do not wish to be cajoled into giving her yet another last chance, but would expect your mum to ask sister to intervene, again.

Tell your sister that, regardless of how she views your mum, you have a completely different relationship and, regardless of the who's, how's, why's and wherefores of it, you have absolutely no intention of remaining in contact.

let your sister declare whatever she will. That is her life and has no impact upon yours.

Good luck. I hope you have lots of support, DP etc. You will need someone to lean on to make NC stick.

WrappedInABlankie Mon 19-Jan-15 13:55:32

No unfortunatly I wrote it down myself with dates and what was said, I logged it with the police and SS myself as she said she'd contact them and take me to court to get access to DS

I must admit them months of NC were bliss!

Jodie1982 Mon 19-Jan-15 14:02:03

Omg she sounds Vile. I'm so sorry you have a 'Mother' like that.
Stay strong, I'm sure you don't need such a negative awful person in yours n your child's life.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 Mon 19-Jan-15 14:10:02

She works in a hospital as a clinical manager, she knows people in MH teams, consultants, outpatients, neuro, IT, medical clerks etc. She would try to say the least

There is a difference between 'knowing' people, and actually getting them to commit their professional opinion of you to paper for the purpose of trying to get you sectioned. I would have thought most of her colleagues are not going to risk their jobs to do a favour for a colleague. Can you make a complaint as she has told you she has seen your records - breach of confidentiality ??

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