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to want DP to get DCs 2 & 3 ready in the morning

(119 Posts)
whatisfair Mon 19-Jan-15 08:16:50


I work full time. I have a tough, but fulfilling professional job. DP is a SAHP for the moment, but will probably go back to work part time when DC3 starts school. Our DCs are 10,4 & 2. DC1 and I leave the house together at 0720 (I take her to school on way to work). DP leaves house with DCs2&3 at 0825, drops DC2 at school and then takes DC3 to nursery 3 days a week, where he stays until 1500. We have a cleaner twice a week. DP intended to use the free time to do some professional activity but says there is no time (with household chores, kids sometimes ill etc.) and is quite bitter.

I get home at 1920 (sometimes later) - DP has usually cooked. We then share baths/bedtime 50%. Weekends we share childcare/household tasks 50%. Our two youngest do not sleep well. We share nightwakings 50% ish, though maybe I do a bit more (WOH guilt). We are both sleep deprived.

We do very little prep the night before schooldays: in the past, I used to prepare clothes, schoolbags etc. but I have now said that while I will do 50% of this - I will not do it all. DP practically never does any prep.

So, my AIBU is this: I think that in the mornings, I should basically do very little with kids (nag DC1 a bit, maybe make snack) and DP should fully get DCs2&3 ready, and that this should easily be possible for DP, who could start at 0700. I currently get up at 0635. DP thinks I should get up earlier and help more with DCs2&3.

Dear mumsnet jury, who, please is BU?

ExitPursuedByABear Mon 19-Jan-15 08:18:27

He is.

DisappointedOne Mon 19-Jan-15 08:18:35

He is. You've enough on your plate already.

QuintlessShadows Mon 19-Jan-15 08:22:47

He is.

He has a child in nursery from 9-3 three days a week, and claim there is no time for a professional activity in those days?

He is either lazy, lacks structure, planning and time management skills, or just lazy!

clam Mon 19-Jan-15 08:25:02

Based on what you've said, I would say he is.
What time does he get up at the moment?

Jengnr Mon 19-Jan-15 08:27:04

So he gets three days a week where there are no kids at home? (except in rare circumstances)

He doesn't know he's born.

LadyLuck10 Mon 19-Jan-15 08:30:09

Yanbu, he is lazy and selfish. He has 3 full days of free time! He should be waking with you and sorting the younger two out. Also the night before prep should be done by him. Why can't he cook and sort it out before you come home. He actually has it very easy.

Pooka Mon 19-Jan-15 08:30:11

He is.

As a SAHM, but also freelancing, having a cleaner 2x a week and 3 days of 8.45-3pm child care would not have left too little time for work or other professional non-household stuff.

This was me until this year (now all dcs at school) but without the cleaner and with 2.5 days preschool for youngest.

My dh leaves later than you and is home about 1.5hrs earlier as he works very nearby. Generally he does get the younger 2 up and breakfasted while he has his breakfast. But if it wasn't working for him, then we'd change it. The night before, I get all clothes out, packed lunches made and book bags sorted, so is just a case of taking lunches out of the fridge and handing the child a pile of clothes to put on.

Yes, kids getting sick is just one of those things, and when you factor in school holidays, it can limit the extent to which you can concentrate on professional paid work. But it it do-able.

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers Mon 19-Jan-15 08:33:13

He is. I work 2 days and my dh works the other 5. Whoever is the sahp that day covers night wakings the night before and does the morning prep of getting 2dcs up and ready (one at pre-school) I do tend to help him more than he helps me but it's because I know where everything is easily and what I want thd kids wearing, so at most I'd hand him a pile of clothes for them. He seems to have much more time to himself than most sahp aswell!!

diddl Mon 19-Jan-15 08:33:14

"DP thinks I should get up earlier and help more with DCs2&3."shock

Lazy bugger!

He's really got it made, hasn't he?

Three days without kids, wtaf does he do then?

He must need to do minimal, if any housework if you have a cleaner twice a week.

Surely what he needs to do he can do when the 2yr old is at home, thereby leaving the time when he has no kids free for him to do his "professional activity"?

tracyrobo Mon 19-Jan-15 08:36:21

He is! I'm a SAHM and during the week do 90% child related activities and all night time wakings. DH helps at weekends. I also do 90% cleaning and house keeping stuff. My ds does not go to nursery and I don't have a cleaner. Your dp has it very easy.

FlossyMoo Mon 19-Jan-15 08:38:04

He is.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 19-Jan-15 08:39:50

Where does it say the DP is a man?

FlossyMoo Mon 19-Jan-15 08:43:41

Oh for gods sake. Given that there is a larger % of hetrosexual couples it is natural to assume DP is a man. However it makes no difference what sex DP is they are still being unreasonable.

Why the hell would you even bother to make that comment Think it does not change the the BU factor hmm

DixieNormas Mon 19-Jan-15 08:44:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas Mon 19-Jan-15 08:45:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple Mon 19-Jan-15 08:50:46

He is as the SAHP should pick up the bulk of the household and childcare.

However, I'd love to see this posted the other way round. It's usually the male SAHPs that get slated for not doing it all whereas the female ones should be excluded from household stuff and just be there for the children in the realms of MN.

FlossyMoo Mon 19-Jan-15 08:52:24

Not for me Snow even if the sexes were reversed I would still say the SAHP was BU.

zzzzz Mon 19-Jan-15 08:56:09

I think you're both making rather a meal of it. How horrid for your children to be "juggled" from one parent to another like this, with everyone wanting to do less for them all the time.

Just get a bit more organised. Have clothes in drawers neatly folded ready for the week. Have place for school bags and a place for shoes/coats.

There shouldn't be any major "prep" needed for the day.

You are out of the house 07:20-19:20. When are you going to see the 4 and 2 year old during the week if you aren't involved in the mornings? confused

jasmineramsden Mon 19-Jan-15 08:57:10

Your DP has it made. He/ she is taking the piss IMO, in expecting you to get the kids ready while DP has 3 days to themself!! YADNBU

Only1scoop Mon 19-Jan-15 08:59:08

Yanbu it would drive me insane.

He gets three days to get sorted. He sounds resentful.

clam Mon 19-Jan-15 08:59:49

"Just get a bit more organised. Have clothes in drawers neatly folded ready for the week. Have place for school bags and a place for shoes/coats."

Who are you suggesting does this? The OP, or the SAHP?

expatinscotland Mon 19-Jan-15 09:00:45

He is. Lazy, too.

Pagwatch Mon 19-Jan-15 09:01:24

You are right. He is bring unreasonable. And I am a sahm who has an incredibly hands on DH. He is utterly wrong here.

Only1scoop Mon 19-Jan-15 09:01:38

Exactly.... with a quick 'when will you see your children'? Popped in there


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